I Believe In Fate
by TheDarkestHours
Summary: Teddy was convinced that fate was finally in her favor, but it doesn't always play as we expect. The aftermath of that night in Germany. Towen.
1. Chapter 1

*****ENGLISH ISN'T MY LANGUAGE*****

* * *

 _You had everything planned  
hiding the gun between the lips  
you don't mind hurting me after all these years  
forgiving us so much..._

* * *

 ** _TEDDY_**

 _"You know? The snow, it wasn't for the soldiers, it was for you, I did it for you"._

The snow, Owen always knew that I loved the snow, was one the first things I confessed when we became friends, he confessed me that the most important thing for him was the family and I didn't want to talk about mine so I confessed that I loved Christmas and the snow, confessions after confessions the years went by until we got to the point where we both knew everything about each other and yet here we were now, he appealing to the snow to make me stop, not to kick him out to the street, to listen to his false promises of love and I… I was trying with all my strength not to give in to him, not again, not to burst into tears and to show him for the umpteenth time that he was my weakness.

I listened to him and for a moment his words seemed sincere, but then I remembered that a little more than 24 hours ago he had been in bed with his ex-wife, it wasn't something strange, Owen had always been like that, he didn't know how to be alone so if Amelia was available it was to be expected that he would take the opportunity, but why? Why did he have to wait for that woman to make him see things to come to me? Why?

The question kept spinning in my head, maybe I would never know why, and now, after this I wasn't interested in knowing, I wanted Owen out of my house and out of my life. No one had ever hurt me the way he was doing, the pain I was feeling was so big and so deep that only someone with a dirty soul could be responsible, but the responsible was Owen, the last person I expected to hurt me, from him I just expected love, understanding, company, camaraderie not pain, tears and disappointment.

With superhuman strength I restrain myself from bursting into tears and showing him weakness, he doesn't deserve it, I must be strong. I cling to his jacket equally strong, as strong as I clung a few hours ago to his naked torso and he to my back, my hips, my lips. The gentle scent of the piece of clothing did nothing to try to keep the memories away, memories that might remain in my memory for the rest of my life; the memory of our naked bodies moving under the sheets in perfect synchrony while we whispered interminable words of love to each others' ears, now I know that his were just that, _words_ , while mine were promises, oaths, confessions, all the love I had repressed in my heart since the day I met him.

At the same time that memories lurked a war began in my head, on the one hand a voice begged me to stop, to hear him, that all this had an explanation; while another voice ordered me to throw him out of my house and my life once and for all, that I was worth too much to be his second choice, his security blanket.

I carefully opened my mouth to say my last words, begging any heavenly entity out there to help me keep a firm voice.  
 _"I'm done Owen, we are done."_

And with these last words I reluctantly handed him the jacket that I clung to as if it were life itself a few seconds ago, unsurprisingly he took it without hesitation, there was the proof I needed, he made no other attempt to persuade me to stop on the contrary, by left without hesitation he gave me the answer I was looking for, he had only come because he was lonely.

I close the door behind him and I lean on it covering my mouth with my hand fearing burst into a cry so loud that he could hear it from outside. Deep down, childishly or romantically, stupidly would say my subconscious, I expected him to be on the other side of the door, waiting for the right moment to knock on my door again and try to solve everything, I could almost imagine the scenario, I would cry for a few minutes behind the door and he would hear my cries from the other side, once I was more calm he would knock again, asking, _begging_ forgiveness and I would at first deny myself but it's Owen, my weakness, after talking and screaming probably for hours we would make amends and spend the rest of the night making love, unfortunately none of that would happen, none of that would happen because I wouldn't open the door nor would he be on the other side ... correction, he _is not_ on the other side, I don't know what this strange connection I have with him is but I can feel his presence every time he approaches or goes away; Last night while I was sleeping a shaking jolt woke me up and I didn't know what it was until minutes later someone knocked on my door, it was that connection letting me know that he was coming, nevertheless now that same connection was letting me know that he was getting further and further away from me, and maybe it would be the last time I would feel it.

Slowly I slide through the door until I reach the floor and as soon as I make contact with the cold wood I can't contain it anymore and I burst into tears and cry and scream and curse. I cry with rage, I cry with sadness, I cry with pain, the greatest pain I've ever felt in my life, the pain of disappointment; I curse my innocence, I curse him, I curse myself and even _her_ even though it's not her fault. I'm the sad image of a wounded woman shattered on the floor crying for something that never was and surely never will be.

I don't know how long I've been lying on the floor with my knees against my chest, my crying has stopped but not my tears, I look up at the window feeling the tendons of my neck complain angrily and I find that the sun is gone and the huge full moon illuminates the lonely streets while the snow falls gently, slowly, without hurry, just like last night. For a moment I can feel a twinge in my chest, the snow, he did it for me and now every time it snows I won't be able to stop thinking about it, about _him_ … I never thought I could hate the snow.

Slowly I get up feeling how my whole body protests with the effort, with slow and tired step I go to my room, the sheets and pillows are still as we left them last night, in a fit of rage I take the sheets, the quilt and the pillows and I tear them off the mattress, letting out a long and painful scream from my insides. With accelerated breathing I see the mountain of sheets on the floor and I swear to myself that tomorrow I'll get rid of them, then without bothering to change my pajamas and much less taking a bath I take a new blanket from the closet and climb to the bed lying on the bare mattress and covering me from head to toe, ironically it's the soft scent that had managed to permeate the mattress that lulls me to sleep, the smell of Owen.

The next morning I wake up a cold chill running through my body, I slowly open my eyes squinting when the light coming through the window manages to penetrate my pupils, I reach out my hand to look for the blanket but I can't find it, I get up on my elbow and I find it on the floor next to the mountain of sheets that I had discarded last night, with zero motivation I get up from the bed, I close the curtains, I take the blanket and I wrap myself in the bed again, closing my eyes without knowing if I want to sleep or stay awake; Asleep dreams would haunt me and awaken memories.

Without realizing it, I fell asleep again and when I wake up once again the light has gone and I laugh at the irony, inside me the light it's also gone. Deciding that it's not worthy to fall into this endless black hole of cries, tears and disappointment for a person like Owen I get up from the bed and stretch each and every one of my limbs until my stomach makes a hunger sound but I'm not in the mood to eat anything. Even so I go to the kitchen and put the kettle on the stove, while I wait for water to boil to make some coffee I sit on a stool by the kitchen island when I remember that I have something to do, immediately I look for a large bag in the drawers of the kitchen and I go with firm step to my room, I have to get rid of those sheets.

With rage I take them one by one and put them to the bottom of the bag, hesitate a little when it's the turn of the pink blanket, my favorite pink blanket, I can still remember when I bought it and the saleswoman told me, "Perfect for cold afternoons and perfect to warmly cover two people" the she winked at me, even though at that time I didn't have anyone to share it with I bought it, hoping to one day have someone to share it with, and yes, that day did come, but now I wish that it never would've arrived.

Deciding that coffee wouldn't be enough, I return to the kitchen, get rid of the hot water, replace the water with red wine and the cup with a large crystal glass, I return to my room and go to the bathroom to fill the tub, definitely my body needs a bath, as if the bathroom or the water were going to wash my pain, _stupid_.

Even so, I remain in the water for hours, until the lack of food and the excess of alcohol begin to wreak havoc on my body; two bottles of wine after I get out of the tub and stumble to my room, as I can I look in my drawers a new set of pajamas to get dressed, clumsily I look for new sheets for the bed and while I try to place them on the mattress is there when I notice, in the armchair next to my bed I don't know if it is alcohol playing tricks with my mind but when I see what's on the armchair my drunkenness seems to fade completely, carefully as if it were a bomb about to explode I head towards the object that had caught my attention and I take it in my hands, without realizing the tears are already wetting my cheeks again, Owen had forgotten his shirt, or rather, I forgot to pack it when I did his rucksack before I threw him barefoot to the street.

I cry with Owen's shirt pressed hard against my chest sitting by the window just like we had done a couple of nights ago, I cry and in my tears I shed all my pain, all my frustration and when there is nothing left in me I swear to myself that this would be the last time I cry for him, the last time the memory of his kisses or his hands running through my naked body make my throat close and my pain leave in the form of endless rivers of tears.

And so I do it, or at least I try to, as much as I want I can't get rid of my pink blanket or his shirt, instead, I fold both pieces and keep them in the depths of my closet, a hypocritical act considering that I had sworn to forget it, but I can't, I can't let reason win over my heart, my heart that although I am furious with Owen can't forget all the good times we lived together and in the name of those moments, or at least that was what I told myself, I decide to keep the blanket and the shirt.

As I can I keep on with my life, with my routine; get up early, take a quick shower, running to work, return home and sleep, or rather, try to sleep and repeat; get up, shower, work, sleep, repeat and repeat and repeat, taking refuge in my " _friends_ " or alcohol when the memory of Owen is so painful that it makes me want to run away, so strong that it makes me feel him here with me, as if that connection we had were letting me know that he was here making me company in my darkest moments, maybe the fact that knowing that part of him was stored in the back of my closet was what made me feel close to him , even so I tried to continue with my life, repeat, repeat and repeat until one day...

* * *

 **Reviews are always apreciated, they keep my muse awake.  
**


	2. Chapter 2

***ENGLISH IS NOT MY LANGUAGE***

* * *

 _It's been the longest winter without you,_

 _I didn't know where to turn to..._

 _Now I have realized, it'll all get better in time,_

 _I'm gonna smile because I deserve to..._

* * *

 _ **TEDDY**_

A couple of weeks after that fateful night I began to notice changes in me, both in my state of mind and in my body; Even though fatigue was part of my life, running a hospital is not an easy task, in the last days the fatigue had become a complete exhaustion, there were days when I didn't have the energy even to perform basic tasks, not to mention the terrible migraines and low back pain that hadn't left me not even a single day, immediately I attributed everything to work and to my... yes to my _depression_ , it wasn't until more symptoms manifested that I started to pay a little more attention although not too much.

I began to have cramps every day and my breasts were so tender, sore and swollen that even the friction of the clothes caused me discomfort but once again I looked for an explanation, probably my period would come at any time, however as much as I waited and waited it never arrived, instead dizziness, nausea and morning sickness came, then I not only paid attention to my symptoms, but I also panicked.

No, it couldn't be what I was thinking, could it? I didn't expect Owen to show up in the middle of the night to knock on my door to confess his " _love_ " to me, much less that we would make love all night as a couple of newlyweds, but we did it, not once, not twice, but _many_ times, many times without protection. I couldn't believe that after years at last one of my biggest dreams was coming true, so in the last thing I thought, and obviously he too, was in protecting us and now weeks later if my suspicions were true once again our connection was made present by letting me know that he was still here with me, maybe not _him_ physically but a very physical part of _him_... and one of _me_... of the two of us, two parts that joined to form one while I cried my pain and I drowned not only in tears, but also alcohol.

Thinking that probably I was pregnant with Owen's baby scared me, we were over, he had played with me, I had thrown him out of my house and he was probably back in bed with Amelia, but to think that I was probably pregnant and in all the amount of alcohol I had ingested in recent days terrified me, not to mention that I had left behind the 30's, 41 years to be exact. 41 years old, probably pregnant, alone, depressed and with countless empty bottles of red wine in the garbage and others waiting to be drunk.

But what if I wasn't pregnant? Maybe it was just my subconscious playing a tricks on me, without giving me time to think much more a wave of nausea took me running to the bathroom where I knelt in front of the toilet vomiting violently... _Do you still think you're not pregnant?_ A voice inside me said, there was definitely no room for doubt.

After there was nothing left inside me to throw up I sat on the cold tiles of the bathroom and I cried, and I cried, and I cried although a couple of weeks ago I had sworn not to, but this time I didn't cry for Owen or for what he had done to me, I was crying for me, for the situation in which my naivety and my unconditional love for Owen had put me in, I was crying for my past, for my present and for my future, for a future that until a few hours back seemed uncertain but now I could glimpse hundreds of possibilities, I cried with sadness, I cried with joy, I cried with fear, a fear that shook my insides and ran through my body leaving in its wake thousands of questions, each more frightening than the previous one. Should I tell Owen? What would Owen say about this? What if alcohol caused harm to the baby? Should I keep this baby? Should I get and abortion? As soon as those last two thoughts came to my mind I discarded them, of course I would never give this baby up for adoption let alone abort it, regardless of the circumstances the fact of knowing that with luck in a few months I would have in my arms the perfect mixture of me and the man who even though he hurt me like no one I also loved him like no one in the world made me feel warm inside, but who do I want to fool? I still love the father of my child, the father of _my child_ , I laughed at how strange that word sounds, my child, _mine_ , one of the best things that have happened to me ever since Henry... correction, the best thing that has happened to me since Henry, my child, mine and nobody else's.

And it's there, sitting on the floor of the bathroom when the black cloud that clouded my thoughts leaves me giving way to a small ray of light to which I cling with nails and teeth. I have everything decided and now I'll fulfill my promises; Today would be the last time I would cry for Owen, _really_ , from today my baby would give me the strength to get ahead, for it I'll put my life back on track, for it I'll to work and for it I'll live no matter how it was conceived it deserves it, it deserves everything I didn't have from my mother, I would do everything in my power to ensure that my child has a full life, my child, mine... and that's when I came to my last decision, I wouldn't say anything of this to Owen, I knew this was wrong especially considering that I had sworn to give my child everything I didn't have from my mother, and now I was denying it the opportunity to meet its father, but it's just something I can't do, I knew how important the family is to him but I just can't, one thing was his betrayal to me but I couldn't bear even the idea of my child getting hurt, either way Owen could have more children if he wanted, more children with Amelia... if not that she is also pregnant by now and honestly I don't care, from now on my child and I would be a team, a duo, the perfect duo.

Determined I get up from the floor, wipe my tears and look in the mirror for a few seconds, my eyes are red and swollen, my cheekbones are more prominent than ever and black circles frame my green eyes even so the biggest of the smiles is drawn in my face, the biggest in years, _lies,_ the biggest since that night when I opened the door and discovered Owen on the other side, I immediately shake that thought from my head, my baby needs me sane and happy. Without thinking twice my hand immediately goes to my belly and for a few seconds I feel stupid because it still looks flat but after remembering that my baby grows inside I stop feeling stupid and I feel whole, happy, fulfilled and my fingers begin to dance creating soft circles with the tips… _"Everything is fine, we are fine, I swear",_ I whisper knowing it still can't hear me but also knowing that this will definitely not be the last time I'll talk to _him_ …or _her_ , much less the last one that my hand will rub that exact spot.

After calling Dr. Miller, my OB-GYN asking her for an urgent appointment which she agrees to give me that same day, I take a quick shower not without first getting rid of all traces of alcohol in my house and praying, although I 'm not a religious woman, to any God out there, asking and begging for my baby to be well. _"Please God, please God, not my baby",_ I repeat like a mantra while I empty bottle after bottle of red wine, bourbon and cognac in the kitchen sink.

Two hours later I'm on my way to the hospital while my hands on the steering wheel are sweaty and I can't avoid wipe them against the fabric of my jeans whenever I can, I'm extremely nervous and I can feel my heart beating with the speed of a dozen galloping horses. Minutes later I'm at the doctor's office and I can't help feeling strange in this place, in all the years that I've been working here in Germany especially here in the Regional Medical Center I had never needed more medical care than usual, dental, general and gynecological check-ups, but this was another level, not only Dr. Miller was my subordinate and my doctor, but now I would reveal a secret that I would prefer to keep as long as possible, but now it's too late to look for another doctor.

"Hi Teddy, good afternoon! Your sudden call surprised me. Is everything all right?" Dr. Miller said as she entered the office making me jump slightly at the sudden sound of her voice. Since I came to this hospital she has always been kind to me, in one way or another she reminds me of Arizona, her energy, her good vibes, her dimpled smile, her huge blue eyes and blonde hair, but she isn't Arizona. At first I tried to establish a friendship with her but there was always something that stopped me and I simply couldn't open myself to her as in many occasions I opened with Arizona so over the years the most I could do was being polite and call her by her name at her request although I wasn't so sure of that given that technically I'm her boss, even so I also asked her to do the same with me.

"Hey Amanda!" I answer trying to sound nonchalant but even I can feel my voice tremble. "Of course, everything is in order... Well, I think so."

"Do you think so?" She asks, pursing her lips and with a mischievous look.

"Well, you'll see... I'm almost 100% sure I'm pregnant." I tell her straight to the point and without spinning around the matter and I can notice how my confession left her perplexed for a few seconds but she immediately recovered, or at least she tried, evidently didn't expect this.

"No way! I didn't know you were dating someone… don't tell me it's from Parker, from General? I didn't know you two were still seeing each other! Wow, he must be trilled! But wait, he already knows, right?"

And she talks and talks and asks questions and I just want her to shut up, stop talking and wanting to pry my personal life, we're not friends, I don't want to talk about this with her, there are only two people in this world with whom I would like to do it; To the first the distance and the lack of communication separated us in such a way that now I don't know how to share with her such news and the second one, I have decided that I don't want to say anything to that second person, the father of my baby.

"Oh no, it's not from Parker and I would ask you to please don't talk about this with anyone". I answer and try to sound friendly but I'm almost sure she noticed how upset I am.

"Oh sure, sorry I didn't want to seem nosy". She answers me and I can see that she is really sorry and it makes me feel terrible. I didn't mean to talk to her in that way but I just can't stand when people try to get into my personal affairs.

"Oh no, you were not! It's just that I don't want misunderstandings". I answer this time really amicably and ashamed in an attempt to improve things. My God, what's happening to me? _Hormones!_ Screams a voice in my head.

"Of course! Well, have you already taken some kind of test? Home test, blood?"

"The truth is that I don't, I rely simply on my instinct and my symptoms; I've been more tired than usual in recent weeks, headache, cramps, sensitive and swollen breasts... Oh, and my period was replaced by dizziness, nausea and morning sickness". This time I manage to make her laugh with my poor attempt of joke and I'm really happy.

"I'm glad to see that your sense of humor is still there!" She answers me laughing and I smile at her even though she really doesn't know anything about my true sense of humor, even though I let her believe that she knows it. "Ok, anyway I have to perform a test although with your symptoms it would be a mere formality".

After making me urinate in a plastic cup she introduces a thin strip of white paper, the seconds seem like hours but in less than 3 minutes the test is ready, the strip turned pink and I felt an immense desire to cry, _correction_ , through my cheeks the tears were already streaming. It's official, _I'm pregnant_ , Owen had left my life but he had left me something more valuable than his false promises, a _baby_.

"Apparently we are happy". Amanda tells me with a sweet smile and I can only nod energetically while I cover my mouth to not burst into tears. She comes up to me and wraps me in her arms and although it's something she had never done it feels good, I feel good, it was something I needed so I let myself be carried away by her warm hug and bury my face in her neck crying but I don't feel ashamed or weak, because this time I'm not a frail and helpless woman crying with sadness, this time I'm a strong woman who cries for happiness and I've always been a believer that happiness should be celebrated and shared, so I cry and _laugh_.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry it's just that…" I said after crying over her for a few minutes and in my chest I feel the need to make a confession, perhaps the most intimate I've done in all the years I've known her. "... It's just that... it's something I've always dreamed of".

She just smiles at me and I can see in her eyes genuine joy and that makes me feel bad, again, because maybe for her I'm her friend but I have never considered her as such despite all her expressions of love during these years, she has been the only one who has shown me empathy and in exchange I gave her nothing.

After this burst of emotions we return to the truly important, she checks my vitals and my weight, without surprise I'm low in weight, very low in weight but I'll definitely compensate in the upcoming months. Then the questions come and to all I answer without major problem until arrives one that freezes my blood.

"Have you ingested any medication, drugs or alcohol in recent weeks?" I only swallow and avoid looking at her eyes. "Teddy?" I still don't answer. "This is very important. Teddy, I need you to be completely honest with me, you know I'm not going to judge you".

When I finally dare to look at her eyes my cheeks have become a deep crimson that although I can't see it I can feel it, the warmth in my face, in my ears, in my neck, the heat of shame. "I... I". I sigh. "I've drunk alcohol in recent weeks, a lot of alcohol and... and a couple or two of sleeping pills".

She was telling the truth; in her eyes I could see that she wasn't judging me. "Tell me everything will be fine, please!" I say more in a pleading tone and although I already know the answer I need her to assure me.

"You know I can't assure you that Teddy, there're defects that could only be detectable once the baby is born, but I don't want you to worry about that now. Are we?" I can only nod. "I don't want you worried, I want you happy this is something you always wanted so enjoy it… Now please lie on the bed that here comes the best part".

She proceeds to prepare everything necessary for the ultrasound while I lie on bed with my legs placed on stirrups and no one next to me to take my hand and for a moment I feel alone and I feel cold and I feel empty, I need someone to take my hand right now, I need _him_ to take my hand right now, maybe this is a signal to tell Owen what's going on, to tell him he's going to be a father, that we're going to be parents. Without giving me a chance to think more Amanda brings me back to reality with her bubbly voice.

"Ok, you'll feel some pressure and cold in your pelvic area". She warns me and I cringe slightly at the sudden and strange sensation between my legs. "Do you see this little bubble? Is your baby". She tells me smiling widely. "Based on what I see the position and the measurements are perfect, perfect for 6 weeks and... 4 or 5 days give or take, and can you see this teeny tiny throbbing dot? It's your baby's heart, it's still too early to hear it but here it is, look at it".

And I do, I glue my eyes to the screen trying to fill my pupils with the blurry black and white image in front of me, my little bubble, my little baby, _mine_. Just by seeing that little throbbing dot I stop feeling alone and cold and empty, this tiny beat makes me feel full, warm and definitely never alone again…

* * *

.

.

.

.

 **A/N:** **I'm very touched by everyone's words of support, I feel that a "thank you" is not enough, but from the deepest bottom of my heart thank you very much to everyone,** **I hope one day to compensate you with something more than a thank you.**

 ****A/N 2: IN CASE ANY OF MY HATERS IS AROUND HERE:** **It is very hard when someone attacks your work, work in which you invest time and love and all for something as vain as a ship, so easy that is overlook at something if you don't like it, why attack? If you don't like Towen, why do you come to my fics to send me all your hate? And even more coward, by PM. Why don't you take that time and write some Omelia fic? I can lend you some ideas.**


	3. Chapter 3

** **ENGLISH ISN'T MY LANGUAGE****

* * *

 _I can see how the fear penetrates through my skin. I want to see you smile again but this just is the beginning and not the end… I won't let myself go, I won't look back, I won't stop love… I'll be with you until the end._

* * *

 _ **TEDDY**_

I leave the hospital feeling completely happy and although deep down I still have the uncertainty if my baby will be fine or not I've decided to listen to Amanda and not worry about that, stress won't do me any good and my baby deserves only the best.

Outside the afternoon is gray and cold, but for me the day is perfect, I let the air play freely with my hair and seep to my scalp, to caress my skin, my cheeks. I close my eyes and let the soft rain that has begun to fall wet my face feeling as one by one the tiny drops fall on my forehead, my cheekbones, my neck and I smile and I open my arms and start to spin around, enjoying the rain no matter if someone sees me, no matter if someone sees the head of MEDCOM dancing in the rain like a little girl.

Again my hand goes to my belly and again in my face a smile is drawn, or rather my smile gets even bigger. The rain begins to get worse and I run to my car and once inside I take out of my bag the images of the ultrasound that Amanda had given me and I watch them intently as if wanting to record in my memory forever this beautiful image, my little bubble.

All the way home one of my hands remains on the wheel and the other on my belly and this time I'm not sweating and I turn on the radio and I sing, I sing loud and horrible but sing, I sing with the soul and I sing with the heart. I get home and I keep singing and I keep smiling, I make a huge chocolate milkshake even though outside its 23℉ and I sit on the couch next to the window wrapped in my pink blanket, watching the rain, drinking my milkshake and rubbing my belly... suddenly I have an idea.

I head towards my bedroom and from one of my drawers I take out the camera that I had bought a couple of years ago when I went on vacation to Greece, I go back to the couch and turn on the camera in front of me even though I'm not yet very sure of how to start, I've never been exactly an artistic person, others consider singing, writing or painting as art, for me my work is my art, cutting, hold hearts in my hands, fix them, heal them, that's my art but for my child maybe I can find new forms of art… with luck in a few years I'll be playing with Play-Doh clay, crayons, doing finger paint and memorizing children's songs; I can't help but smile at that possibility and suddenly I visualize myself driving with my child, a girl, or maybe a boy, sitting safely in its child seat while we both sing some of those sticky children's songs.

In my reverie I can't help but visualize Owen too and although my smile fails a little I can feel a warm sensation in my heart and at the same time a twinge of guilt. _It's okay what I'm doing?_ I ask myself and for a moment I'm about to pick up the phone and call Owen, but... no, suddenly I remember that call, Amelia's call, although so far I don't know if it actually happened or everything was product of the depressing state in which I found myself after Owen's departure that made me think it was true. Just the thought of calling him only to realize that my suspicions were true and he was back with _her_ broke my heart in hundreds of tiny pieces that just by thinking of my baby came together again in one and beat with infinite love. No, I won't tell Owen... at least not for the moment.

I shake the sad thoughts from my head and return all my attention to what I had planned to do, I take a deep breath and clear my throat... I press play.

"Hi!". I say shyly smiling at the camera and waving with my hand. "I'm your mommy... I ... I'm not good at this but I don't know, I thought it would be a good idea... you know... record our journey". I chuckle shyly. "Just today I found out... about you, although I already had my suspicions for a few days... you're giving me quite the battle with morning sickness and all those strange symptoms... but I don't care, today when I saw you for the first time... all those pains and discomfort disappeared... " And I keep talking in front of the camera and although at the beginning it's a bit strange and the words fail me as I speak everything becomes easier and more fluid until it's time to talk about _him_ , I don't know how he came up to _"our"_ conversation, but I think it was my subconscious which is always thinking about him. And it's that same voice inside me that tells me not to fool myself, that all this is not for me or my baby, it's for him... all this is for Owen.

"Your daddy... he..." I breathe deeply specially to steady my voice and keep the tears at bay. "He... he's not here, he... he doesn't know you're on the way and I..." As much as I try the tears manage to get out of my eyes and run down my cheeks. "He is a very good man; you know?... but he... he did something that hurt me a lot, but we all make mistakes, I made mistakes too". _Not telling your baby's father about its existence is your biggest mistake_ , that voice inside me tells me. "I don't know if someday I'll have the courage to tell him what's happening... and I hope you don't hate me, but... I would rather die first before letting someone made you suffer or feel unloved... maybe one day I'll tell him everything... but not now, so please... forgive me". And with that I finish my first video which I don't know if after my last confession I'll be able to show it to my child someday... or to Owen.

The following days are more or less the same, yes, I vomit, I vomit not only every morning but all day and I get dizzy and I'm about to faint on more than one occasion but I also laugh, laugh hard, I laugh after throwing up, I laugh when my favorite roasted chicken makes me nauseous and I laugh when my jeans start to feel more and more tight on my thighs, on my hips, on my waist, I laugh when my breast manage to grow out of my bras and I laugh even more when I can glimpse the small shadow of a bump in my lower belly to which I haven't stopped caressing since the day I got the happy news.

"Hi again!" I said smiling in front of the mirror holding in one hand the camera in which I have already stored at least 5 videos while with the other hand I caress the tiny bump in my lower belly. "Apparently you are growing fast, soon you won't let me see my feet".

And with so much happiness when I least expect it I'm already 9 weeks and I'm back in Amanda's office and this time I hear for the first time a sound that I know perfectly but had never brought tears to my eyes until today, _my_ baby's heartbeat, that tiny throbbing point on the screen that with its fast rhythm manages to break the silence of the room and fills me with even more happiness than I thought possible. It measures around an inch and although I still can't feel it I can see it move, its teeny tiny legs and arms wiggle inside my womb and I fall in love again, a pure love, unconditional love, the kind of love that makes you give your life, give it everything, I love my baby, I still can't feel it moving or I see its face but I already love it, _blind_ love, _true_ love.

"Today I listened to your heartbeat for the first time..." I can't say more and I burst out in tears of joy in front of the camera. And I go crazy, I go crazy of love, of happiness and I can't stop rubbing my belly, maybe I'll never do it, small to just fully cover it with my hand but so big that I'm forced to buy new jeans and once again I go crazy, I buy clothes like crazy and although I also want to buy clothes for the baby I decide that now is not the time, once I know the sex I'll surely go crazy again and I'll return to finish with all the pink dresses or all the blue onesies of the stores.

But as always just when I thought that everything would be love and happiness life gives me one of its new blows and I cry, and I tremble with fear and I _bleed_. I bleed and again I cry sitting on the floor of the bathroom afraid to move but even with fear I have to do it, I have to move, I have to stop this. Everything happens as in a dream, one moment I'm crying on the floor and the other Amanda tells me that everything had just been a scare and I stop crying but this time I can't smile, I'm still scared, even when she assures me that it's normal some bleeding during the first months of pregnancy for me that is not normal but once again Amanda with her infinite kindness reassures me that it is, that I have nothing to fear and she does a new ultrasound just to reassure me by third, fifth, tenth time and it just takes a look at the image of my baby to smile again.

I spend that night in the hospital and I can't stop thinking about what happened a few hours ago. What if it was a signal? A sign to realize that what I was doing wasn't right, a signal to pick up the phone or not, take a plane and go to Seattle and tell Owen _"Hi! We will be parents in six months."_ My head is a disaster, on the one hand I don't want to see him again, I don't want him close to me or my _our_ baby and on the other I know that I'm being selfish and unfair, not only to Owen to hide my _our_ baby's existence, but with my child too, denying it the possibility of knowing its father.

Not even the comfort that always gives me rub my belly makes my heart go slower, in my head I imagine all possible scenarios and each one terrifies me more than the previous one, I would arrive in Seattle in search of Owen only to realize that he has already moved on, with Amelia, they are back together and maybe even she is also pregnant so Owen doesn't want to know anything about me and much less about my _our_ child. Although I don't even know if this is true or not the mere fact of thinking that it is a great possibility makes my eyes fill with tears, not for me, but for my child who doesn't deserve to be rejected by its father like he rejected me. But even in the midst of my crisis the light of sanity tells me that Owen isn't that kind of man, that he would never do something like abandoning or turning his back on a child of his flesh and blood.

In the end after spending much of the night thinking I've decided everything… I'll return to Seattle but I won't do it for me, I'll do it for my child, so that it can meet its father, so that it can be close to him and especially to that a future he or she doesn't reproach me for having taken it away from its father.

Between the scare and the preparations to leave Germany when I least realize I'm at the Frankfurt airport waiting to take the flight that will take me to Seattle and that will surely change my life again forever, nervous, scared, with 11 weeks of pregnancy, a small belly that although isn't yet visible I try to hide under my loose blouse and coat but at the same time I can't stop caressing it, with nothing to lose in Germany and maybe much to gain in the United States.

While waiting for the boarding in the waiting room I take out my cell phone and open the front camera "So... here we go... we're going to America, your daddy will know about you... I hope he loves you as much as I already love you".

Almost 12 hours later I landed at the Tacoma airport and when I left I found myself in another crossroads... I don't know what to do, I don't know where to go, I have nowhere to go. I stand outside the airport without knowing what to do, with a suitcase in each hand and completely blank mind; Without knowing what I'm doing or where I'll go I take a taxi and without realizing it I asked the driver to take me to the Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital, although less than a year ago I was here everything seems different, I see everything with new eyes, with mother's ayes, this will be the city where my baby will be born, where I'll raise it to make of it the best person, here we will spend birthdays, Christmas, New Year, _snowfalls_.

I can't keep fooling myself, no matter what Owen has done I'll never stop loving the snow much less Christmas, they're the only beautiful memories I've of my childhood and the first thing I can't wait to share with my child; go together to choose the largest and most leafy Christmas tree, put the lights and ornaments, light aromatic cinnamon and apple candles, make gingerbread cookies and hot chocolate, sit by the window wrapped in the pink blanket watching outside the snow fall while I tell it some story, surely some anecdote of something that I lived with its father, go to do Christmas shopping and see how its eyes light up while opening its presents… while thinking about this suddenly realization hits me… according to my calculations my baby will be born around Christmas, I just laugh and cry at the same time while the taxi driver looks at me through the rearview mirror with a confused expression.

While the taxi stops at the entrance of the Grey Sloan I can't help but lower my gaze to my belly and while I rub it I smiled and whisper _"You will love your life here"_ , because I'm sure that it'll be so.

* * *

 **A/N: Hi guys, I'm so sorry this take a litte bit longer to what I usually take to update but life has been very hectic I changed work and with luck in January I'll be re starting school so yes, I've been very busy with work and school aplicatios.**

 **Anyway, I just wanted to thank infinitely to the people who have left their beautiful reviews in my fic, you are my MoJo guys, never change!**

 **Also I wanted to ask you all a question, I have a lot of ideas about the direction that this fic should take, so what do you prefer? That I go on with my crazy ideas and from there that this becomes a total AU but with something of what we've seen so far in the promos? or that I stick to what happens in the show?**

 **I've read so many opinions and theories that my head is blowing with ideas, your theories are so good, guys!**

 **Oh and to finish, I've been working on a one (maybe three) shot that I'll be posting in the next few days,** **obviously Towen centered. Is there another more beautiful couple to write about? I don't think so.**


	4. Chapter 4

*****ENGLISH IS NOT MY LANGUAGE*****

 **It's been a while, I'm sorry but I hope you like this new chapter. This is the last one "based" on what's happening in the show, from the nex chapter everything will be AU which means my version.**

 **I decided not to say anything about the new season and what is happening, the last time I threw a tantrum and at the end it was in vain, so I'd better wait to see what happens in the show even though I have so many mixed feelings, I just want Teddy to be ok and also Amelia, both are extraordinary women and they don't deserve to suffer I just want to protect them from Shonda and Krista so badly!**

 **End of my rant... Enjoy! :) and please let me know what you think, I wanna know if you're enjoying this, it keeps me motivated, also thanks to my loyal reviewers from the beginning.**

* * *

 _It would've been so easy not to mix our destinies_

 _and let the paths continue separated_

 _but maybe you were right and we just had to live…_

 _without fear… without excuses…_

* * *

 _ **TEDDY**_

As I head to the hospital entrance again I realize that I don't know what to do, I don't have a plan. What am I supposed to do? Go to the ER looking for Owen and say _'Hey, I know that the last time we saw things didn't end well, but guess what? We will be parents in about 6 months'_ I can't do that, can I? My head again is a disaster, minutes later I realize that I've been wandering around the hospital, people look at me strangely and why they wouldn't do it, a woman lost in her thoughts with two suitcases wandering around the hospital attracts glances in her path.

 _Think Theodora, think,_ I say to myself again and again until I stop for a few moments to analyze the situation. I've nowhere to go, I can't live forever in a hotel, I don't have a job and I won't accept the position of attending, not because I consider it a bad thing, but after being the head of MedCom I can't demean myself in that way, I know my value and I know I deserve something better than being just an attending, but who will want to hire a cardiothoracic surgeon for only a few months and then give her maternity leave? God! It seems that after all I can't be so demanding and accept the work they give me, although I've enough money saved to live comfortably a good time I'll have bills to pay, rent and certainly a baby involves many expenses, especially if everything will run on my own, I won't ask Owen for a single cent.

After thinking for a while I decided, first I'll go to Arizona, I need to see her, I need one of her tight hugs that squeeze your bones but at the same time make you feel warm and loved, I need to tell her what is happening, I need one of her wise advices; later I'll go to look for Miranda who hopefully will have something for me and although I'm bothered by the idea of being subordinate I have no other option, and finally I'll go to find Owen, yes, I'll do that until the end although first I've to figure out how I'll do everything without crossing paths with him.

As I walk through the corridors of the hospital I realize that I haven't seen anyone I know, I keep walking until I hear a voice that I know perfectly, _Miranda_.

"Dr. Bailey, where is everyone? I haven't seen a single person that I know "

Mirada stops abruptly, is accompanied by an intern and in her face I can detect anguish, but at the same time relief to see me.

"Dr. Altman, thank you Jesus! Can you scrub in with me?!"

And there was the cause of her relief, it wasn't so much because of me but because of my skills, for a moment I felt sad that she wasn't happy to see me, but I immediately shook that thought from my head, between the hormones that had had me crazy in the last days making me cry for the most insignificant things and the fatigue of the trip it seemed that I forgot that I was in front of Miranda, the effusive displays of affection are not her specialty.

"Oh, I just got off of a 12-hour flight" I answer trying to get out of the situation, really the last thing I want at the moment is to be I don't know how many hours of standing in a surgery, maybe I should've gone to rest a bit first, my body screams for a rest. Why doesn't she call her head of cardio better? Then I remember that apparently there is no one in the hospital, surely she is among those absent.

"Congratulations, Roy's got your bags".

And before I could object I follow her to the OR and when I least think of it I'm already facing the chest cavity of a woman who apparently fainted just on the day of her daughter's wedding. Miranda tells me about Alex Karev's wedding with this girl that I can't remember her face, but according to Miranda her name is Jo Wilson. Wow, who would say that Alex would settle down and become one of the best pediatric surgeons, if someone had told me that a few years ago I probably would've laughed, but Alex showed me the opposite and that's why I'm proud of him. The conversation continues to flow and I hear about a lot of things, Miranda had a heart attack and apparently is in the middle of an existential crisis. She then asks me what I'm doing here and I feel that it is the right time to finally tell her the motives, or at least one of them, of my return.

"I was gonna ask the chief if she have a job opening". And seeing the expression not on her face, but in her eyes I immediately regret my words. "Or I can just forget I ever asked." I tell her and we don't talk about it again during the whole surgery.

After finishing the surgery and updating the family of the patient about the health of her family member, I go to the attending room, Miranda had the great idea of broadcasting the wedding of my patient's daughter by FaceTime and I couldn't refuse to help her, especially after seeing the way the couple looked at each other, the same way that Owen looked at me the night we conceived our baby, although I soon learned that his look wasn't honest. Before my thoughts took me back to that dark place in my mind I rush to take off the blue scrubs shortly after Miranda comes in, while she finished getting dressing I retouch my makeup and think about what I'll do next. Apparently coming to the hospital was completely in vain, Arizona and Owen are at the wedding and Miranda has nothing for me. What am I going to do now? I can go back tomorrow to look for Owen, or I can go to his house... Although I don't like the idea at all, it is also true that in the privacy of his home we could talk properly and not in a place like the hospital where it takes an intern or a nurse to listen so that the entire hospital knows in minutes. Another thing that had to figure out was my work and housing situation, I could go with Dr. Smith at the Seattle Presbyterian or talk to some contacts maybe in private practice there is something for me. And as for my accommodation, the first thing I'd do when leaving the hospital would be to go to a hotel, take a long hot bath and sleep for hours; Then, with more calmness, I would look for a permanent place to live or who knows, maybe things won't turn out as I hope and I'll have to return to Germany.

Miranda comes out of the bathroom and I feel the need to apologize for putting her in an uncomfortable situation in front of everyone in the OR.

"You were literally a lifesaver, I mean, I couldn't have saved her without you." Miranda tells me again hurried to be ready for the wedding, it is now when I have to apologize.

"Well, I'm grateful I could help ... Listen, I know you already have a cardio head, I'm sorry ... I didn't want to put you in spot in there".

And Miranda begins to talk again about signs, to do something with her life, to seize the time, to listen to her voice and when I least expect it she offers me the position of interim chief of surgery and I'm stunned for a few seconds and all I can say is _"Let's keep talking"_ because before either of us could say anything else, Ben enters the room letting us know that the time had come.

The wedding, despite having been held in the hospital chapel couldn't have been more perfect and emotional and I couldn't stop crying, as practically every day for a few weeks, there was always something that made me cry, when it wasn't the sight of babies, pregnant women or puppies were songs, movies or even street advertising, I was an emotional wreck. Seeing my patient cry when she saw his daughter getting married made me cry even more.

"I'm sorry, it's just... it's so beautiful." I say ashamed for the great fuss I was doing with my crying and she just smiles broadly and offers me her hand.

"Are you expecting?" Her question leaves me frozen for a few tenths of a second, apparently I hadn't realized that during all this time my hand was resting on my belly and I hadn't stopped rubbing it for a single moment reveling my condition. Without hesitation I smile broadly too.

"I am". I answer and then we both laugh.

"Congratulations, a child is the greatest blessing".

"I know... I'm so, so happy".

"You look happy darling, you're glowing, pregnancy is suiting you".

Her words make me emotional and again I begin to cry. "Sorry… I'm sorry". She laughs softly.

Once the wedding is over I give my patient a final check and I say goodbye to Miranda agreeing to see us tomorrow to continue talking about my new job. When I look at the clock I realize that it is almost 4 in the morning and suddenly with seeing the time I feel extremely exhausted; I take my suitcases, I go to the street to take a taxi and I ask the driver to take me to the nearest hotel.

Once installed in my room I get rid of my shoes, I unbutton my jeans and I lie on the bed for a few minutes looking at the ceiling while I wait for the room service to comes with my dinner, I'm too lucky it is 24hrs. I can't stop rubbing my belly gently and I can't wait to feel my baby move, I want it so much, to feel for the first time that feeling that some describe as bubbles, others as a little fish, no matter what, I want to feel it already. Minutes later my dinner arrives and in minutes I devour everything, I hadn't realized how hungry I was and luckily this time my little one apparently agreed with my decision to eat since my stomach managed to keep everything. Before I fall asleep the little willpower that still remains in my body makes me get up to take a shower and oh God it feels so good, the hot water on my head, on my back relaxing each and every one of my muscles that until a few moments ago were tense and sore. I fall deeply asleep as soon as my head makes contact with the pillow... I've something very important to do first thing in the morning.

The next morning, like every morning for the past weeks nausea wakes me up and even half asleep I run to the bathroom to kneel in front of the toilet.

"Will you stop one day or will this be until you are born?" I say rubbing my belly.

After getting ready I go back to the street in search of a taxi and again the nerves don't let me think clearly, I had decided to tell Owen everything in the privacy of his house, where we could talk in peace and without interruptions, however, I still don't know what exactly I'll say, the last time we saw each other it ended so bad. How will I appear now with a smile on my face to tell him that I'm pregnant?

On the way to Owen's house I take out my cell phone and open the front camera.

"So... here we go again, I'm on my way to daddy's home to tell him everything... I know I told you I hoped for him to love you as much as I already do… but I'm _sure_ he will, your daddy has a huge heart and... He's gonna love you!" I shriek and once again I'm victim of the curious and puzzled look of the taxi driver, but once again I don't care.

Once I'm in front of Owen's house my heart starts beating hard, my hands sweat and in my lips plays a smile... I straighten my back and knock at the door, to my surprise again things are not as I expected…

I turn around and my legs tremble with each step I take, I don't know for how long they will stand me, if before my heart was already pounding fast now I could feel it against my ribs, I feel extremely nauseous, the pressure in my head and my ears don't let me assimilate one hundred percent what I just witnessed... _Owen_ and _Amelia_ , asleep, a _baby_... I don't understand anything, but what I do know is that I've arrived too late or, rather, it was never my moment and now...

The events of the following hours occur as in a dream, as my life has been in recent months... Miranda, Owen, Amelia, Leo, Maggie Pierce, blood clot... a dream, although sometimes I think it's a nightmare. From the moment I opened the door of my house and Owen was standing on the other side everything had been a rollercoaster of events... a dream... a _nightmare_. No, I corrected myself, maybe everything else was a nightmare, but never my baby, my little bubble has been the best thing that has happened to me in my life, regardless of how it was conceived.

I return to the hotel feeling completely defeated, destroyed, humiliated. I let myself drop on the bed and I cry so hard that soon my chest starts to hurt. But not only my chest, but also my soul, my whole being hurts and I just want this pain to disappear, melt with the air and evaporate to disappear and never again feel what I'm feeling. Again I'm devastated crying because of Owen and suddenly I feel so alone, although I know I'm not, but my baby is not much comfort at the moment, I need someone to hug me, to hold me, to hold complete and united these pieces of my soul that disarm little by little with each tear I'm shedding.

A thousand ideas go through my head about what I should do, I can't flight now, which means that I'll probably have to stay in Seattle for a couple of months or even until _my_ baby is born. Even in the midst of my pain I take the time to take my medication and elevate my legs against the headboard of the bed, while still shedding tears and thinking, planning... _What am I going to do now?_

Until yesterday night I had my life practically planned; I would tell Owen everything, I would work as Interim Chief, I would enjoy my pregnancy... I would share it with Owen. And now? Again my plans and my life fall apart little by little and I can't do anything to stop it. My head spins and the tears keep rolling down my temples reaching to wet my hair until I can't fight it anymore and the sleep wraps me and I let myself go hoping that with it my heart stops hurting... tomorrow will be another day, a new day…

* * *

 **A/N I've so many ideas about where to take this story that my head probably will explode! I hope you enjoyed :)**


	5. Chapter 5

_Tell me what you want to hear_ _  
_ _something that will light those ears._ _  
_ _Sick of all the insincere_ _  
_ _I'm gonna give all my secrets away,_ _  
_ _this time, don't need another perfect lie…_

* * *

 _ **TEDDY**_

The next morning when I open my eyes the sunlight that comes through window of my hotel room blinds me for a few seconds; I'm in bed fully dressed except for my shoes, I stay a few seconds looking at the ceiling remembering what had happened the previous day and wishing it had been a dream, but unfortunately it wasn't so I decide I'm not in the mood to get out of bed, much less to go outside , seconds later I can feel the bile up and down down my esophagus and I don't need more explanations to know what's coming so I get up immediately from the bed and go to the bathroom.

After throwing up I sit on the floor of the bathroom and carefully remove my compression socks, the clot is still there, that little red-purple limp on my inner thigh that seems harmless but if I don't treat it carefully could be fatal not just for me but also for my baby... _my baby_. I unzip my skirt from the side and remove it a little to see my belly, I don't know if it's my imagination but I can almost swear that what a few days ago was a tiny bulge that I managed to hide under my clothes now looks properly like a pregnancy belly that I can't keep hiding and to tell the truth that doesn't concern me now, on the contrary, a huge weight is lifted off my shoulders, I won't have to hide from anyone, I won't have to hide my belly from anyone because hopefully in a few weeks I'll be away from here, away of _them_ , away from _him_.

I sit there for a while, leaning my head against the wall with my eyes closed and my hands on my belly focusing simply on breathing, on breathing, on living, I know that my baby is and will be my main reason to keep living in the future, but today? Today I'm not in the mood to be positive, today I don't want to be positive, tomorrow I'll be, but today I'll stay here and cry, again, so tomorrow can start over; Yes, tomorrow I'll be positive, but today I'll cry my pain.

I get up off the floor and while I fill the tub for a long bath and order something for breakfast I find out that on my phone I've at least 10 missed calls from an unknown number and 1 voice message... It's Pierce, asking me to please call her before It's too late, well, maybe she doesn't know but it's already too late, there's nothing to do. I decide not to return the call and in the process to block her phone number, I don't want to be in contact with anyone related to Owen.

 _ **MAGGIE**_

I've lost count of how many times I've called the phone that Teddy gave me when she was my patient, I've even left a voice message but apparently it's in vain, after a few more attempts my call doesn't even connect, she blocked my phone number; Even though I know I must keep the secret I don't know how long I can take it anymore before having a meltdown, I hate secrets! I was procreated in one! Secrets only create more secrets and then lies, God, why me?! Why of the three attending in the hospital I had to be the one who treated _her_ precisely?

After calling her for the fifteenth time my pager lets me know that I'm required in the O.R... with Owen and Amelia. Great!

"What do we have?" I ask as soon as I come in to the O.R. and Owen proceeds to update me in the case, immediately I get down to work.

"Hey, remember we've to go to the super, Leo has no milk and Betty needs some things." Amelia tells Owen and just listening with the domesticity with which she talks knowing what I know makes me shudder.

"I don't know how much longer I'll be in this surgery, but what do you think if the first one that ends here picks up the kids and goes to the super?"

"Great!" Amelia answers.

I can't help having mixed feelings towards her, on the one hand I only want the best for her life, she has suffered too much and just deserves happiness, but I also think about that baby and everything that it can cause whether it is known or not its existence; knowing about it would affect this wonderful family that Amelia is forming, but if not... that poor baby will grow up without knowing who its real father is and he not knowing of its existence, just like Richard and me.

"Ok, I'm done here, I'm going to pick up Leo to the daycare and then to the super. See you at home?" Amelia finished her part of the surgery and now she's going home, I can see her eyes shine when talking about Leo, Betty or to do super, she's so happy... maybe this is the best, that the existence of that baby remains a secret, just as its mother wants.

"This will still take me a few hours, maybe I'll arrive even at dawn, but wait for me and keep my side of the bed warm." Owen gives her a wink and Amelia's smile grows bigger and I can't help but cringe internally. Owen and I continue to work in silence.

"Are you okay? You've been very quiet."

"Oh nothing ... a lot of work!" I said, feigning enthusiasm and I see how he frowns. "So... I found out you went to Germany to see Teddy." Oh shit, the words are already out of my mouth before I can stop them. I can see how his posture changes when he hears Teddy's name, it's clear that the topic makes him uncomfortable, especially talking about it with me.

"That's right! Why the question?" I can tell he's on the defensive.

To hell, I can defend Amelia without having to reveal Teddy's secret. "Oh for nothing in particular, just that now you seem to be very happy with Amelia, I guess Germany didn't mean anything to you, just like Teddy." My words leave him in silence and even under his mask I can see how his jaw tightens.

"What happens between Teddy and me is not your concern."

"You're right... but as long as you don't hurt Amelia" I say between clenched teeth

"She left, okay? Things didn't work and she is no longer part of my life. Are you happy?"

"Oh, so, since things didn't work with Amelia first, you go with Teddy and when it didn't work with her either you come back with Amelia again, is that right? She's not your security blanket, Owen". I can see the sweat accumulating on his forehead and his breathing getting deeper, he didn't expect me to talk like that, but I'm just defending my sister to be left with a broken heart with this situation in which she has unknowingly gotten herself into and everything because of Owen. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry... It's just that I want to make sure that she is nothing to you".

"Isn't Amelia the one who should ask me that question?"

"You know Amelia, she would never question your love, that's what her sisters are for".

"You are not his sister!" Oh great, now not only he shares a child with Teddy but also the mind.

"Anyway, are you 100% sure that Teddy is not here anymore?" And I point with my tweezers to the patient's heart in front of me. One, two, three seconds and he doesn't answer anything.

"BP is dropping!" The nurse let us know before Owen could answer, not that I expected an answer to be honest, it's not necessary to tell me anything to know that even in the bottom of his heart there are feelings towards Teddy what makes this situation even more difficult.

The rest of the surgery Owen and I remained in a silence more than uncomfortable, suffocating, I could notice that Owen was tense, he was beginning to make small mistakes that, although he solved them immediately, he wouldn't have to commit them if his mind was completely focused on the topic, it was clear that talking about Teddy had set him off.

I'm still thinking about ways to contact Teddy, she has blocked my phone number and I have no idea where she might be now, I know she can't be far away after all she has to rest and I want to think that she doesn't only know that, but appreciates hers and her baby's life enough to know that she can't make long trips at this time so it's likely that she's still in Seattle, but where?

I scrub out and keep thinking about how to contact her when Owen stands next to me to scrub out his hands too.

"I love Amelia". Owen tells me out of nowhere and I decide not to say anything, I don't want to make this even bigger. "But Teddy will always be an important part of my life and I can't change that... if it makes you feel better Amelia knows it, she knows that Teddy is important to me and even then she agreed to try again so... we're fine Maggie, you have nothing to worry about".

You have nothing to worry about? Are you kidding me? What about _"your person is expecting your baby while you play house with another woman"_? I can't take it anymore, I feel like I'm about to explode, I've to finish with this ...

"Owen... What would you do...?" No, I can't.

"What would I do if what?"

"Nothing, forget it".

"What would I do if Teddy came back?" I don't answer anything. "I don't know... I don't know what I would do".

"She's very important to you, isn't it?" He just nods with a grim expression. "Then why are you with Amelia?! Why do not you go and find Teddy?! "

"Because I know her... I know her and ... it's complicated, okay?"

I'm not a psychologist, but it's clear that Owen doesn't know what he wants, he's acting like an irresponsible teenager who goes from bed to bed and as an irresponsible teenager has already left his _mark_.

"I just want Amelia to be happy."

"Me too".

Owen turns around and before he leaves the scrub room I stop him. "Wait! By any chance would you know where Teddy is now? I need to talk to her about a case that I have." I lie.

"I... I don't know, I didn't even know she was in the country much less in town, but the last time she was here she stayed at the Four Seasons, maybe she's there again."

"OK, thanks". And with that I leave the room, I have something to do.

 _ **TEDDY**_

This day has been too weird, because of how I felt this morning I expected that I would spend the day crying but it wasn't like that, I haven't cried at all and I guess that's good, I don't feel like crying or screaming, I just feel sad , sad and disappointed.

After practically spending all morning and evening in my room I go down to the pool area I look for the most isolated armchair and I sit comfortably to watch the sunset. The blue sky begins to paint with soft shades of pink and yellow that in minutes becomes orange, red, purple, black; The moon shines brightly and is reflected in the calm waters of Elliott Bay as the colorful lights of the Seattle Great Wheel illuminates the pier and the ferries grow larger or smaller as they leave or come to the dock.

Suddenly I don't feel so sad anymore, I even smile, I smile and look down at my belly, I caress it gently and smile again; If I frame it with my two hands I can already notice the perfect curvature of my belly. I smile again and I hug myself snuggling deeper into the armchair until the cold, fatigue and my second dose of Heparin make me go back to my room.

Just as I open the door the phone in my room starts ringing and I immediately run to answer it.

"Teddy Altman"

"Teddy! It's me, Maggie. Please, please, please don't hang up! Please! Just give me ten seconds. Please!"

I hesitate about hanging up or not, at the end I sigh deep and let her speak. "You have nine seconds left".

"Teddy, please let's talk! I swear it'll be the last time I bother you, but let's just meet and let me talk to you for 10 minutes, I'm not asking for more please!"

She speaks to me quickly taking the ten seconds very seriously, I don't know what to say, my day was better than I expected and I didn't know if I was willing to let myself fall back into that black spiral of sadness, but it'll take 10 minutes to this woman not to bother me again, I would give them to her.

"Meet me tomorrow at 11:00 am at the Four Seasons' restaurant, there'll be a reservation under my name."

"B-but tomorrow I've wo..."

"11:00 am Dr. Pierce." And I hang up the phone.

The next morning when I go down to the restaurant Maggie is already waiting for me, she looks nervous, she's looking out the window, bites her bottom lip, plays with her hands and her leg jumps up and down.

"You are punctual Dr. Pierce."

She jumps when she hears my voice and turns her head quickly towards me, her gaze goes immediately to my belly which is already evident under my dress and although small, it already denotes my condition; she stares.

"Do you want to touch it?" I ask her.

"Yes! Not! I mean... no, I mean... wow, you didn't look that pregnant three days ago."

I just smile and take my seat in front of her. "Well, what did you want to talk to me about?"

"You have to tell Owen what's going on!" She tells me with a hasty use of words that for a moment remind me of myself when I'm too nervous.

"I already made my decision..."

"Just let me talk, I've 9 minutes left!"

She leaves me speechless and I just stare at her. "I... I joked about the 10 minutes, you can talk."

"Well... I... I don't even know where to start... you can't do this to your child, you can't deny it or Owen the possibility of knowing each other, knowing that the other exists... don't do to your child what that Ellis did to Richard and me... I loved my parents like nobody else in the world, but I'll never forgive Ellis for denying me the possibility of knowing Richard, knowing that he was my father from the beginning".

She gets up from her seat and looks at me firmly, as if talking about her experience has given her the courage to judge me and I won't deny it, she managed to give me just my weak spot, the _family_. Deep down I know that she is right, but I'm too stubborn and I'm too hurt to recognize it. "I hope that acting selfishly will help you sleep at night because your child will certainly not, he or she will spend sleepless nights wondering who is its father is and where he is." Maggie turns around and I'm speechless again, she has left me completely without arguments Who better than her to talk to me about this?

"Pierce, wait!" I shout at her when I manage to react, she stops and turns to me with a roll of her eyes. "Now you give me 10 minutes, please".

"I've work to do, Dr. Altman".

"Ok, just give me a few seconds, after all this is the last time we see each other, isn't it?" She sighs and comes back to take the seat she had previously occupied.

"I... I don't know what to say."

"What about the truth?"

"You don't understand, it's more complicated than it seems."

"Complicated why? Owen is the father, he deserves to know the truth... look, I don't know what happened between you two and I'm not interested in knowing, but whatever it is, he deserves to know."

"I'm afraid more people will get hurt with this." I said sadly and unable to look her in the eye. "I love Owen, Dr. Pierce... maybe for some I can look like a fool without dignity, but love doesn't vanish just like that, Owen hurt me but, stupidly if you want, I still love him... I respected his relationship with Beth and with Cristina and I want to do the same now with her relationship with Amelia and I know that if they know about the baby it could cause problems."

"My sister is a good woman Dr. Altman, she'll do the right thing and will know that this is not her fault or his or anyone else's... it's just fate".

"Can I ask you a question, Dr. Pierce?"

"Go ahead!"

I smile warmly, Maggie is a good and fair woman, so fair that she had the courage to open her heart and tell a perfect stranger about her personal life, that part of her life that maybe very few people know about. She opened her heart to me, me that I'm nothing to her for the sole purpose of doing justice for my baby, justice that wasn't given to her.

"Do you think your life would've been different with Richard in it?"

She doesn't think about it for a second and answers "Absolutely!" I just smile again and turn to the window losing my sight in the breathtaking view of Seattle. Maggie is right, in my attempt to not hurt more people I hadn't realized that I was unintentionally hurting the last person who I wanted to get hurt in this situation, my child. My father had always told me that it wasn't my fault that my mother wasn't with us, but deep down I always blamed myself for it, I wanted to hear those same words but from her mouth but it never happened, I'll always live with the doubt why she wasn't with us and the twists of life were now repeating the story, that story that I had sworn never to repeat.

"I'll talk to Owen, I'll tell him the truth and I'll step aside... what he decides to do next is his responsibility, know that I won't ask him to be with me, but I won't refuse him to be with me as long as it is for things related to our child... maybe this is going to hurt Amelia, but that won't be my fault anymore."

"I know and I understand... but I repeat Dr. Altman, my sister is not only good woman, she is also strong, pain has made her strong, she'll know how to handle this situation... now if you excuse me, I've a lot of work to do". Without saying another word and without letting me say anything else she gets up from her seat and leaves.

I keep thinking about her words, thinking how I'll tell Owen the whole truth, how I would get to stand in front of him and tell him that even though we are not together, that although he has moved on we'll be parents; I'm scared that he will hate me, that he will accuse me of wanting to tie him for life, or that he reproaches me for not having told him before but I've no other choice. I take a deep breath, take my cell phone and dial the number that is very familiar to me.

"Owen, it's me, Teddy... we need to talk…"

* * *

 ** _TO BE CONTINUED..._**


	6. Chapter 6

*****ENGLISH ISN'T MY LANGUAGE*****

 **My muse is back, so please, let me know if you are still interested in reading the rest or even reading this. To update this in the following days or end the fic here.**

* * *

 _But would you leave me if I told you what I've done,_

 _and would you leave me, if I told you what I've become,_

 _'cause it's so easy to say it to a crowd,_

 _but it's so hard, my love,to say it to you out loud…_

* * *

 _ **TEDDY**_

"Owen, it's me, Teddy... we need to talk ..."

He takes more seconds than I would like to answer and I'm already regretting, why wouldn't he? Surely he doesn't want to talk to me. You're an idiot Teddy.

"T-Teddy... what... yes... What's happening?"

I close my eyes and exhale slowly, his voice shakes every fiber inside me and makes my skin crawl. He sounds happy, through my head hundreds of images of him playing with that child, Leo was his name if I remember correctly, and with Amelia; surely they were playing and laughing and my call only came to interrupt them.

"Am I calling at a bad time? You know what? Forget it... "

"NO! No, no, no, it's okay, tell me what do you want us to talk about?"

"I'm sorry, I think I wasn't very clear, I meant that I need to talk to you... in person".

Again a few seconds of silence that I felt like hours and my brain translated it as apathy on his part.

"Oh"

Yes, definitely apathy.

"Ok, it's clear that I'm calling at a terrible time, it's okay... I... goodbye Owen".

"NO! Teddy, are you still there?!" He shouts and for a moment I can almost believe he cares whatever I have to tell him.

"Yes". I said almost in a whisper.

"Are you still here in Seattle? I... I thought you were gone".

I can't go, stupid, I have a blood clot that threatens to run through my bloodstream and lodge in my lungs or in my brain killing not only me but also our child that grows in my belly and of whom I need us to talk about. I think, obviously I would never tell him that. "Yes I'm still here, I have some things to fix before I leave, that's why I wanted to talk to you, but really Owen, if you can't or don't want to, I understand it perfectly."

"No Teddy," he says in a condescending tone that my emotions dominated by hormones don't know how to take. Concentrate Theodora, cold head. "Of course I want to talk to you, it's just that now... I'm alone and I don't have anyone to leave Leo with, the baby you saw the other day that we..."

"Yes, yes, yes, I know who you mean."

"Although... Would you mind if I took him with me?"

The question is hanging in the air. What should I say? I'm afraid that things get out of control, I know Owen and I know myself, I know that the moment will be intense and the presence of the baby in the middle of such situation couldn't be more inopportune, although on the other hand with the baby there maybe we both can hold back and so the conversation wouldn't be as intense as I imagine it, I don't know, but I want to think that it'll be like that, Owen wouldn't dare to scream in front of the baby, isn't it? I don't know.

"I don't know Owen, what I have to tell you is very important."

"Teddy, you're scaring me. Is everything okay?"

Oh no, nothing is fine and I'm scared too, I'm terrified. I think, but again I don't say anything. "I... it's okay, if you want, bring the child."

"Ok, where do I see you?"

"Four Seasons Hotel, Elliot Bay Suite, ninth floor".

"Wow, living the high life." He answers me laughing softly.

"Yeah". I respond softly and I know that I sound sad and Owen knowing me also notices it.

"Teddy, I'm serious. Is everything okay?"

"I see you here Owen." And I hang up the phone without giving him time to tell me in how many hours he'll be here so now I'll be a nervous wreck until the moment of his arrival. I cover my face with my hands and seconds later I can feel the moisture in my palms, I couldn't contain the tears. I can't cry here in a restaurant full of people so I clean my face with the top of my hand, take a deep breath and after taking a last look at the beautiful view of the bay I get up from my chair and leave the place.

As I go to my room I can feel my legs tremble with each step I take, as if something or someone were shaking the ground under my feet waiting for me to fall on my knees, defeated. When the elevator doors close behind me I can't keep it anymore and I crouch in the corner, hugging myself and crying quietly. What is happening to me? I know I said I don't cry, but this is not just the hormones, it's nerves, it's fear, I'm afraid to face Owen, afraid of his reaction, fear to see him go away again this time with that sweet baby in his arms while rejecting my child, our child.

Thousands of possible scenarios go through my mind and all are equally terrifying except for one, one in which when I say that I'm pregnant he is shocked, but seconds later a huge smile is drawn on his lips and he hugs me, and he kisses, and we cry, we cry with joy and he immediately starts making plans because it's Owen, always thinking ahead, he talks about buying a house, a car, decorating the baby's room, he talks about names and me too and then we argue, but not seriously, because deep down we both know the names that are meaningful to us; Edward, like his father if it's a boy, and if it's a girl, Allison... Allison as my person, my sister, the sister that that imposing tower took away from me years ago. None of that will happen.

As soon as I get to my room I lay in bed looking at the ceiling.

"The moment has come, sweet pea". I say while drawing small circles on my belly with the tips of my fingers. "Daddy will come, and I'll tell him everything... just hang in there, okay? Be strong for mommy". I sit cross-legged and cradle my belly. "I love you with all my heart and I will give my whole life to always see you happy".

Two hours later I have already eaten, vomited, walked like a caged animal all over my hotel room, vomited again and changed my clothes; The dress I wore that morning showed my condition, I don't want that the first thing Owen notices when he comes is my belly. The minutes pass, for a moment I feel I'll go crazy, only my steps that go from one side of the room to the other can be heard, I take my thumb to my mouth and start to bite my nail, my hands are sweaty but freezing cold, my whole body trembles, my heart beats arrhythmically, I feel the tightness of the lack of air in my chest, I find it hard to focus my sight and my head feels light. I bring my index and middle finger to my neck counting my heartbeats and trying to regulate my breathing, one, two, three, four... I think my blood pressure is high. Great!

I lay in the sofa breathing deeply. A knock on the door and my heart skips a beat. I get up and my body swings. Not now please. Gathering all my strength I walk with a step as firm as I can and I open the door with a tense smile.

"Owen!" I say as soon as I open the door, he's carrying Leo asleep with his small head resting on his shoulder and a huge diaper bag hanging from his other arm. The image provokes me mixed feelings, on the one hand, I can't deny that Leo is one of the sweetest babies I've seen in my life, but I also can't help feeling sad to think that my child may be replaced, I know it's stupid, Leo is just a baby, but I can't help it, maybe they are my crazy hormones, at this point I don't know.

"Hey." He answers me with a sweet smile, neither of us moves. "Can I come in? Or do you prefer that we talk in the hall?"

"Oh yes, sorry, come in." And I open the door wide to let him come in, I can't help but smile at the sight of Leo's sweet face asleep with his cheek smashed on Owen's shoulder and his small mouth slightly open. "You can lay him on the sofa if you like".

"Oh, would you mind if I do it in bed? He can move and fall off the sofa".

"Oh yes, of course go, that door." And he goes to the bedroom.

Of course the baby would fall off the couch. How couldn't I think about it? God, what kind of mother am I going to be? For a moment I feel scared. Let it go Theodora, now is not the time to think about that. I go and sit on the sofa staring at the bay, waiting for Owen.

 _ **OWEN**_

I don't know how to feel to be in front of Teddy again, I'm happy, happy to see her again especially with how things ended between us in Germany and how I handled the situation that day at the hospital; but I also feel ashamed, just a few weeks ago I was with her, I wanted my life with her and now... I have to admit that I'm a fucking jerk. Teddy doesn't deserve this, again I'm hurting her like no one. How is she feeling now seeing me with Leo? How will she feel now knowing that I'm living again with Amelia? Is she thinking that she was always right? That I don't know how to be alone? Because what I have with Amelia and the children is real, isn't it? I ask myself, this is not the product of my pathological fear of being alone, isn't it? God, what am I doing? I need a signal, something that gives me the answer, a sign to know that all this is not hurting anyone, but, specially, to know if it's the right thing.

I lay Leo in bed and place a fort of pillows around him, suddenly something catches my attention. At least five small boxes of Heparin and about five or seven syringes still in their packaging are on the nightstand next to a prescription. I can't help but pry, I take the prescription. Her name is in it, _Theodora Altman_. It's from a few days ago, the day I saw her at the hospital to be exact and... it's written by Pierce. What? What's going on?

For a moment I get scared, apparently Teddy is suffering from a medical problem and she hadn't told me anything. Of course she wouldn't tell me anything, stupid. Suddenly all the pieces of the puzzle seem to fit, if Teddy is taking Heprin that means she has blood circulation problems, she was carrying her luggage that day, she had probably arrived in Seattle that same day or the previous one, a transatlantic flight so it probably means... blood clot. Oh God, although treated on time it doesn't involve a high risk if not being treated on time it could cause a pulmonary embolism, I shudder to think about that possibility, I don't know if I would be able to recover if Teddy... no, don't think about that Hunt.

I put the prescription back on its place and make sure Leo is still asleep before leaving the bedroom. At the living room Teddy is sitting with her eyes lost in the bay, her elbows resting on her thighs and biting the nails of her two thumbs, she is nervous, whatever she has to say to me is serious. I think again about Heparin.

I sit on the couch in front of her facing her "Hey." My voice startles her. "I'm sorry it took so long, Leo threatened to wake up."

"Oh, it's fine". Silence. "Leo... is an adorable baby." She says smiling, although the smile doesn't reach her watery eyes, it seems that she wants to cry and that breaks my heart into a thousand pieces, seeing her cry has always been my weakness, there is nothing that destroy my soul more than seeing her eyes flooded with tears. Again I feel like the worst of the jerks. How did I not notice before? As beautiful and adorable as Leo is, it is clear that his presence is affecting Teddy, especially knowing that she has always wanted to be a mother.

"Yes, he is... but we're not here to talk about Leo, isn't it?"

"Not, we are not". She answers looking at the ground.

"Owen I... I don't know where to start... I." She keeps silent, closes her eyes, breathes deeply and when she looks at me again tears run down her rosy cheeks, but she wipes them immediately, although I've already noticed.

I get up from my seat to go to her but she raises her hand making me stop, I sit down again and I look at her.

"I know that what happened in Germany didn't mean anything to you."

"Teddy I..."

"Just let me speak, okay?"

"I know you didn't mean it... that... that you were playing!" She laughs humorlessly as she wipes her tears and if my heart was broken before it is now dust. Then her expression changes, there is no emotion either in her face or her voice. "That night meant the world to my Owen, and I hate myself for that, I was deceived in the worst way and I will never forgive myself for being so stupid... You knew how to get to me... how to make me believe what you said... you played your cards like you've never done before and I fell in your game".

I just look at her and I also feel like crying because she is wrong, that night also meant the world to me, but I know her, I know that no matter how much I try to convince her otherwise she will not believe in my words and how would she? Only weeks later I was living with Amelia again. Am I doing the right thing? Do I really mean all this _"happy family"_ and these _"strings"_ that I have with Amelia? Is not my scape door to avoid reality again? A reality in which I had ruined everything, in which I had destroyed the only human being who had always cared for me, a reality that terrified me, a reality without her, without Teddy. But if that's the case, that means that eventually I'll also hurt Amelia... I'm really destroying everything in my path, killing everything I touch.

"Teddy... what happened in Germany, I..."

"Owen, I'm pregnant!"


	7. Chapter 7

_*******_ **ENGLISH ISN'T MY LANGUAGE*****

 _ **First**_ **of all, I want to thank and dedicate this chapter to every single people who took a minute of their time to review my last chapter, it means more than you can imagine for me to know that there are still people interested in reading my follies. I love you guys, you made my day with your words!**

 _ **Second**_ **. When I said that my muse was back, I really meant it. When I finished writing this chapter I realized that it had almost 6 thousand words so I decided to divide it in two, tomorrow or in the next few days I'll publish the second part.**

 _ **Third**_ **. Speaking of my muse I'm quite motivated to write, so if you have suggestions, ideas, prompts of specific moments that you would like to write, don't hesitate to send me a DM or leave a comment, either for Tenry or Towen fic. Together we can survive this hiatus with some fics, don't you think?**

* * *

 _Who said that love was enough to be happy?_

 _They were imbeciles because they haven't known you_

 _They don't know how hurts your words that cut me_

 _They don't know how hurts your absence that clouds me_

 _You see that I'm loving you so much, so much that it scares me_

 _and it's not enough for you..._

* * *

 _ **OWEN**_

Did she?

As soon as my head registers her words a switch turns everything off inside me preventing me from reacting, I'm paralyzed, I can't take my eyes off her face, but I can't perceive what she is feeling either, much less what I am feeling.

 _ **TEDDY**_

He is in shock and I don't blame him, but at the same time I'm a little relieved, this huge burden that was weighing on my shoulders and that I was dragging as if it were the worst of sins for months has finally risen, I would like to say that I feel lighter when the reality is that this is only the beginning, but at least it's one less problem in my long list of concerns, in my long list of sins.

It took an uproarious thunder that announced the arrival of the rain for Owen to react, he shakes his head slightly and gets up from his seat, I follow him, he looks at me and his expression changes completely.

"Why are you telling me this now?! Why did you keep it a secret for all this time?!" He is angry, but I'm furious.

"Are you serious? When did you want me to tell you? When I went to your house full of hope and that girl opened the door telling me that you and Amelia were asleep? Tell me! Did you want me to go to bed in the middle of you two to tell you the news?"

"You could've do it in another moment!"

"When, Owen?! Tell me when! When I ran into you leaving the elevator with your new family? A lovely moment to tell you, isn't it?" I'm shaking with rage and my heart beats harder and faster than ever.

"It is my child too! I deserved to know about its existence from the beginning!"

I looked at him and I chuckled in disbelief. "You don't deserve anything Owen, you don't deserve to be a father." As soon as my words are out of my lips I regret them.

"And you do? After hiding my child's existence all these months?"

"From the moment I had to deal alone with everything you put me through, all the pain and humiliation I deserve it!"

He walks towards me and stands towering me with his huge body. "You think yourself so kind, so deserving..." He speaks through clenched teeth and his voice is so cold that it could almost freeze the room. "But you're worse than your mother." Before I realize the palm of my hand has crashed against his cheek, the stinging pain in my hand only increases my adrenaline, I want keep slapping him. How dare he? He is the only person who knows about my mother and what her actions and her absence mean to me, I feel that I'm about to explode, I'm not my mother, I'm not like her.

"Get out... GET OUT OF HERE!"

He takes me by the arms, he is hurting me and I can feel his body tremble like mine. "I will not leave until we solve this."

"Let go of me!" I shout pulling myself out of his hands and seconds later Leo's cry interrupts us.

We step aside aside breathing deeply and quickly, we look at each other with expectation waiting for the other to react while the child continues crying in the next room. Owen growls, "We are not finished," he warns me pointing at me with his index finger, then turns around and gets lost behind the door of my bedroom closing it with a loud bang.

I drop in the sofa crying and covering my mouth so he doesn't hear me. We both crossed a line, a line that we should never have crossed, it was clear that we wanted to hurt each other so we just said _that_ that we knew would hurt us in the soul. I should never have told him that he doesn't deserve to be a father, especially after I told him that I'm pregnant, much less after years of knowing that it has always been his biggest dream. But he shouldn't have compared me with my mother... my mother.

Only Owen, and Allison of course, knows the story of my mother, how her absence affected me and my father's life. We lived in a tiny basement in Brooklyn; a bedroom, a bathroom and a kitchen-living room, despite our narrow circumstances I was happy, I had no idea of all the problems my parents had, for me the most important thing was to have them both, they were my happiness, but for my mother that wasn't enough, we weren't enough, she dreamed with more, living on the other side of the bridge, in Chelsea or SoHo, in some luxurious penthouse on the Upper East Side, being the queen of 5th Avenue or Park Avenue.

So one day without warning she went to work to never to return, I didn't understand anything and my father was devastated, but even so he dedicated the rest of his life to make me happy, to make the absence of my mother less painful. Every 4th of July he would take me to see Macy's fireworks show, on Halloween he would handmade my costume with odds and ends of his old clothes and took me to walk the streets to do trick or treat, always behind me, always smiling; on Thanksgiving when the money wasn't enough for turkey he would bought a roasted chicken and instant mashed potatoes, for me it was heaven.

But without any doubt my favorite holiday was Christmas, throughout the year my father saved money so in December together we would go to the best Christmas tree farm in New York to buy the largest and leafiest tree in the place and if the budget I would allow it we would buy some new decorations that would go with the worn ones we had at home, even so, my father made it look like the most beautiful of the trees, and for me it was, I could spend hours in front of it looking at the lights. And of course every year without missing we would go to the see the lighting of the Christmas tree at the Rockefeller Center and if we had luck, and money, we would skate on ice in The Rink, I never knew how my father did it, but there was no Christmas in which it didn't appear at least a gift for me at the foot of the Christmas tree, sometimes dolls, new clothes, ribbons and headbands for my long blonde hair, socks and the best of all was when I found a bicycle and a pair of roller skates, I literally cried.

And even though one of my biggest dreams as a child was going to see a musical on Broadway, the money was never enough, much less when my father got sick of his heart, it was at that moment that I decided that whatever it cost me I would go to med school to become at least a cardiologist, who would've thought that I would end up being a cardiothoracic surgeon. Over the years and when my work finally began to give me enough money I took my father out of that basement to a small apartment in the West Village, which although it was a bit far from my work in Columbia was perfect for the both of us, nothing the subway couldn't solve, it had two bedrooms, living room _and_ kitchen and it was close to Allison's house; I still remember the face of my father when he saw the place, his huge smile and his green eyes shining with tears will be something that I will remember until the day of my last breath.

Remembering all that right in this moment made me cry even harder, I had no one and I needed my father, at 43 years old I needed my father, I wanted him to hug me, to stroke my hair and whisper in my ear that everything would be fine, that this was just a storm and that the sun would soon rise, I needed him here, I needed someone, I had never felt so alone as in these moments.

Minutes later my crying had stopped, now only the tears ran down my cheeks remembering everything I had and that life had taken away from me.

 _ **OWEN**_

When I came into the room Leo was crying on the bed and reaching out his little arms towards me to hold him up, he wanted me, he needed me, I was being good to him. How could Teddy tell me that I didn't deserve this? But the truth is that we both hurt each other, we didn't measure our words, we were selfish and we hurt the other. We didn't realize that from now on it will no longer be about us, from now on we'll have to put that _tiny human_ first before saying anything that could potentially hurt him or her.

While I hold Leo in my arms to calm his cries, thousands of emotions pass through me, I'm furious with Teddy for not having told me before of the existence of my child, _our child_. The mere thought sends electric currents all over my body and makes my skin crawl, my child, mine, ours. Even in the midst of my anger I can't help but feel giddy at the thought and smile widely. Deep down I've always known that it's likely that Leo is only temporary, that doesn't mean I don't love him, of course I love this chubby boy that I carry in my arms, but I also know that Betty is trying really hard to overcome the drugs, I know that once she's clean she'll want her baby back. But that baby? That baby that Teddy is carrying in her belly, that baby that we created in a unique, magical and oh so anticipated moment and of whom I just discovered its existence. He or she will always be here, no one will take it away from me, not even Teddy, it will always be my child and I will always be its dad no matter what.

I keep lulling Leo back to sleep, he hides his little face in my chest, I realize he always does that, or when he's in the crib he covers his face with the blanket, he doesn't like to sleep with the light on; minutes later he is deeply asleep again, I put him back in the place where he was and I look at him intently as I try to remember the whole conversation, or rather, the fight that I just had with Teddy, she tried to tell me in more than once, she flew from the other side of the world just to tell me and instead she discovered that I had already moved on and... out of nowhere my train of thoughts stops with overwhelming force. _The Heparin_.

I get out of bed and quickly leave the bedroom, in the living room Teddy is sitting in the same place, staring at the bay, hugging a cushion as tears run down her cheeks reaching her neck. Even in the middle of my anger my heart cracks, I can almost swear that she is thinking about her mother. I slap myself internally, even so, I stand in front of her firmly, but she seems not to notice my presence.

"Why didn't you tell me about the blood clot?" I ask. She takes a few seconds to react but when she looks at me her eyes look empty.

"W-What?" She asks, absentminded.

"The blood clot, the Heparin! Why didn't you tell me?!"

She smiles incredulously and shakes her head. "Maybe because I first wanted you to know about our child!"

"Anything that could harm the baby is also important and you should tell me!"

"Maybe if for once in your damn life you gave me time to talk you would've known! But no, you decided to act like a savage!"

I turn my back on her and stand in front of the window looking at the bay with my hands on my hips breathing deeply, I'm angry but I'm trying to restrain myself from bursting in rage again, especially for her, I know that tension won't do her any good, so for her sake and the baby's, my baby, I'll try to stay calm.

"Owen, I don't want to fight, please." She tells me in a voice so soft that it sounds almost childish and I can hear the undertone of defeat.

I turn around and look at her… I can't be angry with her, no matter how much I want I can't, she owns me, she can make shreds with my skin, tear me to pieces, but I would never ever hate her and now that I know she's carrying my child in her womb less, now less than ever I could hate her, that doesn't mean I'm not upset, of course I am, but I know it will go away soon.

 _ **TEDDY**_

I feel the crushing weight of his gaze on me, suffocating like a heavy slab on my chest, I feel his eyes judging me and I can almost hear his mind plotting his sentence. I feel small, like a tiny being overshadowed by his imposing presence, vulnerable. Suddenly I feel as if the walls around were getting smaller as I struggle to catch air and fill my lungs; everything happens so fast, one moment Owen is on the other side of the room looking at me with eyes full of what I assume is hatred, and the other he is kneeling in front of me, taking my face in his hands. I was hyperventilating…


	8. Chapter 8

*****ENGLISH ISN'T MY LANGUAGE*****

 **OMG, guys, are you serious?! I'm overwhelmed with all your reviews, I think it's the first time I get so many in one chapter, thank you, thank you, thank you. Your words are what keeps me going and typing.**

 **Oh, and by the way, I'm still receiving prompts, I got a couple of DMs with some interesting ones, maybe I'll work on them in the next few weeks, but first I want to get chapter 9 ready.**

 **Anyway, enjoy and let me know what you think, your opinion is really important to me :)**

* * *

 _But this does not mean I stopped loving you,_

 _I'm with you even if you are far from my life,_

 _for your happiness at the expense of mine._

 _Now you have just half of the great love I still have for you_

 _You can be sure that who loves you has my blessing_

 _I want you to be happy, even if it's not to be with me…_

* * *

 _ **TEDDY**_

"Teddy look at me, look at me! Breathe." He tells me and I can perceive some consternation in his voice. I think after all it wasn't hatred what I saw in his eyes a few moments ago, or maybe it was, I don't know, I'll never know, I feel I don't know him anymore.

As much as I try to follow his instructions, I can't manage to fill my lungs with air, I feel the burning pressure and my eyes get cloudy with every second that passes.

"Calm down, is all fine". He piles up the cushions on the sofa and helps me to lie down kneeling on the floor next to me again, caressing my hair, he knows that's the only way to calm my panic attacks, caressing my hair. "Easy, breathe." He looks me in the eyes while still stroking my hair and I try to follow his instructions inhaling and exhaling every time he does. "That's it, that's right, breathe."

Minutes later I feel a little better, my breathing has returned to normal, although I still feel somewhat weak.

"Do you have a medical case?" He asks me.

"It's in the bedroom, in the closet."

Without telling me anything else he gets up from the floor, goes in search of the case and in a matter of seconds he is back.

"Can you sit?"

"Yes, I think so." I try to get up on my elbows, but they are not strong enough and I fall back against the cushions, immediately Owen puts his arm behind my shoulders, slowly lifting me up and in a soft movement, unconsciously I lean my head on his chest and I inhale his aroma, even after so many years he still uses the same perfume, with great care and softness he helps me to sit down.

"Give me your arm." I obey and he places the cuff of the blood pressure meter on my left arm, followed by the diaphragm of the stethoscope, places the other end in his ears and once everything is set up he presses again and again the air bulb that pumps up the cuff. "Your blood pressure is awfully high." He says frowning.

I close my eyes and let my head fall on the backrest of the sofa "Yes, I realized just before you arrived".

"Why didn't you tell me anything?" This time he doesn't sound angry, on the contrary, his voice is soft and he places his hand on my thigh rubbing his thumb gently against the fabric of my leggings. I don't answer anything I just sigh deeply.

We both remain silent, motionless, afraid to break this moment of calm and that the storm will once again come back to destroy the both of us. As always something interrupts us, the ring of my cell phone. It wasn't a call, it was my alarm, my reminder for my Heparin shot. I raise my head and reach out towards the coffee table where my cell phone is, but before I can reach it Owen already has it in his hand and hands it to me.

"I'm sorry, I have to... to do something." Obviously Owen saw the reminder, it wasn't necessary to tell him what I had to do.

"Stay here, I'll go get it." Again he rushes to the bedroom and I drop my head back on the backrest. This isn't going as I planned, although in fact I hadn't planned anything, this is a disaster, there is no way to plan something like this, it would be a completely different story if we were both together, maybe I would prepare one of those corny pregnancy announcements, like a box with the positive pregnancy test and a sign that says _"Hey daddy, I can't wait to meet you"_ , or a onesie that says _"Best daddy in the world"_ , or an ultrasound print that says _"I'm on my way",_ now that's a plan! But this?! This was a disaster waiting to explode in my face from the beginning.

I bring my hands to my belly, that always brings me peace, I breathe deeply. "You're being very brave for mommy." I whisper.

 _ **OWEN**_

 _"You are being very brave for mommy"_

Teddy is cradling and rubbing her belly that until now was hidden under her baggy sweater and she is talking to the baby, to _our_ baby; that moment, that image turns out to be so powerful that in seconds everything becomes more real, everything takes shape, this is real, _my_ child is real, I'm really going to be a father, suddenly I feel the urge to join her, to place my hands next to hers and whisper words of love to the baby, to my baby, our baby.

The image is so sweet that it makes me forget everything that we shouted at each other just a few minutes ago, her face is serene and her voice is as soft as velvet, I don't want to interrupt that moment, she is glowing and more beautiful than ever.

"Here it is". I hand her the Heparin box and the syringe.

"Thanks, just... Would you do me another favor?"

"Sure!"

"Could you bring me the alcohol and the cotton that is in the bathroom?" In seconds I go and come back with her request.

"Do you want me to help you?"

She hesitates a little looking between the Heparin and me. "I-If you want" And she leaves the final decision to me.

I take the medicine and the syringe from her hands and she lies down in the sofa pulling up her sweater showing her belly, for a moment my heart skips a beat, or maybe more, it isn't big but it is big enough to notice it in her abdomen that has always been so flat and toned. It's perfect, a perfect curvature that goes from her pubic bone and becomes more prominent in her navel and extending just slightly to the edge of her ribs.

Before thinking about it I place my hand flat on her belly and feel her tense and gasp, I immediately take off my hand.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry I should've asked, I..." She takes my hand again, pulls down the waistband of her leggings leaving her baby bump completely exposed and places it right where I had placed it a fraction of seconds ago, she places both her hands over mine and smiles softly at me, I smile back.

"You shouldn't ask Owen, it's your baby too." I feel a huge lump in my throat, she removes her hands, but mine stays there, practically I cover the whole bulge with one hand, even so I start to caress her small baby bump entirely, I have no words to describe what I'm feeling in these moments, I want to laugh, laugh loudly, I want to cry, I want to scream, jump... I want to kiss her, but I can't do that. I could do this all day, every day, it's something hypnotic.

"Owen?"

"Yeah?" I mutter without taking my eyes off her baby bump.

"The Heparin".

"Oh yes, sorry, it's just that this is..."

"I know, I can't take off my hands either, it's my favorite spot."

"I don't doubt it". I chuckle

I set everything to apply the injection, she hisses a little when the needle goes through her skin, but seconds later everything is over.

"Done!" I say with a triumphant tone.

"Thank you".

She rearranges her leggings and sweater and sits on the sofa.

"How do you feel?" I ask and place a strand of hair behind her ear and she looks at me surprised. Just weeks ago this little gesture would've been something completely normal between us, there would be no need for questions, I would just do it, but now she is surprised and I can even notice doubt in her eyes.

"Better, thanks".

Again the silence, but again it doesn't last long, Leo wakes up crying, probably hungry or his diaper is soiled.

"Go, go get him!" She encourages me.

In no time I go to the room where again I find Leo crying and kicking in the middle of the fort of pillows that I placed around him; I check his diaper and he's clean so he's probably hungry, I take the bottle that I already have prepared in the diaper bag and I leave the room with him in my arms.

When Teddy sees us, as if in command her eyes are filled with tears but this time they don't roll down her cheeks, they stay pooling in her deep green eyes. She taps the sofa and I take the place next to her.

"He is hungry" I let her know. And she looks at Leo with eyes full of tenderness, her face lights up and this time her smile reaches her eyes and makes me want more than ever to kiss her. She blinks and a single tear rolls down her rosy cheek and she wipes it immediately with a soft giggle.

"Sorry, I'm sorry it's just that... the hormones are in control now! I can't help but cry every time I see a baby."

"Do you want to hold him?" As soon as I ask that question she tenses up and I regret it, maybe this is being very difficult for her, but knowing her, she tries to hide it.

"I... if you want." I place Leo in her arms with great care and I hand her the bottle with milk. Instinctively she starts to gently rock him and never looks away from his face while feeding him. This looks good in her, motherhood suits her and makes her shine naturally, she seems taken from a painting of romanticism.

We both remain silent a moment and only the sounds of Leo sucking his bottle can be heard, we both look at him smiling and this... this feels good; For a moment I venture to imagine that this is my family now, that we are in our living room, in our home, that Leo is ours and that soon we will welcome his little sibling, that we are together but the more I get lost in my thoughts one by one the pieces of this perfect painting that I'm creating break down and nothing remains but the harsh reality. We are not at home, Leo isn't fully mine... she is not mine.

"Owen I... I mean it, I don't want to fight, I want us to solve this in the best possible way." She whispers to me while rocking Leo.

"I completely agree with you, I don't want to fight either, Teddy." She smiles softly at me and carefully gives me Leo back to make him burp. "Even if you don't believe it I worry about you and I... what I said about your mother, I didn't mean it and you know it, I'm so, so sorry, please forgive me."

"Oh no, don't apologize, I was out of line too... I mean look at you, you're amazing with Leo, you're already an incredible dad Owen, you can distinguish when he cries because he's hungry, his diaper is dirty or he wants to sleep, you know how to make him burp after eating, you know you can't lay him on the couch because he will probably fall to the ground. I-I would never have thought of that! I would've laid him there and he would've fallen and I-I... What kind of mother will I be Owen?!" She rambles with her oh so characteristic rushed use of words moving her hands in all directions while stifling a whimper. Although I know it's one of her nervous speeches and she's probably scared at the idea of not being a good mother, I can't deny that she looks adorable, her ramblings have always seemed to me the most adorable thing in the world.

I stop patting Leo's small back for a moment and take one of her dainty hands in mine. "You'll be an incredible mother Teddy, and you will not be alone, you'll have me all the time by your side, supporting you".

She removes her hand from between mine and gets up from the sofa pacing nervous in front of me.

"What? What's wrong?" I ask.

She goes to the window with her back to me hugging herself.

"Teddy? What happens now?"

"That this is not true." She answers me with such sadness in her voice that her words stick like daggers in my heart.

"Why not?"

She turns to me and the vision takes my breath away, the rays of sunlight that manage to cross the black clouds that have been announcing the rain for a while illuminate her golden curls making them look like gold threads, around her slender silhouette creates a halo of light making her look like a divine being, but... her cheeks are wet with the crystalline tears that run through them, again I made her cry and again my heart breaks.

"Because you are not here, you won't be here with me always, you won't be here when fear takes over me and I go into crisis thinking that I'll be the worst mother in the world, you won't be on those nights when the back pain is so unbearable I won't be able to sleep, or when I fight every morning to tie my shoe laces, or when the baby kicks for the first time or every time in general... you won't be here and that was your decision, _you_ decided that _I_ was not enough, you decided to be with _her_."

Amelia.

From the moment that that changing life confession came out of her lips I hadn't thought of Amelia. God, how will I tell her this? What will happen now? I'm committed to this little attempt of family we have even when there is no official label between us, I'm Leo's foster dad and she is Betty's sponsor, but we are together, we are helping these children together, but this news are coming to change everything completely, I love Teddy, I really do, and of course I already love this baby wholeheartedly too and I want to be there in every new event, the first kick, every ultrasound, baby shopping, everything, is what I always dreamed, I don't want to miss it for anything or anyone in the world... What am I doing? In what disaster have I got these two women? Will I ever stop hurting everyone I love? This time it's not just us, now there are children in the picture, they are the most affected and those who least deserve it.

"Owen, I just... forget everything I said, you don't have to worry about me, really, I'll know how to deal with all this by myself and hopefully I'll forget everything we had in Germany so... I don't want you to feel obligated to me, you go on with your life as until now, just know that I will never stop you from seeing your child, you can see him or her whenever you want and go to every medical appointment with me, I'll never stop you... I just hope _she_ understands it".

"Teddy... Amelia and I…"

"I don't care what you and Amelia have! Really. I must confess that I'm amazed but not surprised... You really didn't waste time! "She adds with a laugh and although she tries to sound carefree I can feel the undertone of her sadness.

"You told me that I didn't know how to be alone..." I say defeated and clinging to Leo's small body like a lifesaver.

"And you didn't waste time to prove me right…"

We both hold the look and I know that she thinks the same as me, we both try to find the right words to help us solve this situation, to explain this situation, but the truth is that there aren't, there is no way in which this can be solved without at least one of the parties getting hurt and at this moment I would like to be the only one to suffer, none of these women deserves it.

"Do you mind if we keep talking about this later?" Teddy asks me, cutting my train of thought.

"What?"

"I'm really exhausted, I'd like to take a shower and call an early night... I don't have the strength to keep trying to solve this when the solution is very simple."

"What do you mean?"

"You can tell Amelia that she doesn't have to worry about this..." She looks down and cradles her small baby bump. "I'm not going to ruin whatever you have." She looks at me again with those sad eyes. "I just want my child to know its father, that's all, now if you'll excuse me." She makes a gesture with her hand inviting me to go to the door.

I don't want to cause her more stress so I agree to leave. "When will we meet again?"

"I'll call you".

I can't help but smile faintly. "Would you mind if...?" I point to her baby bump and she immediately catches the message and agrees with a smile.

I sit Leo on the sofa supporting him with cushions at his sides. I kneel in front of her and placed a kiss on the tip of her bump. "I already love you". I whisper and immediately get up, take Leo and the diaper bag to leave as quickly as possible, I know that if I stay another moment I will never be able to leave.

Once out of the room in the hallway I stop for a few seconds to think, I'm not sure if I want to go home, I need think, I need to talk to someone, I need someone to advise me about this and I think I know who the right person is. I adjust a drowsy Leo on my shoulder and his diaper bag on the other, I have to talk to her...

* * *

 **Who do you think Owen will talk to?**


	9. Chapter 9

*****ENGLISH ISN'T MY LANGUAGE*****

 **Thank you, thank you, thank you very much again to all of you for your lovely reviews. I really appreciate them wholehearted, they are the reason why I keep writing. Love you.  
**

 **Let me know what you think and where do you think this is going ;)**

* * *

 _ **Everything I ever did was just another way to scream your name…**_

* * *

 _ **OWEN**_

Although I know where I'm going I'm still driving through the city postponing the arrival to my destination. Leo sleeps peacefully in his baby seat making soft noises. Soon I'll have to place one more baby seat in the car. A huge smile is drawn on my face. A baby. I'll have a baby. Teddy and I are going to have a baby. Leo will have a brother or sister. Or maybe not. Child Services hasn't told me anything about going from being a foster parent to being an adoptive parent, and deep down I know that he'll be back with his mother soon, that's partly why I'm with Amelia, helping Betty to stay clean.

God. Amelia. What am I going to tell her? I need some advice and I need it now. Without losing more time I take the road that leads me to where I want to go. I have to talk to my mother.

While I wait for her to open the door with Leo in my arms chills run through my body, I don't know how I'll begin to explain her all this mess I made, I fear what she'll say, what she'll think. I know she'll be happy with the news of the baby, she loves Teddy. But what will she say when she knows what happened in Germany? The reason why Teddy kicked me out of her house. What will she say about me living with Amelia again after that? Before my thoughts could go further my mother opens the door surprised to see me standing there.

"Owen! What are you doing here?!"

"Mom... I need an advice." I say huffing. Defeated.

"Come on, son."

I come into the house and while I take a sleeping Leo to the room she makes two cups of tea. Soon we are both in the living room facing each other.

"An advice on what?"

"Mom, I... I don't even know where to start..."

"Owen, you're scaring me. What did you do?"

"It's Teddy, mom."

Her eyes open wide. "What's wrong with her? Is she sick?"

"No mom, she... she's pregnant."

She puffs in relief. "Son you scared me, I thought it was something worse. But wait, why do you want an advice? You are the…?"

I don't let her end when I nod slowly.

"Oh, that's... when did that happen? Teddy is not even in the country."

"Oh, she's now back in town, but I went to Germany to look for her."

"But when was that? I mean, you've been fostering Leo and living with Amelia and that girl for two months."

"I went about three months ago and that's the problem mom. I came back from Germany and immediately embarked on being a father and being with Amelia and she... she came back a few days ago to tell me everything and when she saw me with Amelia... mom, you should've seen her face, or not, it's better didn't. I know her, she tried to play it cool but I could see the pain in her eyes and thinking in hindsight that day she was going to tell me about the baby and... I hurt her mom, I hurt her so much".

My mother looks at me with an impassive face, I can't pick up anything from her expression. I don't know if she's surprised or upset. Even being her son I know she'll be upset with me when I tell her the whole story.

"So, you went to see Teddy, you traveled to Germany just for her and you were with her... Why?"

"Because Amelia told me."

"Oh, so if Amelia tells you to jump off a bridge or throw yourself into the train tracks, you do it."

"No mom, I didn't explain myself well... she, she made me see how much Teddy means to me and she was right... mom, all this time I've always loved Teddy, she is the only one that has always been there for me and now... She is carrying my child, mom".

"If you love Teddy, what do you do with Amelia? But first answer me, what are you and Amelia? Are you back as a couple?"

I'm speechless for a moment. I don't know what to answer I don't know what Amelia and I are. We are... together? That's what we are. We are together.

"Owen? What are you doing with Amelia? "

"I..." I don't know, I don't know what I'm doing with Amelia beyond helping Betty and taking care of Leo. Yes, I told her I wanted the strings, but how to start tying the strings if we can't even tie a label between us?

She takes a sip of her tea and looks me straight in the eye. "You've never known how to be alone Owen, since you were a child. You always had to be accompanied, you followed Megan everywhere with the excuse of taking care of her, but it was not to be alone. Then when you started dating girls, you never spent more than two months in a row without a girlfriend".

"Teddy told me that I've a pathological need to be coupled up." I say almost in a whisper without being able to look her in the eyes.

"And she's right. You were also impulsive. Always. You were never satisfied, you always wanted more. Each new impulse was _'the best impulse of your life'_ " She quotes with her fingers. "It was the best impulse until something new came, something more attractive. And part of that was my fault, I never taught you how to deal properly with frustration."

"What?! No mom, this is not your fault, this is just my fault. I said and did things I should never have said or done and now I hurt Teddy and I'm sure I'm going to hurt Amelia too."

"And not just them, now there are children involved Owen."

"I don't know what to do mom. I'm committed to Amelia and the children, but Teddy... "

"I think you've come to the wrong person, son. You know that Teddy has always been my favorite girl, more now that I know she'll give me a grandchild. And Amelia... don't take me wrong she's a good woman, now. But have you forgotten everything that happened when you were married?"

"That was the product of the tumor mom, you know it".

"I'm sorry Owen but you can't blame all her actions to the tumor. She ran away the day of your wedding, first she told you she wanted a big family and then that she didn't want children. Then she leaves you and goes and hides and on top of all that she was never by your side when Megan came back, tell me Owen, was all that the tumor? Are you one hundred percent sure she will not do it again?"

"I don't know mom."

"What will you do son?"

"I expected you to tell me." I answer sheepishly.

"I can't tell you what to do, Owen. Only you know what you feel. I just want you to answer me. Why did you come back from Germany to be with Amelia if you love Teddy?"

I can't bring myself to say it, although I know it's useless. I know my mother asked me that question because she already knows the answer. Pierce also asked me a similar question and I also couldn't answer her. There is no need to continue hiding it. I can't keep hiding it. Teddy was right. My mother is right.

"Because I was lonely." I say almost in a whisper and looking at the ground. I don't want to see the shame on my mother's face.

"Do you think Amelia deserves this? Do you think Teddy and your child deserve this? Owen, you're not a kid anymore, you're about to be a father. You're already a father to Leo! You must stop being so selfish and reckless."

She is upset, I can tell in her voice. I still can't look her in the face.

"Anyway, Teddy doesn't want anything with me mom. She is aware of my situation with Amelia and doesn't want me to end things with her just because she's carrying my baby."

"Yes. It sounds like Teddy. But you can't leave Amelia and the children, just like that, Owen."

"I know mom! But... I want to be with Teddy too, I want to live this experience with her, complete. You should see her mom, she... she's glowing". Suddenly I feel like a little boy telling his mother about his favorite thing in the whole world. "She has this little baby bump, I mean, you know Teddy, she's tiny, so her little belly is really showing up and she... mom, she left me place my hand on it". I can't help but chuckle as I remember how I felt as I placed my hand on the soft skin of her belly. "My whole hand was covering her belly a-a-and... I want to be there mom! I want to be there at every medical appointment, when the baby kicks for the first time and every time it does, when I can't even wrap my arms around her waist, I want to be there, for everything. And not just for the baby, I want to be there for her. Because it's her. If it were any other woman I'd be willing to co-parenting with her, but with Teddy... there was a time when I dreamed about this mom, _with_ her."

"I think you just gave yourself the answer you were looking for. But it won't be easy, I know Teddy and you know her too, she won't let you end things with Amelia."

"I know mom."

"You need to talk to Amelia."

"I know".

"She is a good woman son. She'll understand. Maybe she'll help you do the right thing."

"But what about Teddy? She will not forgive me if she knows I broke up with Amelia."

"You also need to talk to Teddy. With her more than anyone. I don't know what happened between you two in Germany and I don't want to know either. I don't want to know what you did to her. But talk to her, open your heart to her, tell her how you feel and ask her how she feels, talk only about you two, not about Leo, Amelia or anything else, just about you two, you two and your child."

My mother is right. She is always right.

"I don't know how I'll tell Amelia."

"She is good and smart." I nod solemnly. "But tell me, how's Teddy? How far along is she?" Her voice is cheerful and I can already tell that she is happy, probably she was holding all this time to show her enthusiasm. I can't keep my lips from smile widely at her question and her enthusiasm. But then I remember the blood clot and my smile fades a little. Although I know that Teddy is taking proper care, I can't help but worry. One more reason to want to be with her. I decide not to say anything to my mother about the blood clot, I know how much she cares about Teddy and I don't want to worry her.

"Good". I chuckle. "If my calculations are right she's around 10 or 12 weeks."

"Wow, then she's due in December. A Christmas baby! Teddy loves Christmas." She says smiling so sweetly.

Oh my God, I hadn't thought about it, it's true. _Our_ baby is due in December, Teddy loves Christmas and I love seeing her love for Christmas. See her eyes shine with the lights, see her excited to choose just the right tree and buy just the right ornaments, see her choose and wrap the gifts, light hundreds of scented apple-cinnamon candles, bake gingerbread cookies and make punch... watch her enjoy the snow. Knowing that in a few months we will live all this while we welcome our baby... I imagine sitting in front of the Christmas tree with her snuggled up in my arms, just like we did in Germany, but this time with our little boy or girl in her arms while we admire the lights and talk about everything and nothing... while outside the snow falls. A knot forms in my throat and my sigh is clouded with pooled tears.

My mother gets up from her seat and takes the place next to me, taking my cold hands between her warm ones and she looks at me with eyes full of love, mother's love.

"Despite all this messy situation I'm so happy for you, son. You are being great with Leo and I know that you'll also be an excellent father to that baby. I know I'll sound biased but I can't help it, Teddy is my girl! But I'm so happy that it's with her. Megan will be thrilled."

"Oh damn, Megan! Mom, please don't tell her anything until I've talked to Teddy."

"Count on it… and congratulations." We both smile and hug each other. Finally, my tears run down my cheeks. This was just what I needed and although I know I still have to rip a couple of band aids having spoken with my mother really cleared my mind.

 _ **TEDDY**_

The next morning when I wake up the sun shines bright and high through the large window of my room. I don't know what time it is I just know that I slept like I hadn't practically since before Owen came looking for me in the middle of the night. Yesterday after he left I spent a long time thinking. I'm so scared. I'm so scared to cause some havoc in his relationship. Scared of being pointed as the bad one in this situation. Obviously the whole hospital will be on _her_ side. I'll be the woman who came to interrupt that tranquility.

Stop thinking about it Theodora. Owen is not going to leave Amelia. You asked for it. Everything will be fine. You are doing this for and for your child, nothing more. But am I really doing this just for my child? No, the truth is I'm not. I'm also doing it for Owen. I can't help it, after all I still love him and part of my love for him is to see him happy. It's the least he deserves after all the hell he went through, hell I witness. So yes, I also do it for him. I just want to see him happy, even if his happiness is at my expense.

I rub my eyes and reach out my arm to grab my cell phone. My eyes open wide when I see the time, 12:40 pm. I slept for more than 14 hours straight! Not that I've anything to do, but it amazes me how I could sleep for so long, I think the last time I slept for so many uninterrupted hours was when I was in high school.

"You really needed a break, isn't it sweet pea?" I say out loud as I bring my hand to my belly rubbing my every day bigger bump. I'm in no hurry to go anywhere and apparently this morning my tiny human has decided not to take me running to the bathroom to vomit so I stay there in bed for a while. One arm resting over my head and my other hand on my belly drawing smooth patterns in a circle. I could do this all day long.

Despite all my fears and reservations from the previous day today I feel really good. Happy could I say? Yes, I'm happy. I feel good and I'm happy. Having told Owen about our baby made me feel good, I'll deal with the rest later but today I feel good. I even feel the like going out, to leave this place for the first time since I returned to lock myself here after that fateful day in the hospital. I shudder to remember it. No, today not Teddy, today you are happy.

After a while I get out of bed and take a long hot shower, I let the water fall on my head and my shoulders relaxing my muscles even more. I laugh when I look down and I can still see my feet, in a couple of months my toes will only be a memory. I leave the shower completely renovated.

While I put on my underwear I can notice how my bra feels a little tighter. Soon I'll have to buy new ones without a doubt. Looking for what to wear I find my camera and I remember it's been a while since the last time I recorded a video for my child. I'll do that later, I've a lot of things to tell it, for the moment I take my cell phone and stand sideways in front of the mirror taking a photo of my belly's evolution. It's growing day by day and that makes me feel so excited. So excited until I try to put on my jeans.

"What?! Are you kidding me!?" I say out loud when I notice that the zip of my jeans doesn't go up beyond half way, let alone button them. "They fit perfectly a week ago!" I try to prove other, and other, and other pair of jeans and it's the same. Until I remember that article I read about hacks to keep using your regular clothes as much as possible during pregnancy. The old hack with the hair tie. I wear a black turtleneck sweater that manages to cover my little hack perfectly. Ready to go outside.

I look in the mirror before leaving. I stand sideways and cradle my belly, it's really growing by day. I look at the coat I was thinking of wearing, but I decide not to. I know it's something childish and probably nobody will be interested to see another pregnant woman in the street, but suddenly I feel so full, so happy, so beautiful with these changes that my body is having that I want to show them to the world, I want to show the world how life is growing inside of me. So I just take my handbag and my cell phone and go outside. Me and my tiny human are starving.

After having breakfast, or rather lunch, I decide to take a walk in the park. I remember a few days ago when I arrived in Seattle as I looked at everything with different eyes, with mother's eyes. Will this be my favorite park to bring my child? It is a beautiful park, huge green areas and playgrounds, it's not hard to imagine me walking around with a stroller, sitting on a bench and maybe even making friends with other moms. Or run behind my little munchkin all over the playground. Or just walk around the park eating cotton candy or ice cream. Maybe Owen can come with us.

I walk through the park smiling from ear to ear, with one hand holding my handbag to my shoulder and the other placed gently on my belly. I take a seat on a bench under a tree and watch the children playing in the jungle gym. Shortly after my cell phone rings. Is him. As if I had called him with my mind. I read his message and my heart skips a beat...


	10. Chapter 10

**_***ENGLISH ISN'T MY LANGUAGE***_**

 ** _I don't know how to feel with this chapter so I_** ** _ ** _really_** hope you like it. Let me know what you think._**

 ** _I also invite you to read my new fic "Waiting for a friend" (Tom Koracick & Teddy friendship with some Towen fluff), you can find it in my profile._**

 ** _There I made a question that until now nobody has answered. I've been working on a new fic, an AU where Teddy doesn't say anything to Owen about the baby because of a misunderstanding and stays in Germany. So if you are interested in reading it let me know so I can continue working on it or definitely stop. (I already hace aroun 10-11k words)  
_**

 ** **If not let's pretend that I never asked this question. okay?****

 **Anyway, enjoy this chapter :)**

* * *

 ** _I thought I could be without you and I can't, my love is harder than I thought._**

 ** _For how much I need you here and for everything I want from you._**

 ** _Don't get away from me, no, my love..._**

* * *

 _I walk through the park smiling from ear to ear, with one hand holding my handbag to my shoulder and the other placed gently on my belly. I take a seat on a bench under a tree and watch the children playing in the jungle gym. Shortly after my cell phone rings. Is him. As if I had called him with my mind. I read his message and my heart skips a beat..._

I keep looking at the screen of my cell phone. It's a very simple message but after our talk and considering how things are it can lead to many interpretations.

 _-"Teddy we have to talk. I_ NEED _to see you. Please, I really need it"._

The use of capitals in the word _NEED_ makes me feel all sort of things. He _needs_ to see me; he _wants_ to see me. I don't want to let my hopes rise. I don't want to create movies in my head. _The bridges of Madison County_. Think rational Theodora. He wants to talk to you and maybe it's urgent, that's all, that's the reason for his use of capitals in _that_ word. He doesn't need you he already has someone else, he just wants to talk to you, after all you're carrying his child.

I put my phone down before answering. This was supposed to be a good day, I felt great this morning and seconds before reading his message. Breathe, It's just a message, he probably wants to talk about the baby, there's no need to make thousands of stories around something so simple. I sigh.

 _-"What do you want to talk about? I told you I'd call you when I'm ready to talk again"._

For a moment I feel that I sounded really harsh. I see ' _writing_ …' and my hands begin to sweat.

 _-"I know, but it's important. We have to really talk Teddy, without interruptions, just you and me. We are going to be parents for God's sake! We need to clear the air"._

-"Does Amelia know about this?"

There is no more ' _writing...'_ on the contrary, he goes off line. I would be lying if I say that this doesn't sink my heart. But immediately I shake the thought out of my head, probably he's busy. He'll answer soon and indeed, only a couple of minutes later the notification of his message makes the screen of my cell phone shine.

-" _No, I haven't done it yet, but I will soon. First I have to talk to you"._

-" _I don't know, Owen. I don't want misunderstandings. The best thing to do is to first talk to Amelia. Call me once you've done it"._

He keeps sending me messages but I don't read them. This is a good day. I don't want this drama now. I take my handbag and walk to the playground _Artist at Play_ crossing through the esplanade of the _Space Needle_ to take a taxi on Broad St. Then I think it better. I'm in the mood to walk, to know a little more this city I lived in for many years in the past but I didn't have time to know in depth. So I walk all the way down Broad St. and I turn left on 1st Ave. It's a walk of at least half an hour, but among so many restaurants, coffee shops, art galleries, bookstores and other endless stores that keep me distracted soon I arrive at the hotel.

As soon as I'm in my room I take off my boots and replace my jeans with comfy leggings. I place my hands on my lower back and I lean backwards stretching, then forward touching the tips of my feet with my fingers, I laugh because it's a little bit harder to reach my toes because of my growing baby bump. Then I remember that I had a plan this morning. I go and take my camera and I sit cross-legged on the bed leaning on the headboard and placing the camera in front of me.

"Hey sweet pea. I know it's been a while but Mommy's been... busy. Many things have happened; you are growing by the day by the way". I giggle while I look at my belly rubbing it gently. "I can't wait to feel your little flutters". I stop for a few seconds. "So... I've a lot of things to tell you about your daddy. He... he already knows you're on the way and he's very happy, I told you that he would love you from the beginning, but... things are not as I expected, your daddy already has another family. He's fostering a little boy, Leo, but that doesn't mean he will love you less, who knows and maybe you and Leo can be good friends, like siblings".

I'm not sure if I want to talk about the other part of the story. The part that hurts me the most. The part where Owen didn't wait for me and now he is already living happily with his new family. But I know that sooner or later my child will ask questions about why his dad isn't with us and is with another family instead. "Like I said, your daddy has a new family. Not only Leo but also has a new girlfriend, maybe when you see this she'll be his wife, her name is Amelia and... ". I breathe deeply to steady my trembling voice. "No matter what happens you should always be nice to her, after all she is the woman your daddy loves and I'm sure she'll be very nice to you too... Anyway, I just want to add that it doesn't matter that your daddy and I are not together, we love you with all our hearts and all we want is to see you happy forever. I love you my little miracle. And I can't wait to hold you in my arms".

I turn off the camera and place it on the nightstand. I lie on the bed looking at the ceiling caressing my baby bump absently, I remember again Owen's message. He hasn't said anything to Amelia and although my highest priority was that Owen knew it, I can't help but be weighed by the fact that she still doesn't know anything. I don't know how she will react. I hope she takes it the best way; after all the last thing I want is to end her relationship with Owen.

 _ **OWEN**_

It's been two weeks since I last saw Teddy and 5 days since the last time she answered any of my calls or messages. The lack of news about her is killing me, it is kicking my anxiety to the limit, not to mention that I still don't tell Amelia about the baby and she clearly suspects something is wrong with me, but I just can't bring myself to tell her what is happening and also Teddy asked me not to do it for now. Neither she nor I want to hurt another person. I don't want to add more tension to our already tense relationship. I knew that this would happen, all that magic of the first days is starting to fade and the harsh reality is beginning to break through without us being able to do anything to stop it. Betty had consumed marijuana secretly. Child services had realized that Betty is living in my house _with_ Leo, something they didn't see with good eyes and Amelia was losing control of the situation, she didn't know how to deal with a teenager and a baby. Even so, I'm trying my best to be there, to support her. As Teddy advised me the last time we talked.

" _Owen! ... Owen!_ " Amelia's husky voice brings me out of my dream moment. I shake my head slightly and look at her.

"W-What? Were you talking to me?" I answer, still distracted.

"What's happening to you, Owen?! Lately you live with your head in the clouds and I need you here. Feet on earth!" She is upset, but as much as I try I can't remember what she was telling me.

"Oh nothing, it's just work".

"Yes, I have a job too, Owen".

"But tell me... What did you say?"

She huffs heavily as she runs her hand through her hair. "We have to do something with Betty, she can't continue like this. We will also have to leave the house at least for a couple of days at least until children's services are done with the home visits, they can't know that Leo's mother is still living with him".

"I agree. What do you propose?"

"What do I propose? What _we_ propose Owen! I can't do this alone. What is the point of being together if I have to deal with all the mess?!"

I don't know what to tell her. I really appreciate Betty and I really want her to be well, especially if she's thinking on getting Leo back, but my mind can't stop thinking about Teddy, I want to know how's she doing, how's _our_ baby, I want to see her, I want to hug her. Feel her slender and warm body between my arms. I want to touch her belly again, surely it has grown in these last two weeks. God, I can't keep this secret. I'm sorry, Teddy.

"Amelia..." She is breathing deeply. "I need to tell you something".

Her expression changes and her breathing slows down; I can see the curiosity in her frown.

"What about?"

"I... I'm going to be a dad". She shakes her head slightly and looks at me squinting.

"What?!"

"Teddy... Teddy is pregnant. The baby is mine".

Silence. She turns around giving her back on me hugging herself and pacing from side to side.

"Amelia..." She raises her hand making me shut up.

"Just... let me process all this, ok?"

She keeps pacing back and forth, I can almost hear the buzz of her thoughts running fast and wild.

"Since when do you know it?" She asks me after a few seconds, her voice doesn't indicate any emotion, I don't know if he is upset, sad, in shock.

"I've known it for two weeks".

She turns to me and although she isn't crying her eyes shine with pooled tears. My heart sinks.

"And why are you telling me it until now?"

I shrug. "At first I didn't know how to tell you and then... we were having so many problems and Teddy asked me not to do it. She doesn't want to cause more problems between us".

"Does she know we're living together?"

"Yes. She came here a couple of weeks ago and Betty opened the door. She told her that you and I were asleep, then she saw us at the hospital... she put two and two together".

She nods slowly, biting the nail of her thumb.

"Amelia, this doesn't have to change things. Teddy... she doesn't want to cause problems between the two of us, she just wants my child and I to be close, nothing more. She didn't even want to tell me after she came here, she did it just for my child, she doesn't want anything with me".

She sits next to me on the sofa and looks into my eyes, her face is serene. She is not upset, I think. I can almost see the imperceptible trace of a smile on her lips.

"She's right... things don't have to change. I don't know her very well Owen, but I can say that she is being honest. But now I ask you... Do you want things to continue as they are now?" Her voice is soft and understandable. "We're talking about a baby Owen and not with any woman but with _her_ , so tell me, do you think things can continue as they are now?"

I can't answer her. I don't want to answer her. Obviously things will not be the same, this will completely change my life.

She laughs softly, but I can detect the sadness in her laughter. "When I said that she was your tumor I wasn't referring to something bad but quite the opposite. Haven't you noticed how all your actions and relationships in one way or another _always_ lead you to Teddy?"

"I was honest with you Amelia. I told you from the beginning that Teddy is a very special person to me. She has been there for me when... in many moments".

"Say it, say it without shame. She has been with you at times when I should've been. She is your tumor, Owen".

She stands up laughing humorlessly, placing her hands on her hips and looking at the ceiling. I don't know if she's doing it consciously or unconsciously, but it's her superhero pose. She's looking for strength in her coping mechanism.

"Just answer me something Owen... Do you love her?"

"Amelia... don't ask me that, please".

"Why not? If you don't love her the answer is very simple and we all can go on with our lives as before. Owen, that baby is yours, I could never hate it. I would welcome it with open arms and I want to think that this is what Teddy would want, that we all live in peace, especially for the sake of the children... now that if you love her... tell me Owen, do you love her?"

"She is very special to me, Amelia".

"I asked you if you love her... Alex is a very special person for me and I can't see him more than as a friend".

I can't bring myself to look her in the eye. I nail my eyes on the ground.

"You know? To this date there hasn't been a day when I don't ask myself why you went to Germany. I know I told you, but why did you do it? Deep down I always dreamed that you would reject the idea and you would stay with me... I... Owen, I don't know if I can do this".

"Amelia, please don't make a hasty decision".

"Are you talking to me about hasty decisions? You that after Teddy threw you out of her house you came back to foster Leo and then with me?"

"Yes, I know that many of my decisions have been hasty, but..."

"But nothing Owen". She answers me so softly that her voice gives me goosebumps, during all our conversation she hasn't raised her voice for a moment. Pre-tumor Amelia would have brought in the complete artillery, but not this one. She is being mature, she has changed. But I can't change what I feel. Yes, I have a great love for her. But I can't love her as she deserves.

"We have to talk..." I can't finish my sentence when the shrill sound of my pager interrupts us. Dammit! Why now? I huff heavily. "It's from the ICU, it's urgent, I've to go. But please Amelia, we've to keep talking about this. Please".

She only gives me the softest of smiles. "Go".

 _ **TEDDY**_

It's been two weeks since Owen was in my hotel room and five days since I last spoke or messaged with him. I would be lying if I said that this isn't driving me crazy. In one way or another I was getting used to our conversations by messages and our brief calls, but I couldn't keep it up, he had to tell Amelia what was happening, it's the best for everyone involved. We all need to be in the same page before taking a step forward. Although that will have to wait for a few more days, with all the problems they are having I don't want to add more to that.

I leave the hospital after having made an appointment with the OB-GYN. I need to resume my medical check-ups, I don't have one since I left Germany, three weeks, almost a month without medical attention. I've also met with Miranda secretly. Secretly, since none of the surgeons can find out yet that I'll be the new Interim Chief of Surgery. Another reason to clear the air between Owen, Amelia and me. If we are going to work in the same place the last thing I want is feuds between us.

On my way to the street to take a taxi my phone rings, I rush to answer it, deep down I expected it to be Owen, but it isn't him, it's an unknown number. I doubt whether answer or not. But I won't play modest, I know I'm a very solicited person, as soon as the news that I had left MedCom began to spread among the medical circle dozens of job offers began to come to me so who knows, maybe this is one more, one more that I'll reject, all for being close to Owen. No, correction, all because of my child, so he or she can be close to its father. _If you say so_. A voice inside tells me.

"Hallo?"

"Huu-uum... Am I calling to Teddy Altman?"

It's a woman's voice and it sounds extremely familiar to me.

"Who's calling?"

"I know it's you Teddy. I'm Amelia Shepherd... we have to talk".

So here we go... apparently she already knows the truth...

* * *

 **What do you think Amelía wants to talk to Teddy about?!**


	11. Chapter 11

*****ENGLISH ISN'T MY LANGUAGE*****

 **OMG, I was so hesitant of posting** **this chapter. This has been the most difficult to write since I started writing fanfics** , **I kept changing, deleting and adding things until I finally felt that it was finished, I r** **eally, really hope you like it. I spent ages writing it.**

 **Let me know what you think :)**

* * *

 _You don't have to say what you did, I already know, I found out from her._

 _Now there's just no chance with you and me, there'll never be…_

* * *

"Amelia, what a surprise. I didn't expect your call". I try to sound as neutral as possible, I don't want her to notice the tremor in my voice. I didn't expect her to call me, much less that she wanted to see me. I thought that just telling Owen was enough but I didn't think about what the other party involved had to say, not that I cared too much, it doesn't matter if Amelia agrees or not there is no turning back, I'm pregnant, Owen and I will be parents and there is no one who can do anything to change it, it's just how this fucked up situation is being played.

"Yeah, I can imagine. But really, we need to talk Teddy". Her voice is soft and I can almost notice the shadow of a plea.

"I don't know if this is a good idea, Amelia. I already talked to Owen and—"

"I know. But I need to talk to you. Please?"

I sigh. "Ok, where do we meet?"

"There's this small cafe in front of the hospital. Do you think we can meet today?"

"Okay, it's okay in an hour?"

"I'll be there".

Amelia hangs up the phone and I immediately regret my decision. I don't know what I'll talk to her about, I don't know what she wants to talk to me about. If there is someone with whom she should talk that person is Owen. God, what mess have I gotten myself into?

I try to waste my time while it's the moment to meet Amelia. As the moment gets closer I feel more anxious, I even have to say that for a moment I'm scared, I don't know _what_ I'm going to face, with _whom_ I'm going to face. I don't know Amelia. I don't know what she is capable of. I know she has changed based on the things Owen told me. I know that many of her actions were the product of her tumor, but what were 100% her and what was the tumor? Suddenly it comes to my mind that little _fight_ we had when she wasn't being supportive of Owen when Megan came back.

 _"Is it 1952? Should I put on an apron and mix him a gin and tonic?"_

When the time finally comes I head towards the cafe. My heart beats hard and my hands sweat, but even so I try to keep composure, I don't want her to notice how anxious I am. I raise a wall around me. This isn't going to affect me. Whatever Amelia has to rant this time will not affect me. I raise my guard.

I walk inside the cafe and Amelia is in a booth at the back by the window. I take a deep breath and direct myself steadily towards her.

"Amelia". I greet her and even I can notice the sharp undertone. I feel terrible because she welcomes me with a shy smile. Then she fixes her eyes on my mid-section.

"Wow, you're really pregnant". She says with a fake cheerful voice. I pull my coat closed and I sit in front of her.

"So, what did you want us to talk about?"

"Teddy, I don't want to fight. There is no need for you to be defensive. I really come in peace".

For a moment I find it hard to believe her, but I allow myself to lower my guard a little.

"I don't want to fight either. There is no need for that".

"Great! Great, great". Silence. Overwhelmingly and uncomfortable silence. I try not to make eye contact with her and instead I ask the waiter for a coffee, decaf, and he brings it in record time.

"Amelia I... I don't know what Owen told you, but there's no need to make of this this a big deal".

"It's hard not to do it, don't you think? We are talking about a baby Teddy, not a fish or a cat. It's a human being, a human being with feelings and a voice, it is and will be impossible to ignore something like that".

Damn it. She is right. "You're right, but—"

"I don't know if I can stay with Owen with something like that". She blurts and I'm shocked.

"What? Why? No Amelia you—"

"Let's not pretend Teddy". She interrupts me, but she is not angry. "I know you love Owen, I noticed it since you came to see Megan, I saw it in your eyes when we met in the elevator, you love him, don't you?"

I bite my lip. I feel so uncomfortable, I don't want to talk about my feelings for Owen _with_ her, much less now with all this mess. "Owen... Owen is a very special person to me, okay?"

She laughs humorlessly. "That's exactly what Owen told me when I asked him if he still loved you. He didn't say yes, but he didn't say no... sometimes silence is worth more than words".

"I just want the best for everyone involved Amelia. I can't force Owen to be with me, I'm not going to force him to be with me. I just want my child to be close to its father and if at the end of the day you are with Owen I want to be in good terms with you too, after all want it or not you will be part of this baby's life too".

"That's the problem, well no _problem_ , but... I love Owen, Teddy. I love him, but I also love myself, and it will be painful, you know? See him heels over head for a baby that I'll love because it is part of him, but that baby will not be part of me". She takes a few seconds to collect herself again. "I'm not a monster, and I know that the last time we met I acted a little... impulsive, but that wasn't me and inevitably I will love that baby and to know that Owen loves that baby and that he loves you... I don't know if I can handle that Teddy". She smiles at me sweetly and I can almost swear that she is making a superhuman effort not to cry and I'm making a superhuman effort not to cry with her too.

"I wouldn't be so sure about the part that Owen loves me". I say without looking at her and focusing all my attention on my hands on the table, as if they were the most interesting thing in the world, I can't look Amelia in the face. I feel ashamed, I came to change her life completely in a blink of an eye. I don't realize that I'm crying until a tear falls on my hand. Damn it. Just what I didn't want to happen is happening. I wipe my eyes immediately and although it is late and surely Amelia noticed it she pretends she didn't and instead looks out the window and for that I'm grateful. "I love Owen, Amelia. I love him and maybe I always have. But he's also the person who has hurt me most in my life, I don't know if I can trust him again or be with him". I say but she keeps looking at the street. She chuckles and turns to see me with watery eyes.

"Then you're leaving me the leftovers!" She leaves me speechless. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that, it's just that... Did you know that Owen has never told me he loves me? And maybe it was all me, I was the one who said that we were not the kind of people who said " _I love you_ ", that it wasn't necessary, although... it is necessary, you know? That giddy feel inside when the person you love takes you in his arms and looks into your eyes and tells you he loves you".

 _I am in love with you, Teddy. I realized that I love you, and how long I've loved you so I got on a plane._ I remember Owen's words, the way he looked at me when he uttered them, how I felt melting right on the spot... just words. "Funny, for me, actions count more than words".

"Teddy... I don't even know why I asked you to meet us if I already made up my mind. I just want you to tell me one last thing. Do you love him? Do you love Owen?"

"Amelia—".

"Just tell me, please. I need to know that I'm making the right decision".

"What do you mean?"

"I'll leave Owen". Before I can say more, she keeps talking. "I know Owen loves me, he loves us both, but I don't want to be in the middle of a situation like this, I don't want to live with the uncertainty of who he loves more because eventually I know that I will lose... everything always comes down to you, you are the constant in Owen's life, he always comes back to you, you are his home, you are his tumor. I _can't_ fight that; I _don't_ _want_ to fight that. So tell me, do you love him?"

I blink and two single tears run down my cheeks. "Thanks, that's what I thought. Have a nice day Teddy and—" she swallows. "Congratulations. A baby is something wonderful".

"Amelia, wait!" I take her by the arm. "Just give us time. Give us some time to figure all this out and let things go back to the way they were before".

My phone rings and Owen's name lights up on the screen. She smiles sadly.

"Things will never be like they used to be Teddy and I don't have any more time". She turns around and leaves.

I lay my forehead on the palm of my hands while my tears fall one by one on the table, on my disgusting decaf coffee making small circles with each drop. This is a disaster that has already gone out of control. Murphy's law at its finest. Everything that I feared would happen, everything I didn't want to happen is happening. What else can go wrong? What else can happen?

 _ **OWEN**_

I come home after midnight and Amelia is waiting for me sitting by the kitchen bar and for a moment I have a little _déjà vu_ of that day when I came from leaving Megan in Malibu, she was waiting patiently for me as she was waiting now.

"Hey, you're still up".

"Yes, I couldn't sleep".

"You were waiting for me?"

"You know we have a pending conversation".

There it was again; all day I had feared my return to home because I knew that Amelia would want to resume _that_ conversation.

"Amelia, we already talked about this—"

"I talked to Teddy"

"You did what?"

"I talked to her Owen, I needed it, I needed both parts of this damn messed up story in which without me wanting I'm being involved on".

"You know that between her and me there isn't and there will not be anything".

"I know there's nothing, but this is not just about her anymore. This is about us, you couldn't tell me that you love her and she couldn't tell me that she loves you, but I could see it in your eyes Owen, you love each other, you two will have a child and no matter how much you love me I can't fight against that. I don't know what the hell is this thing between you two that no matter what happens, no matter how far you always find your way to each other".

I don't know what to say to Amelia. I want to be careful with my words, but at the moment my head is so confused, I love Amelia, I really do, she has shown me her infinite kindness on more than one occasion and she has done everything on her part to make us work again in the midst of the problems we had with Betty and Leo and especially for how she took things when I told her about Teddy's pregnancy, her reaction was the opposite of what I expected.

But Teddy. She has always been there, always present, always constant, she has been the only stability in my life the only one that kept me down to earth letting me know that I was not alone but the day I lost her I lost my way, she was my compass and without her I didn't know where to go, I didn't know what to do, so I tried to fill those voids with something that made me feel more or less the same she made me feel and in my stupidity I didn't I realized that I was hurting everyone around me, as always.

"Owen. Tell me, tell me you don't think about her before going to sleep or the first thing in the morning, tell me you don't want to spend your time with her, that you don't imagine living a happy life with her and your child".

Her voice trembles with each word and her huge blue eyes shine with the tears that fill every corner threatening to fall down her cheeks at any moment.

"I... Amelia, you know what Teddy means to me, you always knew I never lied to you about that, she is my person, she is the mother of my child and I will always be there for both of them".

"I want to be your person! If you really want this to work, I want to be your person. How do you think I will feel being next to a man who is expecting a child with his person and that person is not me? I can't live with that fear Owen, with the uncertainty that at any moment you will decide not to come back home because you can't leave that beautiful baby of yours, because you don't want to be away from it for a moment or its mother".

"Amelia please..."

" _Please_ nothing, Owen! I know my value, I deserve a man who is _with_ me and _for_ me, that I don't have to share it with anyone else, that the most important thing in his life is me and nobody and nothing else, that all his love is for me... call me spoiled or selfish if you want, but after all the shit I've gone through I think I deserve it, I deserve the damn world and you are not giving it to me and you will not give it to me, you will give it to that baby… And I'll be jealous because it's the damned human nature, we can't control jealousy, and I'll be jealous of a baby. Can you believe it? Of a baby!" She can no longer keep the tears at bay, they run quickly down her cheeks and my heart flips upside down. "And I'll be jealous of _her_ , because I know she loves you, and even though you love me I know you love her too".

"I... I'm sorry Amelia, I'm sorry you feel that way, the last thing I want in the world is to hurt you".

"You're hurting me, but you also took my blindfold off... you made me realize that no matter how many times we try, we are not going to work... so... I give up Owen, we are done. Teddy told me to give you some time, but I don't have time anymore. That damn tumor made me lose time that I'll never get back and I'm not willing to spend more time trying to figure out who you love the most".

She goes to the bedroom and comes back with two suitcases.

"Here, the keys of _your_ house. Leo and Betty are at Meredith's house, tomorrow I'll take him to the daycare, there you can pick him up".

She gives me the keys to the house just as she had given me her wedding ring all these months ago, but this time there is no hug, she gives me a half smile, takes her suitcases, turns around and before closing the door she turns back to me.

"I want you to know that I don't hate you, not her, let alone the baby. God, I could never hate a baby! So feel free to go with her, really... if she takes you back. You're screwing things with her so much, Owen. You don't see all the chances life is giving you... life is a bitch, and soon it'll get tired of giving you so much".

Then she turns around and closes the door behind her gently.

Since before confessing to Amelia about the baby I feared that this would happen. Since the problems with Betty's addiction and the threats of social services with taking Leo away from me and banning me forever from being a foster parent began our relationship was fracturing more and more, but we always tried to cover those cracks with words of support and affection, until words weren't enough and our love was already so tired of trying again and again to keep on with a relationship that didn't work from the beginning.

But I didn't put much of myself, even in the midst of chaos and problems my head was far away, thinking of Teddy, our child. I didn't do anything to keep together this fragile attempt of relationship I had with Amelia and when she stepped aside everything crumbled down. She was the only one holding this. Fighting for the impossible.

So now here I am again. Alone again.

* * *

 **So, obviously this is a Towen fic, I will always be biased towards them, but I also wanted to give Amelia something "fair",**  
 **I didn't want her to step aside just like that, I wanted to give her a voice and a reason beyond that Teddy is pregnant.** **I hope I've captured it correctly because as I said at the beginning, it was very difficult to write.**

 **What else do you think is coming for this pair of parents to be?**


	12. Chapter 12

**_***ENGLISH ISN'T MY LANGUAGE***_**

* * *

 _I need to tell you that I'll be waiting in case_

 _there's a chance to come back to you,_

 _you know where I am. Oh yes my love, I'll wait for you…_

* * *

 _ **TEDDY**_

It's been a week since I talked to Amelia. I don't know if she has kept her word to leave Owen who by the way haven't stopped calling me and I haven't stopped rejecting his calls. I know I'm doing wrong, I'm acting childishly. I know that want it or not I'll have to talk to him sooner or later, especially considering that in a couple of days is the appointment for the ultrasound. Owen has to be there, it's his right and I'm not going to lie, I want him to be there. It will be the first time he will see _our_ baby and that, in the midst of all the chaos that is happening around me, makes me feel warm inside.

I know he will be excited. The fact that I don't answer his messages doesn't mean that I don't read them. Each and every day he asks me how I am and how the baby is doing. He cares for him or her, he told me, he already loves it. He already loves our child. For a time that was the biggest of my fears, that Owen rejected our baby, just thinking about it kept me awake at night, but deep down I always knew that he would be ecstatic with the news. It's Owen, he's good, and honorable, and kind... but I don't want him to claim me just because I'm carrying his child.

I sit thoughtfully on the sofa in my hotel suite, wrapped in a blanket watching the sunset. Tomorrow is the big day. All this evasion and hiding from Owen I've had for the last week has been pointless, but especially childish. Tomorrow I'll have to face him. Tomorrow will be the official announcement that, at least for a few months, I'll be his boss... and _hers_.

Suddenly I don't feel so excited anymore and I know that this is not hormones. When I accepted Mirada's _second_ offer it was when I thought that all this would end well. That Owen and I would agree to co-parent, that we would be good friends again and that despite the messy and complicated situation we would all adapt to our new routine of life, at least for the sake of the children, for them we would be civilized. But nothing turned out that way and I must say that it was something naïve from my part, from the beginning _nothing_ has gone as I expected. I thought I would arrive in Seattle and that telling Owen would be a piece of cake, I didn't count on him having a whole new family that was just missing a ridiculously beautiful lab dog and a minivan. I don't know what made me think that this time things would be different.

I take my cell phone and look and read again and again the job offer that the Charité Universitätsmedizin hospital in Berlin offered me. Head of cardio. Resources for a new clinical trial. Resources for _another_ refugee clinic. Paid maternity leave. It was another once in a lifetime opportunity, just like MedCom was. I'm seriously considering taking the offer. But I also feel ashamed at the idea of rejecting Miranda's offer _again_ , but maybe if I talk to her and explain my situation she will understand, right?

"I promised to fix all this mess and look what I did". I said while caressing my belly. I'm starting to pop out more than I expected for this stage in my pregnancy. 15 weeks. I feel it was a week ago when I found out I was pregnant, although other times, with everything that is happening I feel that it's been years. As it is now my condition is really evident and I'm loving each and every one of the changes in me.

I rub and poke my baby bump with my finger waiting to feel something, some flutter, I know it's still early especially considering it's my first pregnancy but a mom can dream, right?

"Hey there". I keep rubbing and poking while I record with my cell phone when I hear that someone knocks at the door. I frown, I didn't order room service and nobody knows I'm here except... _Owen_.

I put my phone down and I get up to open the door. I look through the peephole. Yes, it's him. My heart flutters. I breathe deeply and open the door. Without saying a word, much less saying hello or asking if he can come in, Owen stomps in and stands in the middle of the living room. That makes me angry for some reason.

"Well, you can come in". I spit quite annoyed.

"Why don't you answer the phone?! I've been calling you and texting every day all day for the last week and you haven't been able to answer _ONE_ single call or message".

He is right, he is right. He hasn't done anything to make me flee from him, but to think that he might be upset with me for talking to Amelia makes me shudder. I try to relax a bit so I don't raise my voice and we both end up screaming like we did the last time. I'm being unfair with Owen, we don't see each other since a month ago, we haven't talked for more than a week, he deserves to know how his child is, I started all this precisely because of that, but among so many problems I'm missing the point.

"I—". I let out a sharp sigh. "I'm sorry Owen I... I didn't know how to talk to you again after the disaster I caused". I answer honestly with a small and sad smile. Owen seems to understand me because his face softens and he sees me in that way that makes my knees shake.

"I know this is being difficult, Teddy. All this is my fault and you shouldn't feel guilty. But neither should you push me away, I was so worried all these days without knowing anything about you or the baby".

I take a few cautious steps towards him. "I know and I'm sorry". He smiles at me and my heart races.

"How have you been? I see that the little one is growing quickly". He tells me pointing to my bump and I can't help cradling it and smiling.

"Good, good. The blood clot has been left behind but I no longer fit in the clothes that used to fit a month ago". This makes him laugh softly. I'm about to take his hand and place it on my belly when my phone rings. It's from Germany. The job offer. "Would you excuse me for a few minutes?"

"Sure, go!"

 _ **OWEN**_

Teddy steps away to answer the call. She speaks in a fluid German and I don't understand a single word. She looks calm, serene, glowing. As if she were with someone physically she also talks with her hands, rubbing her bump absentmindedly. She is showing considerably more than the last time we meet, I don't know how she feels about the changes but they show me that she is ok and that our child is growing. It makes me want to run to hold her and to bathe her bump with kisses.

I stay looking at her closely. I wonder with whom and what she talks about, it seems important. She says goodbye and sighs.

"What" She says, looking at me puzzled.

"What?"

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Apparently without realizing it I was looking at her smiling widely like an idiot.

"Oh— I, no... nothing. It's all right?" She looks a little nervous at my question, evades my look and bites her lip. "Teddy?"

"It was from Germany, from the Charité Universitätsmedizin in Berlin".

"Oh, wow! And what did they want? If I can know".

"Owen I... I _think_ I'll go back to Germany".

What? No! She can't leave. Her answer leaves me frozen, I can't let her go, I can't lose her again, I can't lose them both. "You think?" I'm trying to keep calm, she said she _thinks_.

"The offer is amazing Owen. It is the head of cardio, in addition to resources for clinical trials and a new refugee clinic. It's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity".

"What about us?"

"Us? What are you talking about? There is no _us_ , Owen... there never was". She says with sadness in her voice and in her eyes.

"But our child. You can't take it away from me".

"And I won't, Owen. Never. But I also have a life, I've been living in this ridiculously expensive hotel suite for a month, I'm about to be a mother and I don't have a job. This opportunity is great; I was hoping that you better that anyone else would understand it. I... I left everything in Germany to come here because I thought that we could leave everything behind and start again, with our baby, be a family... but you already have one. I'm tired Owen, I'm always the one who has to change her life for you. Let's see, why don't you move to Germany? If you're so worried about being away from your child, why don't you make the change now and move to Germany?" She rants at me with such conviction and assurance that she leaves no room for claims or objections. "See? It's not that easy".

"I'll do it". I answer without thinking for a second what that means. "I'll move to Germany to be close to you and our child".

She chuckles humorlessly. "You can't do that, Owen".

"I can. And I will. Just... give me some time. Give me some time to fix my situation with Leo. He is the only thing holding me here in Seattle".

"What about Amelia?" She asks me tentatively and looking at the floor.

"I said that only Leo is keeping me here in Seattle". I don't say in words that Amelia and I are done. I know her and I know that she already feels guilty so I don't want to add more to this already tangled situation. I don't want to give her more reasons for her to push me away.

 _ **TEDDY**_

So she did it. She really ended up with Owen. Being honest it doesn't surprise me, I would've done the same thing if being in her place. I try that my face doesn't give away my emotions.

"So... you and Amelia?" I ask cautiously.

"Don't pretend, Teddy. You knew perfectly well that Amelia and I would finish".

"Oh, so now it's my fault?!" I ask offended and angry.

"I didn't say that!" He sighs. "Teddy. Please let's stop talking about Amelia and let's focus on ourselves, on our child, please? You and the baby are what matter most to me now. Nothing else".

He cares. He cares for me and the baby. Nothing else. I don't know how to take that; I don't know how to take his words anymore. Yes, I love him, but that doesn't mean that I have forgotten everything he did. That doesn't mean that now that Amelia is out of the picture and only because he cares about me I'll give in to him and we'll be a family. I don't know if one day we will be. I don't know if one day I can forgive him or trust him again. I don't want to live with the uncertainty of not knowing if he is with me for _me_ or for the baby. But once again he is right, our baby is what matters most and in him or her we should focus.

I take a few steps towards him until our bodies are barley 30 centimeters away. I can see how his body relaxes. Of having his hand on his hips he lets them fall freely to his sides and in his lips a small smile dances. "You're right. The most important thing now is the baby and in him and only him we should think".

"HIM?! You mean...?"

"What? NO! I mean, I don't know. I don't know yet". I can see the excitement in Owen's face, his eyes wide open and his smile almost reaching his ears.

"But you said—"

"I only said it randomly. I don't like to say _it_ " I look at my belly cradling it and he smiles. "Sometimes I say she or sometimes I say he".

"But we can find out soon, isn't it?" Owen's expression is like that of a little kid about to receive a candy and that only makes my insides melt.

"Yes, in fact… I wanted to tell you that in three days I have an ultrasound scheduled, if you want— "

"YES! Yes, yes, yes I'll be there!" I only smile widely.

He takes one more step towards me and our bodies are now a few centimeters away, my bump almost touching his abdomen. He looks at me sweetly. For a moment I feel uncomfortable being so close to him. Awkward. I don't know what to do. I avoid his look. My body tenses a little when his warm hand makes contact with my baby bump. Of course, all this was for the baby not for me. Sometimes I'm so naïve. It seems that I'll never learn my lesson.

 _ **OWEN**_

Here, standing in front of Teddy, with her body just centimeters from mine, with my hand on her bump where our baby grows, I feel my heart pound against my chest. Suddenly everything else ceases to exist, it's just her, me and our baby. I look her in the eyes and she avoids making eye contact with me. I want her to look me in the eyes, to realize of everything I feel.

Out of nowhere and without giving me time to react she runs to the bathroom, I follow her a few steps behind. She drops to her knees on the floor, wincing at the impact. Once in front of the toilet she vomits while holding her hair with one hand. I kneel next to her, release her hair from her hand and take it between mine as I rub her back soothingly.

"I thought this was over". She says between gags and I can't help but smile. Once there is nothing left but to vomit she sits heavily on the floor and I hand her a tissue with a shy smile.

"Have they been too bothersome? The nausea I mean".

"A little too much. Especially the first weeks. I almost got dehydrated". She stands up and rinses her mouth in the sink.

"How did you find out? About the baby". I wanted to ask her that question from the moment she told me the news. I want to know what I missed. Although thinking about the things I didn't experience with Teddy and our baby thanks to my hasty and reckless actions makes me shudder. What if she suffered? What if she was scared? What if she needed someone? I just hope that one day Teddy can forgive me.

She leaves the bathroom and sits on the bed playing with her hands. I sit next to her. "I want to know everything Teddy. I want to know when and how you found out. What happened after. Everything".

She breathes deeply. "I... I found out a few weeks after you left. At first I thought I was sick or something. I had a very bad time after you left Owen". My heart flinches with pain and regret. I knew it. "I thought it was work, stress... depression." No, not depression. I know how Teddy deals with depression. She's not the best to deal with depression. She buries in work and sometimes into drinking. "Then I started having symptoms... I thought it was just PMS but my period never came, I started having morning sickness, vomiting, dizziness... the same day I put the pieces together the doctor confirmed that I was pregnant, almost seven weeks".

"And... How did you decide to come to Seattle to tell me?"

"I wasn't going to… until I started to bleed." My heart skips a beat. "It was nothing, it was the normal bleeding of the first trimester, but I got scared, like really, really scared... that's how I decided to leave everything in Germany and come to tell you that we would be parents. Because I was scared".

"And I wasn't there." As soon as she looks into my eyes the tears slip down her cheeks and she doesn't do anything to stop them or wipe them. I take her hand in mine. "But now I am. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere Teddy, on the contrary, I'll go where you and our child go. I know that given everything that has happened you won't believe me, but I care about you. I did a lot of thinking Teddy and I know I screwed up, I did and I said things that hurt a lot of people, but knowing that I'll be a father... Teddy that, that was a reality call, I can't continue like this, I want to fix everything that I destroyed and I know that It won't be easy, but I'll try it like hell. For you and our baby I'll try like hell".

"You don't have to do anything for me, Owen." She says to me sniffing. "I just want you to be good with our child, nothing more. The rest, I can deal with that".

Yes, I know it won't be easy. It will take a long time for Teddy to trust me again. But this time I'm serious. Fatherhood hit me hard. I can't continue acting as before, if I want Teddy, our baby and I to be a family it will take a lot of time and patience, but I'm willing to wait. I've waited almost 15 years to be with Teddy, I'll wait another 15 if necessary.

"Okay". I agree with her, I don't want to push her. I kneel in front of her and place my hands on each side of her baby bump and she smiles. That's something. I place a soft kiss on the crest of her bump and then lay my forehead there. She strokes my hair, but immediately withdraws her hand. Patience Hunt, patience, give her time. I pretend I didn't notice it. I just kiss her belly again and again; I still can't believe that my baby grows in there. _Mine_. My flesh and blood. Something of mine and her. Sometimes when I think about it my mind blows. Leo will leave, of that I'm 100% sure, but this baby will be with me all its life, I will always be its dad. "Hey sweet pea. You have no idea how, how much I love you already. You are the best gift that your mommy and life have given me, I can't wait to see you, to hold you in my arms. But I'll meet you in three days, I'm so excited". A drop falls on my hand. Teddy is crying, but she is smiling.

"Sorry. I'm sorry. Hormones". She tells me wiping her tears. She is so damn beautiful.

I sit next to her on the bed again, not without giving one last kiss to her baby bump and then placing my hand there, rubbing it gently. "How do you feel?"

She chuckles. "You already asked me that".

"And I'll ask you every day, all day".

"I'm fine Owen, really." I look at her questioningly and she sighs. "Ok, do you want to know the truth? I'm swollen, my gums are swollen and they bleed when I brush my teeth. My breasts are swollen, not to mention how much they hurt. My nose bleeds at the most inopportune moments. The heartburn is killing me and I'm starting to run out of air. I'm hungry all the time. My head hurts and I get dizzy constantly. The ligaments and muscles in my lower belly are starting to hurt. Oh, and have you heard of the pregnancy brain? Well it is a thing!" She rants with a trembling voice and watery eyes. I don't know whether to laugh or what. I look at her trying to contain the smile. "And now you almost make me cry. Thank you!"

I want to hug her, but I don't know if it would be wise so I just take one of her hands and rub her back. "Cry if you want, I don't mind".

"No. If I cry I won't be able to stop for at least half an hour and now I am starving".

She makes me laugh. It's so adorable to see her lose composure. These will be very entertaining months. "Do you want to eat something? We can go down to the restaurant if you don't want to go elsewhere". She looks at me and I can see the doubt in her eyes. "Only to dinner, nothing more. We will have dinner and we will say goodbye, that's all".

"Okay". She answers me softly. "But only because your child has me starving".

I laugh again. I offer my hand to help her get up of bed, but she doesn't take it. She leaves the bedroom, I following her behind. Before leaving the suite she stops and turns to me.

"I won't leave". She tells me out of the blue. "To Germany. At least not for now. The offer is until I give birth but I will stay here until the baby is born".

I want to scream. I want to jump. But I don't want to scare her or make her feel uncomfortable so I keep my bubbling emotions and I just smile at her.

"Good."

"Okay".

I hand her coat and she takes it with a smile. Patience, Hunt. Patience.

* * *

 **This is a double update, so be sure to read chapters 12 and 13 ;)**


	13. Chapter 13

*****ENGLISH ISN'T MY LANGUAGE*****

 **Hi guys, I'm back!**

 **I've been pretty busy with college and moving out of town, I'm finally a big-city girl, yay! In addition, my computer broke among other things that I'll explain at the end and some comments about the last episode of Grey's.**

 **This is a double update so be sure to read chapter 12 and 13. If you follow this fic closely you will probably have noticed that I deleted chapter 12, I was thinking of making some modifications but in the end I didn't do anything hehehe. And btw, Krista, have you been reading my fics? Those who read Chapter 12 and have already seen episode 10 will understand it ;)**

 **Anyway. I really hope you enjoy this and let me know what you think.**

 *****I also updated my other fic. "Strong bird, wounded wings." Give it a chance and let me know what you think.**

* * *

 _Oh little ghost, you see the pain_

 _but together we can make something beautiful._

 _So take my hand and perfectly,_

 _we fill the gaps, you and me make three,_

 _I was meant for you, and you for me…_

* * *

 _ **TEDDY**_

Throughout the dinner Owen keeps asking me what is the real reason I will stay in Seattle. He doesn't buy my story that I only do this for our child, especially with the awesomeness of the Charité Universitätsmedizin's offer, but also I don't want him to think it is because of him, well, not entirely; so I just tell him he will know soon.

He even invites me to stay at his house, to move in with him, an offer that I decline as soon as he makes it. No way would I sleep or live in the same house _she_ inhabited. Or in general, I wouldn't live under the same roof as Owen. Not now. Maybe never.

The dinner is somewhat uncomfortable; we don't go further than small talk. I ask him about his mother and Megan, he about my life in Germany and we both answer with monosyllables. _Uncomfortable_. Luckily he doesn't make any advance or comment that could be misinterpreted. We have dinner, we say goodbye and he leaves. Not without first asking me to take care of myself and that next time I should answer the phone.

The next morning I wake up early and anxious. Today is _the_ big day, today is my first day as Interim Chief of Surgery at the Grays Sloan Memorial Hospital. I'm so nervous that in only 1 hour I've vomited three times. I can't find anything appropriate to wear, all my formal clothes fit tight, or at least enough to show my bump and I don't intend to go to my first day as a Chief dressed in loose knitted sweaters and jeans. I try to hide my belly as much as possible, I know there will be questions about my sudden position so I don't want to add any more questions to that.

I slip into a midnight-blue dress with 3/4 sleeves. _Tight_. It used to be a loose and straight fit, but now with my increasingly prominent belly I've managed to fill that space and it has become slim fit. I look good I've to admit, the dress fits me perfectly. I smile at my reflection. I finish putting myself together; I curl my hair, I apply makeup, I put on my nude pumps, my nude coat, I take my bag and I go to my destination. The moment has come.

I come into the hospital with a firm step although my whole being is shaking, my heels echo in the glossy floor of the entrance lobby, some people turn to see me but immediately return to their business. Doctors walking from one side to another, residents following behind. Nurses in their stations. Family members waiting patiently in the waiting lobby.

Everything is the same, but at the same time everything has changed. The same dynamic different people. Arizona isn't around the hallways with her bubbly being smiling at everyone. Callie isn't in her hungry search for broken bones to repair. Mark isn't trying to hit on a nurse while looking at Lexie from afar. April isn't running from one side of the ER to the other. _Nothing_ is the same.

I go to Miranda's office, _my_ office now, where she would be waiting for me and then go to the conference room to break the news. I knock at the door and her voice immediately tells me to come in.

"Hey, am I late?" I ask timidly closing the door behind me. Miranda smiles broadly when she sees me.

"OH MY GOD, LOOK AT YOU! Why didn't you tell me anything?"

"I don't know". I answer sheepishly shrugging slightly.

She walks towards me to give me a hug, something that makes me feel weird, Miranda is not the hugging-type woman, but even so I melt between her chubby arms enjoying the warmth and peace. I can't remember the last time someone gave me a hug. "Can I?" She asks breaking the hug and pointing to my belly.

"Sure! Go ahead". She places her two hands on my belly and smiles warmly at me.

"How far along are you?"

"15 weeks".

"I didn't realize the last time we met". I smile shyly and hope she doesn't ask me _the_ question. _Who is the father?_ I know it'll be a matter of days or even hours for the news to be out, but I don't want to talk about that just before I face Owen _and_ Amelia in a room full of people on their side.

"Congratulations".

"Thank you".

"Well, hands on action. Your speech. Do you plan to give one or...?"

"I don't know, should I?"

"Only if you want".

I bite my lip thinking about it. I definitely don't want to step in front of a crowd to give a speech that nobody wants to hear about a position that I will only have for a few months. "I would feel more comfortable doing it in the conference room, only to the surgeon's team and let the rest know through a memorandum".

"As you wish. Ready?"

"Ready". I'm not ready at all. But I'm already here. There is no turning back.

"Here, a present." She gives me a golden gift bag. Inside is a plaque for the desk and a white lab coat with my name engraved on it.

 _ **M.D., F.A.C.S. T. Altman**_

 _ **Chief of Surgery**_

"Oh Miranda, thank you. You shouldn't".

"You are the chief now, you must look like such".

"Thank you". I place the plaque on the desk and I put the coat over my dress and I look at the mirror in the office. This is real now. I'm the Chief of Surgery at the Gray Sloan Memorial Hospital. I stand upright and raise my chin. Now I'm ready.

Miranda and I walk to the conference room, a few meters before arriving and I can hear the bustle of all surgeons talking. All my extremities begin to tremble, my hands sweat and my heart beats in my throat.

As soon as Miranda and I come into the room everyone is silent. Everyone looks at me in amazement. Especially Owen, Amelia, Meredith and Pierce. They frown and seem shocked. I don't know the others and Richard, Alex and Jackson look at me with a surprised smile. I try to focus on them so as not to look at _the others_ , I wasn't expecting any especially effusive reception, this was just what I expected.

Miranda steps in front of the room and I next to her one step behind with my hands behind my back. Although inside I die of nerves I keep my head up. Miranda clears her throat.

"Ok people. As you know I'm taking a sabbatical to be Chief. Here Dr. Karev tried his best but ended up spending a year's budget in just one day. Good luck with that Altman". She says laughing and Alex's face turns crimson-red. "Anyway, I will continue with my sabbatical plans so from now on and for the next months, Dr. Altman will take the position as Chief. All of you already know her so there is no need for introductions. Dr. Altman. A few words?"

Everyone looks at me with the exception of Amelia, she hits the tip of her pen against her notebook softly, lost in her mind. Owen is serious, his face doesn't tell me anything. I don't know if he is upset or surprised. I take a step forward and stand next to Miranda. "Well, you already said almost everything. Most of you already know me and to those I don't I expect to get to know you better, this is only temporary so I hope we can all work together. Any doubt don't hesitate to come to me and... well, that's it. I'm very happy to be back, even for a few months". I lie. I'm not entirely happy, but I have no other choice.

At the end of my speech everyone claps, including Amelia, everyone but Owen. That makes my blood run cold, I'd even dare to say that it scares me. Is he upset? Not only did I come to change his life, now I've gotten here with my pregnant being, in his place of work, in his sanctuary, in his escape, I've gotten here without warning changing his life again. Even I would be furious.

After many hugs and congratulations for both the new position and my clear pregnancy all of them begin to leave one by one to go on with their days of work.

"Dr. Altman, can I have a word with you? In private". Amelia tells me and I shudder inside.

"Sure, shall we go to the office?"

"Yeah." She answers me and leaves the room looking at the floor with her hands in the pockets of her coat.

I follow behind, but Owen takes my arm. "What are you doing here?"

"What does it look like? Working".

"Why you didn't tell me anything?"

He doesn't seem upset. _Much_. More like conflicted, stressed. "Miranda asked me not to say anything. Apparently the last time everyone was behind her fighting for the position. Are you angry?" I ask in a thin voice.

"What?! No I'm not! I'm happy you're here".

"Okay". I answer with a slight grin. "Well I've to go. A lot to do".

"Can we meet for lunch?" Owen asks in a hopeful voice.

"I don't know, I've a lot of work to catch up with. But you can stop by my office anytime".

"Yes, I'll do that". Then we both fall in silence.

"Well I've to go. Goodbye Owen, I mean, see you later".

"Yeah."

For a moment while I was talking to Owen I forgot that Amelia was waiting for me in my office to talk. I don't have the slightest idea what it could be and I pray with my whole being that it is only work related. I really hope we can take things as civilly as possible. When I come in she is sitting on the sofa with her elbows on her thighs, biting the nail of her thumb.

"Doctor Shepherd."

"Hey!" My voice startles her a little and she gets up from her seat as soon as she sees me.

"What do you want to talk to me about?" She takes a folder from the table and hands it to me. I look at her questioningly. "What is this?"

"It's my resignation letter".

I'm in shock. No, no, no. How much more disaster will I cause?

"W-what? Amelia, you don't have to—"

"Oh no, no, no. It's not because of you, nor Owen or all this that is happening. Really. I was going to give it to Miranda since yesterday, but now that you're the chief, well, here it is".

I have no words to answer her. She swears it's not because of this, but I don't buy the story at all.

"Does Owen know about this?" As soon as I ask the question I slap myself internally.

"He knows. And he is happy for me. Although I don't know if it's really because I'm leaving". She says laughing ironically. "I received an offer to work in Los Angeles, with the people I used to work a few years ago and I must say that it couldn't have come at a better time".

"Amelia, I'm so sorry, so—"

"Oh, don't be. It's not your fault. I'm hurt I'm not going to deny it. But I'll be ok. I'll be back with the people who really cares about me and love me. I'll be fine".

I just look at her. I'm so embarrassed and I feel so hypocritical for some reason. Last night I felt so good in Owen's company, to see him talking to our baby, to have him there with me that I didn't think about how Amelia would be doing.

"Is there anything else you need? Any recommendation letter?"

"Oh no, just... you know, sign my resignation letter".

"Oh yes, sure".

I take the letter and look at the desk for a pen, but there is absolutely nothing. Miranda took all her things leaving the place clean to fill with mine. I search and dig in the drawers and nothing.

"Here". Amelia tells me, taking a pen out of the pocket of her coat. "You know? I don't know why but I feel that if we wouldn't have been thrown in this situation, you and I could've been good friends". Her voice and his eyes are sincere and for some strange reason I think so too. "But... that wasn't in our fate".

I smile sadly and return my attention to the resignation letter. "How are you and Owen?" She asks me and I freeze.

"W-what?"

"You and Owen, are you back together?"

I'm open-mouthed. "No! We are not... and we never will".

"Why not? You love him, he loves you, you will be parents". She tells me bluntly and casually. As if it wasn't a big deal. As if she didn't love Owen and as if Owen didn't love her too. But of course, I had forgotten, it seems that Amelia sometimes lacks a filter when talking.

"It's more complicated than that, Amelia." I respond ashamed and without looking her in the face.

"Oh yes... the whole Germany fiasco. He went because wanted, Teddy. I suggested it but in the end he was the one who made the decision, he went because he wanted. Besides, you were nothing when he and I slept together, it's water under the bridge. I didn't care that he slept with Carina Deluca days before he slept with me".

Once again I'm shocked and open-mouthed. So it hadn't just been Amelia. But somehow Amelia is right, it's not my business.

"Oh shit, you didn't know. You know what? I think I'd better go—"

"No, no, no, you're right. It's water under the bridge".

What the hell is all this? I ask myself. Why does Amelia speak to me in this way? For a moment it seems that I'm talking to Megan or Arizona. A casual chat without acids under tones. A girl talk. A chat with friends.

"Hey." She puts her hand on mine and that takes me by surprise. "You and Owen have everything to be together again. Don't waste more time. Don't wait for it to be too late. Believe me, I know what I tell you".

Suddenly Henry comes to mind. The little time we were together and all the time we lost because I was playing dating online.

"Goodbye Teddy and have a good life". Amelia takes her letter, turns around and leaves the office leaving my head in a mess.

The news of my new position, my pregnancy and _who_ is the father, as well as the departure of Amelia travel quickly. Only hours later thousands of rumors and theories run around the event. Each one more humiliating and unreal than the previous one.

 _"Dr. Shepherd was shattered"._

 _"She, the new one, threatened to ruin her medical career if she didn't leave"._

 _"That bitch fired her. Of course she wanted the path free"._

 _"She got pregnant on purpose, just to catch him. Such a slut"._

I never thought this would blow out like this. Only two days had passed but the gossip was just starting. I could hear the murmurs behind me. The nurses and doctors whispering to each other, pointing at me. Accusing me of something that wasn't my fault at all.

Their words and accusations felt like daggers digging into my back. Again I was the new girl here that no one really knew. This was being too much for me. I felt like running out of that place and never coming back. I've never felt so humiliated in all my life. I had never been the victim of such scrutiny.

 _ **OWEN**_

The news of my baby with Teddy traveled fast, that along with the Amelia's departure created a whole gossip out of proportion being Teddy the most affected. Although she tries to hide it, it is clear that she is being seriously hurt by the words of these gossiping and ruthless people.

I walk to the nurses' station when I see Teddy standing there, she had just come out of surgery and was updating her patient's chart. Beside her, shamelessly a few meters away a group of nurses whispered among themselves, throwing accusatory glances and giggling like idiots. She's aware of this, but tries to ignore it, her body language tells me that she is uncomfortable. She balances her weight from one foot to another. Bites her lower lip. Rubs and cracks her neck. I go and stand next to her.

"Hey, how are you doing?" She turns to see the nurses before answering.

"Good".

"I know you're not, Teddy. Don't listen to them, you know how they are. In a few days all this will be forgotten". I say trying to cheer her up as I place my hand on her lower back.

 _"Look, look!"_ I hear one of the nurses mutter and my blood boils. Teddy gives me one last look with watery eyes and leaves.

"OK, ENOUGH!" I shout at the nurses and they look at me in shock. "Who do you think you are to talk and create gossips about Chief Altman?! I don't want to hear one more rumor about her or I'll get you all fired and you can let this known to your colleagues".

I turn around furiously and walk through the hospital in search of Teddy. I walk the corridors but she seems to have vanished, she's not in her office, I look in on call rooms but I'm not lucky.

"Hey you, have you seen Chief Altman?!" I ask the intern with the glasses.

"I think I saw her go out the ER door to the ambulance bay a few moments ago". He answers me stuttering.

I head for the ambulance bay and see Teddy sitting on a bench with her elbows resting on her thighs and her face hidden in her hands. She's crying. I hurry towards her. I sit next to her and without thinking twice I take her in my arms and she sinks her face into my chest crying even harder. After a few minutes she calms down and I only hear sobs. I stroke her hair and her back soothingly.

She frees herself from my arms and wipes her tears with her hands. "You should go. I don't want more gossip".

"I don't give a fuck what those people say and you shouldn't care either".

"It's easy to say that when you're not the bad guy in the movie. For all those people I came here to steal you from Amelia's arms. I should've never returned. I should've never accept this job. I-I-I... I think it would be better to leave".

"What? DON'T! Teddy, you know how these things are. Wait until a new gossip comes out and they'll forget about this".

"Yes, but by then my reputation will be destroyed. I don't want my child to be born and grow up in a place where they consider me the whore home wrecker".

"The only person to blame here is me, Teddy. I was the one who put Amelia and you in this situation".

"But they don't see it that way!" She says to me with a voice so sad that my heart crumbles. She looks down, cradling her belly. "I... I don't want this environment for our baby, Owen".

"Give this a few days, please. I'm sure they won't bother you again. I'll talk to them if necessary, but please, stay".

She gives me a slight grimace of sadness and a squeeze on my thigh. She doesn't tell me if she will stay but she doesn't tell me no either. She just gets up from the bench and goes inside the hospital. The rest of the day she spends her time locked up in her office. I walk through the catwalk looking through the window trying to see what is she doing. She goes from the chair by her desk to the sofa and from the sofa to the chair by her desk. Looking at papers. Answering calls. Attending visits. Sinking into work to try to deal with the massacre.

At the end of my shift I go to her office. The light is still on, she's still there. I give a couple of soft knocks to the door and she tells me to come in.

"Hey how are you?"

"Well… I am".

"You should leave this place at least to eat something or take a break".

"I still have a lot of work to do". She tells me by avoiding my gaze going through the stack of papers and folders she has on the desk.

"Teddy, I know the drill. I was Chief too. You can take the work to home or continue tomorrow. Come, let's go for a walk".

"Don't you have anything to do?"

"No, my shift is over. Come, come with me to pick up Leo from the daycare".

She smiles at me when she hears Leo's name. I offer her my hand to follow me and this time she takes it, although she releases it again as soon as we leave the office. We arrived at the daycare and the nurse already has Leo ready to go home.

"Let me take him to the car, please". Teddy tells me with a huge smile and I can't say her no. I hand her Leo and the boy sinks his face into her neck. She inhales her baby scent and sighs.

"I love baby smell".

We walk in silence towards the parking lot. All the time she has her nose sunk into Leo's hair and him into her neck. Again, this feels good. I feel good. The normality and the domesticity of this. Teddy and I walking side by side. Leo in her arms. Our baby growing in her belly. Almost like a family. I could get used to this. Although I don't know if Teddy will be up to this. For starters, I don't know if one day she and I will be together again. Yes, she likes Leo, and apparently he likes her too, but I can't throw Teddy into raising a baby that is not hers without her consent as she deals with raising our own child.

Once in my car I take Leo from Teddy's arms and he whimpers a little reaching out his chubby arms towards Teddy and her eyes fill with tears. Hormones. I try to contain the laughter.

"Good evening, little man". Teddy says with a shaking voice and giving Leo a kiss on the head. I put him safely in his car seat and close the door leaning on it looking closely at Teddy.

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah." She tells me in a sigh. "It's just that a baby had never cried because they snatched it from my arms. That's all".

"Well, soon you'll have one that will want to be in your arms all the time". She smiles and rubs her baby bump lovingly I put my hand next to hers and this time she doesn't tense up.

"I don't keep you more. Good evening, Owen".

"Good evening, Teddy. Rest, please? For you and our baby?". She gives me small smile and nods then turns around and leaves.

I drive home all the time imagining what my life with Teddy and the babies could be like. Imagining the chaos, the laughter. Parties, Christmas. Snowfalls, Vacations.

I park on the driveway and notice that someone is waiting for me. I get out of the car, take Leo and head towards the front door. It's children's services. They are here to take Leo.

* * *

 **Ok, then, as I said at the beginning, yes I was quite busy so I couldn't update, but not only that.**

 **I've noticed that lately the level of toxicity has grown alarmingly in the fandom. It is shocking.**

 **Read people calling other people "stupid", "delusional", "pathetic", among other low adjectives, and worst of all, to wish death to another person is quite demotivating and scary. I already suffered the bulling of a part of this fandom.**

 **It's even more alarming when they take it against the actors, I shudder to think that one day Caterina or Kim will see that. Just imagine what they would think of you, their " _fans_ ".**

 **It's very easy to support Towen or Omelia without the need to attack those who don't think like you without calling them names.**

 **And this goes for all the ships.**

 **So yes, basically all this toxicity is part of the reason why I've been quite absent.**

 **The following contains spoilers from episode 10...**

 **Anyway. Some comments on episode 10...**

 **I don't know how to feel about it, I've too many mixed feelings, I'm extremely happy for Teddy and Owen because apparently they are really trying for their baby, at least to be friends and make compromises and sacrifices. For me that's the base of parenthood.**

 **They always know how to overcome the obstacles to save their friendship and this time with their baby as a motivation I feel that their friendship will be reinforced even more.**

 **If they end or not together they now share something that will join them for life. No matter how many women there are in Owen's life or men in Teddy's, they will always be part of the other's life through their child and I think that is also something wonderful.**

 **Also Teddy all worried about Owen, my God, she's already acting like an overprotective mommy bear *cries*.**

 **As for Omelia ... I don't know Rick, it looks fake. Krista, Kim, Kevin and Caterina have repeated over and over again that this will be a complicated mess.**

 **I'm afraid there's still a big storm coming and I must say that Amelia doesn't deserve that, nor Teddy,** **and I'm afraid it'll have to do with Betty and not Teddy, I just hope they keep her away from that (Betty & Leo's drama), she seems very happy with Tom.**

 **As for Teddy and Tom... I am totally and absolutely smitten with the idea of them. As Arizona once told Teddy "You need friends than aren't Owen Hunt" and if this new friend is Tom I'm totally on board.**

 **They are so similar; sassy, sharky, badass, I _love_ them... and who knows, maybe I can love them as something else if Owen continues with his cold and hot attitude with Teddy.**

 **Don't get me wrong, I'm still a hardcore Towen shipper but she deserves the world and if Owen isn't going to give it to her, thank you, next. And if he doesn't like that friendship I'll hit him in the balls, until now he has no right to question who Teddy is making friends with.**

 **The End...**

 **Let me know what you think, your reviews keep me motivated too...**


	14. Chapter 14

_*****ENGLISH ISN'T MY LANGUAGE*****_

 **Not rant today because I'm a little busy but I wanted to update the new chapter because I feel I owe it to you all. Thanks for your reviews, they mean a lot.**

 **Let me know what you think :)**

* * *

 _ **It didn't take anything else, it was enough to see it in your eyes clear as crystal,**_

 _ **you taught me to see the light when in my soul the desire to continue went out…**_

* * *

 _ **TEDDY**_

It's 6:00AM, I walk back and forth my hotel suit getting ready to go to work on time. I've mountains and mountains of paperwork to sort through. Budget to readjust, Karev spent the entire budget of a year in just a few days so I've to give very bad news to people who already counted with that money, but I'm not sorry, I've a hospital to keep up and even if it's only for a few months that doesn't mean I won't do my best. If my reputation as a woman is already ruined let my reputation as Chief and good surgeon prevails.

The only thing that motivates me to start this day is to know that today I'll have an ultrasound and that Owen will be there. For the first time we'll be together during an ultrasound. I feel everything at once. I'm so excited, happy and nervous. It has been more than a month since my last ultrasound, I've no idea if my baby is growing normally, although to tell the truth based on the size of my belly even without ultrasound I can say that she or he is growing. But I don't know anything else about other possible problems. My situation with all the alcohol I drank during the first weeks is still hanging in the air. I shudder to think about it.

I'm still looking through my clothes for something appropriate to wear. With the exception of the leggings and a pair of shirts, nothing of my old clothes fits me anymore. I need to go shopping soon.

When I finally manage to find a dress that doesn't squeeze my belly to the point of suffocation I go to the bathroom to fix my hair. I look closely at the mirror. I look exhausted. I haven't slept well since I started with this damn job and it wasn't precisely because of the work itself. Thinking about gossip and hearsays keep me awake at night. It has only been three days and I can't stand the toxicity of the environment anymore. I don't want this for my baby.

I apply a thick layer of concealer in my dark circles and foundation in the rest of my face. When I'm finally ready I take one last look in the mirror. Makeup really works wonders.

I stand sideways appreciating my bump like I do every time I'm in front of a mirror. This is the only thing I like about my appearance this morning. I'm really loving being pregnant so far, I love what my body is doing. Growing another human. It's amazing to think that I'm carrying a human being inside. As a doctor I know how all that works, but to experience it in flesh is a new level of amazement.

I take my cellphone and open the camera. "Hey sweet pea. I can't believe how much you're growing in there". I say smiling and cupping my belly with my free hand. "Today we're going to see you. Yes, _we_ , your daddy will go with me to the ultrasound for the first time. He will see you for the first time. He's so excited my little one, I wish you could see his face when he talks to you or about you. His huge blue eyes shine like diamonds and his face softens... it's so sweet. Your daddy loves you with all his heart, my love, and me too, we love you, you are a very loved baby". Just at that moment someone knocks at the door.

Without asking who it is or seeing through the peephole I know it's Owen. What turns out rare to me is that he's here so early. It's 6:45 AM. When I open the door my heart is turns upside down. He looks disheveled, probably he spent the night awake. He's wearing the same clothes he was wearing yesterday and his face looks tired. _Sad_.

"Owen, what's wrong?" I ask worried.

"Can I come in?"

"Sure!"

He comes into the suite and goes to sit on the sofa resting his forehead on the palm of his hands. I take the place next to him.

"Owen, what's going on? You're worrying me. Is it Megan? Your mom?"

"No, no. They're fine, it's—" He takes a long, deep sigh. "Children's services came to my house last night. They took Leo".

I'm blank. I don't know what to say, I can't think of anything to say. "I'm so sorry, Owen." I say, because that's all I can say. I feel bad for him, I know how much he grew attached to the little boy, he was an incredible father to him and although I only saw him two or three times it was clear that Leo was already used to Owen. I'm sad to think about the little boy, where is he now? Maybe scared because Owen isn't around.

"I knew this was temporary, Teddy. I knew it. From the beginning I knew that I was only fostering him. I made a thousand mental notes that it was almost 100% likely that he would leave, but... I'm... it hurts, Teddy. This hurts, I really got to love that baby. I imagined a life with him... with you, with our baby". My heart sinks because I also got to literally dream about that. I dreamed of Leo, Owen and our baby, the four of us cuddled watching the snow fall, Leo cooing his baby sibling to sleep, stroking its head and babbling gibberish, Owen kissing my head and caressing my arms. Everything was gone when I woke up, but the memory of that dream will always have a special place in my mind and in my heart. _Forever_.

"But what did they tell you? Why did they take him?"

"A judge gave Betty's parents full custody until she turns 18. And... on the one hand I'm happy, he's back with his family, with his mother, but it still hurts. He has left a big void in me".

"I... I don't know what to say, Owen. I'm so sorry".

"Oh no, you don't have to say anything. I just wanted to vent, I needed to talk to someone, I needed to talk to you".

"You can always talk to me, Owen".

"I know".

"If you want you can take the day off and we can re-schedule the ultraso—"

"DON'T! No way! I wouldn't miss this ultrasound for anything in the world. I'm sad Teddy, but life has to go on, I've to go on for our baby".

"Okay". I answer with a soft smile.

We fall into a silence, but this time it isn't uncomfortable. We are just sitting next to each other, watching as the sun rise and making its way through the buildings, making the bay look like a mirror reflecting the water in the ferries.

Then we both go to work. I don't stop to think that we arrived _together_ until I go through the front door with Owen next to me and all eyes are directed at us. I want to cry. I really want to burst into tears. Crying with rage because I know I don't deserve this.

"See you at 5:30PM? The appointment is at six". I tell Owen before he goes to the ER and I go to my office.

"Of course. I'm looking forward to it. And remember, they don't deserve your attention or your mental health, that will only hurt you and our baby, okay?"

I nod biting my lips to keep from crying. He gives me a squeeze on the shoulder and rubs my belly softly then he goes to start his work day and I do the same.

The day flies by. Between so much work when I realize it is already 5:00PM and I'm already hungry. I save all the work that I will take to " _home_ ", making a mental note that I've to find a real place to live, I close my office and go to the cafeteria to eat something while I wait for Owen.

This time in my way I can see as the nurses and doctors keep throwing glances at me, but as soon as they cross my eyes they evade my look. Maybe they're afraid that this bitch will fire them too. I sigh. This will end soon, this will end soon. I repeat that mantra again and again.

 _ **OWEN**_

As soon as the clock marks 5:00PM I feel as if time has stopped. Every time I look at the clock the minutes move slower, or at least I feel it that way. Half an hour, I just have to resist half an hour to get out of here and an hour to finally see _my_ baby for the first time.

I feel so giddy. This is becoming more real every day. I'm going to be a real dad. Every day I think about it, but this particular day makes me think more about it.

It was something I always dreamed of but I never imagined it would be possible. It wasn't until Leo came when I finally began to see my dream materialized. With each year that passed my dream of being a father biologically was dwindling more and more, especially after my break with Cristina, then Emma, then Amelia... then Teddy.

 _Ironic_. It is _her_ , of all the women in my life. The most special and constant. With whom I went through a war. Who knows about my darkest and deepest fears. My person... she will be the one giving me the greatest gift.

She, the mother of my child.

I don't wait for it to be 5:30PM, by 5:20PM I'm already off my scrubs, I take my stuff and I go to look for Teddy.

She is in the cafeteria devouring a sandwich and french fries while reading a maternity magazine. She doesn't swallow a mouthful when she is already putting more food in her mouth. I can't help but laugh, Teddy isn't a big eater, I've only seen her eat this way a few times, every time we came back to the States from our tour and my mom received us with a banquet. Those were the only times I had seen her eat this way, as if the world was going to end, as if the food was going to end.

"Food won't go anywhere". I joke with her as I take a seat and steal a fist of fries from her plate.

"Well, certainly it'll go to your stomach. Stop it!" She gives me a slap in the arm playfully. "Your child wants french fries, stop stealing them".

"Don't worry, I'll go buy more fries for the little nugget".

"No, there's no time. We have to leave now if we want to be punctual. Let's go".

She gets up from the chair and I look at her puzzled. "Go? Where? I thought the appointment was here".

"Oh no. The more I can keep my private life away from this hospital the better".

"Teddy, please. This will vanish soon".

"Maybe. But I prefer it that way. You should've seen how the nurses looked at me today. They seemed terrified of me".

"Well, that's something."

"What?! No, Owen! I don't want them to be afraid of me. I want their respect, their friendship. I used to be a friend of the nurses".

"I know and it'll be like that again. Trust me".

She gives me a half smile and we both leave the hospital.

The OB-GYN office is a few minutes from the hospital. The office building is quite luxurious and modern. When we arrive to the waiting lounge only a couple and a woman are waiting for their turn. Teddy and I take a seat in a soft and fluffy sofa.

"Oooh god, I could stay here forever". Teddy says moaning softly making herself comfortable in the sofa making me laugh. Personally, I'm not a fan of fluffy seats, it's a matter of minutes before my back starts to hurt but still I sit comfortable next to her.

We both wait to be called while chatting casually. I rub her baby bump, she smiles, we keep talking until Teddy stops dead in her tracks.

"Something happens?"

"Owen, I... I need to tell you something very important".

"You're scaring me". I answer, frowning.

"I... I don't know how to say this, but... there's a chance that something could go wrong with the baby".

Every drop of blood in my body freezes. "W-what? Why?"

"I drank Owen. A lot. I lived completely hammered for weeks after you left. I drank until the day I found out I was pregnant so—" Her voice starts to shake and she quickly wipes away a tear. "There're chances that—"

I take her by both hands forcing her to look me in the eyes. I'm also terrified that something might happen. I feel terribly guilty because she sank into drinking after what I did to her. But she needs reassurance, and that's the least I can give her right now.

"We'll cross that bridge when it's time, okay?"

She nods energetically and gives me a hug. For a moment it takes me by surprise, but I immediately receive it with pleasure and I sink my nose into her hair. "Everything will be fine". I whisper rubbing her back soothingly.

When the assistant finally calls us I help her out of the sofa and we both smile nervously. I give her a squeeze in the hand.

I can't help asking hundreds of questions to the doctor and she answers each and every one with kindness. Questions related to Teddy and the baby. I want to know her blood pressure record, weight gain, if there is a risk of her suffering from preeclampsia. I want to know how the baby has been growing. I want to know _everything_.

I was afraid that Teddy might get annoyed, but she just smiles every time I ask the doctor a new question. "You'll be a hell of an overprotective father".

"You can be sure of that." I say and she giggles.

Then comes _the_ moment.

Teddy lays on the bed and I stand next to her. This time she offers me her hand and I take it without a second thought. We are shaking.

The doctor places a squeeze of blue gel on her belly and she grips my hand tighter. With my free hand I stroke her hair to calm her down. I can feel her pulse in my fingertips. Her heart beats fast as does mine.

As soon as the first pictures of the baby appear on the screen I let out a choked sigh. He or she is perfect. Perfect little head. Perfect button nose. Perfect little arms and legs. _Perfect_.

Now I'm not just shaking, I'm crying too. Crying of happiness. My day had started like hell, but this made up for that bitter moment a million times if not more.

"OH LOOK AT IT, IT'S WAVING!" Teddy gives an excited shriek like a little girl. The baby is moving its tiny arm up and down. "I can't feel it yet". She adds with disappointed undertone.

"You will feel it very soon". The doctor answers smiling at the both of us.

This was a festival of smiles and cries that only got more out of control when the doctor turned on the volume.

 _The heartbeat._

I lost it completely. I retreat to a corner and cover my face with my hands, crying my eyes out. This is too much to be able to process it in just a few seconds.

"Owen?" Teddy's voice sounds concerned.

"I'm fine... I'm..." I answer trying to calm my crying. I take a deep, deep breath and come back to stand next to Teddy. She is also crying.

"This is so beautiful". I mumble.

"I can say that I've never seen a father get excited that way in my entire career". The doctor tells me smiling.

"It's what I always dreamed".

"About the observation that my previous OB made about the alcohol—" Teddy turns to see me and I give her a reassurance grip in her hand. "Do you see any problem? Is the baby okay?"

"Your baby is in perfect condition, Teddy. Perfect measures, perfect weight, perfect heart rate, fluids. Everything is in order for your little one of 15 weeks".

I ruffle her hair a little and she giggles. "Can we know the sex?" I ask.

"We can, but it's not 100% accurate. I always recommend to parents to wait until week 18 or 20 for a more accurate response".

"We can know in the next appointment." Teddy tells me.

I remain silent the rest of the examination. Letting my tears roll freely down my cheeks, holding Teddy's hand and smiling so widely that my cheeks begin to ache.

When the ultrasound ends the doctor gives us a couple of printed copies and I look at them as if wanting to tattoo them in my memory. No doubt this will go framed to my bedside table.

Teddy and I leave the office really excited. Then we both go to the ice cream shop across the street to celebrate with a ridiculously big ice cream. As with the sandwich and french fries, Teddy devours it mercilessly. Stealing even the waffle cookies from my ice cream.

"Owen".

"Yeah?" I mumble while still seeing the ultrasound picture.

"Are you happy?"

I smile sweetly and don't think more than a second my answer. "I'm immensely happy".

"Owen, I want to tell you something".

"You're trying to kill me today, isn't it?" I say chuckling softly.

"None of that. It isn't bad. Quite the opposite".

"Shoot".

"Ok first, would you accompany me tomorrow to look for an apartment? Since I'll stay here a hotel isn't the best place to raise a baby, don't you think?"

I can't ignore the fact that she said " _since I'll stay_ " and " _raise a baby_ ". Could it be that she isn't thinking about going back to Germany after the baby is born anymore?

"I agree with you. A ridiculously expensive and luxurious hotel suite is the worst place to raise a baby". This makes her laugh loudly, shaking her whole body and throwing her head back.

"So? You come with me?"

"Absolutely".

"All right. And the other thing is...". Her expression becomes more serious. "Owen, all this that's happening in the hospital with the staff and the gossip... that... that is really draining me, emotionally and psychically. The toxicity of that environment makes me want to run out of there every 10 minutes. I don't want that for our baby, and I say it in every way. I... I don't want fights between us Owen, I don't want tensions, I don't want toxicity". She is trying really hard to contain the crying. "We're going to have a baby and he or she will need us both. And with everything that's going on in the hospital... you were my best friend, and I miss that best friend now. I miss my best friend".

"I miss my best friend too". I answer solemnly.

"I don't know what fate will bring us. I don't know if the relationship between us will be as it was before, but... I need my friend. I want us to be friends again Owen. For our baby?"

I take her hand. "We will be friends again, for our baby and for us".

She hugs me by the neck while she cries softly and I just rub her back.

We are friends now. We have become friends again. I didn't expect to have this progress so soon, I'm elated.

One step at a time. Patience. Little by little I'll get there. To her.


	15. Chapter 15

*****ENGLISH ISN'T MY LANGUAGE*****

* * *

 ** _We talk and then you walk away every day._**

 ** _You don't think twice 'bout me and maybe you're right to doubt me,_**

 ** _but if you give me just one night, you're gonna see me in a new light._**

 ** _Yeah, if you give me just one night…_**

* * *

 _ **OWEN**_

The following days pass in a whirlwind of work, surgeries, visits to apartments and shopping for Teddy.

The day after the ultrasound I accompany her to buy clothes, maternity clothes. I never would've thought that it would be exciting, exciting _and_ complicated. Teddy was looking for maternity clothes that didn't look like maternity clothes and she wasn't having much luck with that.

"Ewww, that shirt is hideous! Not even my grandma would wear it". Says Teddy making a face of disgust while holding a shirt that to tell the truth, I don't like it either.

"That's not pretty, but what about the dresses? Those are beautiful".

"Since when do you know so much about women's fashion?" I just shrug. "Well, you're right, the dresses are beautiful. But the rest of the clothes are horrible".

"Here, try this". I give her a floral sleeveless maxi-dress with V neck.

She looks at me pursing her lips doubting a little about my choice, but after a few seconds contemplating the dress she takes it and goes to the dressing room.

"That dress is from our top sales. Your wife will look amazing". The saleswoman tells me with a smile and I can't help but smile back. _My wife_.

"She will". I answer with pride.

"It's so rare to have a man accompanying his wife to do maternity shopping, normally they come with their girlfriends. It's good to have the husband's point of view, especially for our future moms and their rollercoaster of emotions".

I just chuckle. Minutes later Teddy comes out of the dressing room and my heart stops. She looks stunning.

"How do I look?" She asks shyly and I look at her with my mouth open. "Owen! How do I look?"

"That—that... that's, you look amazing!" I answer stuttering like stupid and she smiles broadly.

"Really? Don't I look too fat?"

"You look perfect".

"Okay. I'll take it".

We spend the next couple of days visiting apartments. After having visited almost 6 apartments in two days, Teddy finally decided on a beautiful apartment on a high floor very close to my house. The place is perfect and she loves it and that's what matters. I offer her again to move to my house but again she refuses outright and I don't blame her. It was a stupid suggestion since the first time I made it. A few weeks ago Amelia, Betty and Leo lived there. There was no way that Teddy would feel comfortable and welcomed in the same place.

The next days we spend them walking the shopping centers. Rushing from store to store after finishing our shifts, looking for furniture for the apartment and everything necessary for Teddy to make her new place a home. One way or another I'm also excited. Before deciding whether to buy something or not Teddy asks me my opinion.

"I don't know, if you like it. It's your place".

"Yes but you'll spend time there too. Your son will grow up there, come on, choose for him".

"I choose that sofa for her". I say pointing to a chaise longue, it's beautiful, I can imagine it placed by the window. Just like in Germany.

"But it doesn't match with my Chester sofas". She complains.

"Of course they match. Look at the capitone".

She huffs. "Well, you're right."

"I am". She hits her shoulder with mine smiling.

She's starting to relax more in my presence. It's no longer uncomfortable every time we see each other. We are friends again. Although we still have our awkward moments, with the exception of the times I stroke her bump or light taps on the shoulder the physical contact we used to have hasn't returned, but at least she doesn't push me away anymore.

"Miss. I'll take this one too". Teddy informs the saleswoman who follows us behind ecstatic for all the commission she will receive for this great sale of the day.

"Well, you already have the furniture for the living room, the dining room, the bedroom. Anything else you need?" I put my arm around her shoulders and she slowly steps aside and pretends nothing happened. Bad move.

"Cushions. I want a lot of cushions. And blankets, I want a blanket for each sofa. I want lamps and centerpieces and carpets".

"Well, let's go find them then".

"But not here. I saw everything and I don't like anything".

"Ok, as you wish".

"Aren't you tired? To follow me up and down doing all these shopping". She asks me, frowning and biting her lip.

"Of course not! This is a very heavy task; you were going to need help anyway".

"I'm doing home shopping, Owen, not climbing Mount Everest".

"And what about all these bags?" I ask mockingly pointing to the at least 10 bags on the floor with items for the bathroom, kitchen, decorations, etc. Which _I_ am carrying them _all_.

"Sorry. Let me help you". She bents down to take some bags and I stop her immediately.

"No, no, no. It's fine, I'm fine. You just... keep shopping, I'll carry the bags".

"Just let me carry some, the lightest ones".

"I said no". She gives me a challenging look and so do I. It's what we always do. Look at each other defiantly until one gives in. This time I'm not going to.

"All right! Take them all! But you're going to have to buy me a pretzel and a milkshake to compensate for my empty hands". She tells me pretending to be upset and pointing at me with her index finger. I can't handle how adorable she can be sometimes.

"I'll buy you all the pretzels you want. Now come on, we've only a couple of hours left before the stores close".

I take the bags and before I can take the last one she rushes to take it and looks at me with a triumphant smile. I shake my head returning the smile. She is impossible.

We walk through the mall buying some more things. Teddy walks next to me eating her pretzel stuffed with mozzarella and her cookies and cream milkshake. I must say that the combination of sweet and salty seems cringy to me but she seems to enjoy it as if it were the most delicious thing in the world.

A week later, taking advantage of the fact that it is our day off, I help Teddy settle in all the things that the stores sent. It is an exhausting task considering that practically I'm doing everything, Teddy only points out where everything will go. Not that I'm complaining, no way I would let her lift and drag sofas and cabinets, however, by 7:00 PM, when finally everything is settled up, I'm completely exhausted. Exhausted but happy because I spent all day with Teddy, we talked a lot, trivialities, but it was enjoyable. I would've liked to talk about other things with her, but that would come with time, when she finally opens up to me again.

"Dammit! I'm dead". I huff letting myself fall in the sofa.

"Hey, you stink! Get up from my new sofa!" Teddy tells me throwing a small cushion that I catch in the air and then she gives me a beer and sits next to me. "Now it feels like home". She tells me with a soft voice.

"It looks like home".

"Soon we'll have to go buy things for the baby".

I sigh and let my head fall on the backrest. "Can we leave it for... I don't know, in 3 months?"

She laughs. "Yeah, since you already have a nursery in your house".

I can't help notice the fact that she mentioned my house and more specifically the nursery _in_ my house. I was so caught up in helping Teddy decorate her place that I forgot it wasn't _my_ place. _Our_ place. I had mine and now she had hers. Our child would have two bedrooms in two different homes. That saddened me, I don't want to think that I'll have to spend days away from my baby. I want to be there _all_ the time, in the next door, a corridor away.

"Owen, are you ok?"

"What?"

"Are you ok? You went away".

"Oh, it's nothing, I'm just tired".

"Stay for dinner". She tells me putting her hand on my shoulder.

"Sure. I'm starving".

"Me too. But I don't want to cook". She says, grimacing.

"Then you want me to cook?"

She gives me a wide smile and I look at her frowning then she bursts into laughter. "You should've seen your face! I'm kidding! Let's order something. What do you crave? You choose".

I think about it for a few seconds. "Hmmm... cheeseburgers".

"And milkshakes". She adds, smiling.

"No, and beer".

"Beer for you, milkshake for me".

"Deal!" I answer and we shake hands chuckling.

We order dinner and as soon as the food arrives we both sit down to eat on the floor of the living room. We talk all the time about the baby. Teddy makes fun of me because I downloaded a pregnancy app that tells me what size the baby is week to week, as well as what happens with the baby and her and their bodies.

"You're kidding, aren't you?"

"I'm not! Our baby is the size of an avocado". She laughs loudly, but takes her cell phone and downloads the same app.

"See? Also she or he can hear our voice". I say pointing to the screen of her cellphone. "Not very well, but according to the app we should start talking to it, so he or she will begin to recognize our voices".

Her face softens and she smiles biting her lower lip. I know she does it because she doesn't want to cry. During the last days I made her cry more times than I can count. Unintentionally. She just cries about the weirdest things.

"Do you want to try?" She asks, bringing her hand to her baby bump.

I lean towards her placing my face inches from her belly and start talking to the baby, like the last time I did and as I predicted this made her cry.

I take her face in my hands and clean her tears with my thumbs.

Her eyes are red but the green of her irises shine like huge emeralds.

I can't hold back. Everything happens so fast. I barely brush her lips with mine when she jolts away from me.

"Don't be stupid, Owen". She tells me in a sigh.

"Teddy... just, please—"

"We agreed to be friends! Why are you doing this?!"

"I... I won't apologize for that. I love you, Teddy. I want to be with you, I want a family with you, I want us to raise our child together, in _one_ home. I love you".

She gets up and starts pacing in front of me. My heart beats in my ears, it's almost deafening. "Teddy?"

"I can't, Owen". She answers me sadly. "Please just go".

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. I rushed things. Again. I pushed her. All the progress we made in the last days collapsed with overwhelming force and now I don't know if she'll be willing to give me another chance.

She turns her back on me hugging herself looking out the window. Waiting for me to leave.

"I'm sorry if I made you feel bad or uncomfortable. I'm sorry about that. But I won't apologize for loving you. Never".

She turns to me with hard look. "Do you really expect me to believe you? I'm not the same fool that opened the door in Germany, Owen".

"Teddy, please, let's talk—"

"I don't want to talk now, just leave me alone please".

I take my jacket and leave. I don't want to add more to this. I don't want to fight with her.

I feel like a fool. I can't help but hit the wall with the palm of my hand. Again the story is repeating itself. I screwed up and now I've to live with the uncertainty of not knowing if one day we can fix things between us. Maybe we really aren't meant to be. But I won't go down without trying to find out at least one more time.

* * *

 **What do you think?**

 **Do you think Owen shouldn't have done that?**

 **Do you think Teddy is overreacting?**

 **What do you think will happen now?**

 **Let me know, your comments make me want to continue writing and updating :) XO**


	16. Chapter 16

**_***ENGLISH ISN'T MY LANGUAGE***_**

* * *

 ** _You've gone quiet, you don't call, and nothing's funny anymore. And I'll keep trying to help you heal, I saw you crying and dry your tears. Ooh, I don't want this to break you. Ooh, but I've got no one else to talk to…_**

* * *

 _ **TEDDY**_

It's been a week since I kicked Owen out of my house. Again I didn't give him time or the opportunity to speak. But I didn't want to hear him. I didn't want to hear his fake words again. I didn't want to get hurt again.

 _You rather burn it all to the ground than risk being hurt_.

Yes, I prefer to burn it all to the ground than risk that my heart, which was just beginning to heal, be hurt again. This time it won't only be me, so will my child.

Although Owen has shown me more than once that the last thing he would do is hurt our child. He loves it, that's for sure. It's the only thing I'm sure of. Owen loves this baby with the same intensity with which I love it, but that's all. He loves the baby, and the idea of a family with me _and_ the baby. He doesn't love _me_.

 _You are blowing this way out of proportion_.

No, I'm not. I'm not blowing this out of proportion. I repeat myself again and again. Because I'm not, isn't it?

Because avoiding Owen and even being so pathetic that I completely changed his schedule to see him as little as possible at least for most of the day is not blowing things out of proportion, isn't it?

I'm being so pathetic. But I can't risk getting hurt again. I can't trust Owen so easily again. A few words and smiles, an almost kiss and a " _confession of love_ " won't make me forget all those tears I shed. That won't make me forget that only days after coming back from Germany he had already forgotten everything and had a whole family. My heart wouldn't forget it so easily.

All this attitude of evasion soon charged me the bill. Owen wasn't happy. I completely altered his surgery schedule, the patients were furious with him and he therefore with me until he couldn't contain himself anymore and came screaming into my office.

"Get over yourself! What kind of Chief do you expect to be if you can't separate our personal problems from the professionals'? I'm losing patients and therefore the hospital is losing them all because of your stupid tantrum".

Owen was furious. I had never seen him so angry in my entire life. He made me shudder.

He walked towards me slapping his hands against my desk and looking at me with his face red in anger. "I want my schedule as it was for tomorrow if you don't want me to report you to the board". He spat between clenched teeth and then left my office closing the door with a loud bang.

I fell apart. Owen had never spoken to me like this, not even when we were upset after everything that happened with Henry. _Never_.

I cover my mouth with my hands and burst into tears. He was right, our problems didn't have to affect our work relationship. It was what I least wanted and what I ended up doing. Again destroying everything in my path. Again destroying others' lives.

 _ **OWEN**_

I leave Teddy's office panting. I'm so, so angry. I hold onto the railing of the catwalk to calm myself. I'm not even upset with her. Yes, I'm angry because she changed my schedule, it was a lie that I had lost patients, they only got a little upset but in the end they agreed to re-schedule their surgeries.

I am angry. Angry with him. With Tom Koracick. It was an accumulation of anger. Me, screwing all my progress with Teddy, she throwing me out of her house, evading me and changing my schedule and my shifts; my patients and their relatives shouting at me and the cherry on the top was watching Teddy and Tom hanging out in their spare time. That was what completely broke down my already irritated state of mind.

I look at the window of Teddy's office; her chair is turning its back on me so I don't see what she's doing. Suddenly she gets up and leaves her office. I walk back trying to reach her to apologize for having talked to her the way I did, but when I find her she is hugging Tom, crying.

I go between guilt and anger. I want to tear his arms off of Teddy's body. I swallow my guilt and my anger and I leave the place.

The rest of the night is hell, I can't concentrate, I make mistake after mistake. My head is anywhere but where it should be, I can't wait for the clock to read 12:00 AM to get out of this place and cross the street to Joe's bar to empty a bottle or two of Scotch.

When it's finally time to leave I head to the attending's lounge to change my clothes when my phone rings. It is an e-mail. My new one, or rather my previous surgery and shifts schedule. Then a message.

 _"Sorry. T."_

I grab my stuff and rush to Teddy's office. I want to apologize too. I want to hug her and apologize. I open the door panting but everything is dark, she is gone. After me, the cleaning man arrives with his car with brooms, mops and buckets to clean the office.

"Hey Doc! Looking for the chief? She left a few minutes ago with that new doc".

I slam the door and head to Joe's bar.

 _ **TEDDY**_

I don't know what time it is. My room is still pitch black but a loud knock on the door has managed to wake me up. I don't know if I'm dreaming since I can't hear anything else. I try to go back to sleep when I hear it again.

It's a loud bang. I could say that the bang of a fist against the door of my apartment. For a moment my blood freezes. I have no idea who it could be. I look at the clock on my bedside table. 3:30 AM.

I don't know what to do. I'm scared. The bangs keep coming more and more insistent. Finally, I get out of bed, take my robe and go barefoot to see who knocks on the door.

Without turning on any light and as quiet as possible I carefully approach the door. Again a loud blow and I give a little jump backwards.

My heart beats super fast. I'm scared for me, for my baby. I hug my belly as if to protect my baby from whoever is on the other side of the door. I pick up the phone, ready to dial 911.

I approach the door again and look through the peephole. I don't know whether to feel angry or feel relieved.

It's Owen.

He is holding himself to the wall with one hand while the other knocks on my door. Is he drunk?

I put the phone back in its base and stand behind the door. I don't know whether to open or wait for him to leave.

I can hear him muttering a few things, but I can't understand what he says. He is definitely completely hammered.

"TEEEEEEEDDY!" He bangs on the door again, but this time he screams my name. I keep debating whether to open the door or not. I don't want to deal with drunken Owen, but I don't want to leave him in that state on the street either. The neighbors can call the police. "Please open the door". This time he doesn't scream and I can almost swear he says it with his face pressed to the door. "I know you're there".

God help me. I open the door.

We both stand looking at each other. My face is hard and his is soft.

"Teddy." He sighs.

"What do you want, Owen?"

Without saying a word, he stumbles towards me wrapping me in his arms. He leans all his weight against me, he is too heavy, I don't know if I can keep us both standing. As I can, I guide us to the sofa and I drop him there. I go to close the door and return to him, standing next to him with my hands on my waist.

He is crying and my heart sinks, but at the same time I remember being strong. He covers his face with his arm and cries. I knelt on the floor next to him and let him vent. Minutes later he calms down and sits on the couch.

"What are you doing, Owen?" I ask him softly putting my hand on his knee. He struggles to keep his eyes open so I don't know if he is aware of what he is doing.

"I'm screwing everything. I screwed everything". He says, dragging the words. "I'm screwing my career, I screwed our friendship... I screwed you".

"You should sleep Owen, we'll talk tomorrow".

I get up and go to the room to bring some blankets and pillows for him. When I return he has in his hand a picture of us taken years ago in Iraq. We are both smiling and he hugs me from behind with his jaw on my shoulder. He also has the ultrasound picture. Both pictures are wrinkled and with lines that show that they've been folded more than once. He cries as he sees them and runs his index finger through them both. I can't contain myself anymore. I leave the blankets and pillows on the sofa and sit next to him rubbing his back. Crying with him.

"We won that day". I tell him taking the picture of his hands remembering how that day was one of those rare days when we didn't have much work and the weather allowed us to play a soccer game. We beat the opposing team 8-1. I jumped on his back as usual and he twirled me in the air like every time we scored a goal. Then Daniel came with an instant photo camera. Without warning Owen hugged me by the waist from behind and we both smiled at Dan who didn't stop laughing while taking pictures of us, some of which I still have in my box of special things.

"We won this day too". He adds handing me the ultrasound picture and then placing his hand on my baby bump and rubbing it gently.

"Sleep Owen, we'll talk tomorrow". I tell him while I stroke his hair wet with sweat. He hugs me by the waist and rests his head on my chest.

"Sleep with me".

"Sleep". I get up from the sofa and he takes me by the wrist.

"Teddy... I love you, and I'll show you, even if it costs my life".

I release my hand from his grip, leave the photographs on the coffee table and give him the blankets and pillows, without saying a word I go to my bedroom to try to sleep.

I can't sleep at all, I toss and turn in bed trying to do it but my emotions are a whirlwind. I'm upset because Owen came drunk to my house in the middle of the night banging on my door. I'm sad because I know he is sad and although it costs me to accept it I love him and it hurts me to see him suffer. I'm anxious, knowing that Owen sleeps in my living room just a few steps away from me causes all kinds of feelings inside. I'm confused, Owen said again that he loves me. I want to believe him, I want to believe him so much, but my fears stop me. I'm tired of crying, I'm tired of suffering for love.

When I finally manage to fall asleep is almost 7:00 AM, luckily it's my day off and Owen's too.

Hours later, when I wake up the sun shines high on the other side of the window. I get up on my elbow and look at the clock, it's almost noon. I try to pay attention to some noise that tells me that Owen is still outside but I can't hear anything.

I open the door of my bedroom slowly and I tiptoe down the corridor to the living room, Owen is still there, wrapped in blankets and his face buried in the pillow. I let him sleep. I go to the kitchen, turn on the coffee maker, take out eggs and bacon from the refrigerator and squeeze some oranges to make juice.

When the breakfast is finally ready I pour two cups of coffee and wake Owen up. It's already past noon.

"Owen. Owen wake up". I shake him slightly from his shoulder and he wakes up with a little start.

"What? Teddy? What am I—"

"You don't remember anything from last night". I say more for myself. Apparently he doesn't remember anything, he doesn't remember saying he loved me. "Take it, drink it. Then you can go". I say giving him the cup of coffee and I can't help but sound acid.

Why do I bother? Why does it bother me that he doesn't remember saying he loves me if I don't plan to have anything with him?

I take my cup of coffee and sit cross-legged on the sofa in front of him taking small sips, he takes his cup and inhales the steam from the coffee. "This… this isn't decaff". Besides me, only he could know that it isn't decaff just by smelling it.

"Of course it isn't. I'm allowed only one cup of coffee a day. Do you think I'm going to waste it with decaff?"

He chuckles and takes the cup with both hands taking a long drink of the delicious liquid. Then he looks at me with that damn look of his that makes everything inside of me flutter. I bring my robe closer and sink into the sofa.

"I remember everything that happened last night. From your message, until you told me good night".

Damn, the message. I sent it in a moment of vulnerability. Yes, I owed Owen an apology for changing his shifts and his schedule that way, but that apology wasn't what I had in mind. In any case, what is done is done.

I look at the coffee cup in my hands, unable to look him in the eye. I want to believe him, but I can't. I need to believe him, but I shouldn't.

"Teddy I... I don't even know how to start saying all this because I know you won't believe me, but I'll still try. You told me you were not the same as that night in Germany... well, I'm not the same either. I'm not even the same of that day in the elevator. All this hit me hard. Now I have my priorities clear, Teddy. I'm clear about what I feel and what I want. I love you and I love you beyond the baby. I screwed it, bad, but I want to fix it. Just let me do it".

I take a deep breath to stabilize my voice. I forbid myself to cry. "I don't believe you, Owen. I want to do it, but I can't. Do you have any idea what I felt when Betty opened the door that day telling me that you and Amelia were asleep? Or when hours later I saw you two happily leave the elevator with Leo? I felt like trash. Like a toy that only served you a purpose and that you forgot when it was no longer entertaining. All that while carrying your child and dealing with a blood clot. Tell me, how do you expect me to believe you now?"

"And I am so, so sorry that you felt like that. I will never forgive myself, trust me. But give me the chance, Teddy, please. The last one".

I smile sadly at him. "You don't love me, Owen. You love how much I love you". There, I said it, I told him. I love him. But I can't give in.

He gets up from the sofa pacing from one side to the other, running his fingers through his hair in frustration.

"Owen, I don't know if one day I will believe in you again. But I do know that I don't want us to continue treating us as if we were strangers. This week has been very difficult for me, I don't want to fight with you anymore, I mean it, for real this time".

He goes and kneels in front of me. "I don't want to do it either. I will accept each and every one of the conditions that you put to me".

"That does not mean we'll be together Owen".

"I know that now you don't believe me and that it will take time. But I'll try like hell".

"Just... just let's be friends please. I don't want more drama I don't want more complications. I just want my friend back".

He agrees resigned. "Okay".

"Do you want to stay for breakfast? I made eggs with bacon, your favorite".

He smiles at me and gives me his hand to help me get up from the sofa. My armor is falling apart at the same time I try to keep it in place. It is a war. Some pieces fall while I hold others and I wonder again and again, should I believe in him again?


	17. Chapter 17

*****English isn't my language*****

 **Wow, double update today (I updated my other story "Strong bird, wounded wings", check it, don't let it flop)**

 **I hope you enjoy...**

* * *

 _ **Who would have thought that you could hurt me? The way you've done it so deliberate, so determined. Since you have been gone I bite my nails for days and hours and question my own questions on and on...**_

* * *

 _ **OWEN**_

The days keep going and Teddy and I are more or less back to square one. We are friendly, but we are not friends. Our conversations don't go beyond asking how we are, how we are doing or what we will do in the rest of the day.

Even so, I keep reminding her every day how much I care, although sometimes I feel that my words fall into a void I don't care. I'll keep trying, even if she wants to make me believe that she doesn't care about my words I can see her blush at my presence, as she evades my gaze and bites her lip nervously, as she swings her body from one foot to the other and how she cleans the palms of her hands against her clothes. She's just too stubborn to let me in again. I don't blame her, I hurt her and there will be no day when I don't regret that.

Today I haven't seen her face to face throughout the morning and that is sending my anxiety to a whole new level. I _need_ to see her, up close. She has been in the conference room all morning in a meeting with some investors and board members.

I look at her through the window from the nurses' station and she sends me a shy smile and a small wave that I immediately return to her. I keep looking at files on the tablet waiting for her to come out. I'll risk everything and ask her to go to dinner with me.

 _"Excuse me, do you know where I can find Dr. Theodora Altman?"_

I hear someone asking for Teddy and immediately catches my attention. I turn to where the voice comes from and I'm surprised.

A woman around 60 years old. Attractive for her age, preserved. I don't know about brands, fashion or designers, but this woman is very well dressed, she smells exquisite and her purse seems to cost enough to buy surgical equipment for at least a week. In general, the whole aspect of this woman screams elegance, but above all, screams money. _A lot_ of money.

"Chief Altman is in a meeting". One of the nurses answers the woman.

"Chief?"

"Yes. Chief Altman. She is the Chief of Surgery".

The woman seems impressed and I intervene.

"I'll take care Lucy". I tell the nurse and then I address the woman. "Are you coming with the investors?"

"Oh no, just... I need to talk to her and they told me I could find her here".

"Are you looking for a medical diagnosis?"

"No". She tells me sharply. "It's personal".

I frown and nod slightly. "She's in a meeting, I don't know how long it is going to take. Then she has a couple of scheduled surgeries. Maybe you want to come another day".

She doesn't seem very happy with my answer. "Who are you?"

"Dr. Owen Hunt. Head of Trauma". I answer giving my hand that she takes only with the tips of her fingers giving me a little shake and sneering with disdain. This woman really is something else.

We both remain in an uncomfortable silence, I don't know whether to invite her to wait for Teddy in her office or in the attending's lounge, maybe it isn't up to this special woman.

"Owen!" Teddy is finally out of the meeting. She goes and stands next to me with some folders in her hands. "I have some wonderful news for you and your trauma room!" She tells me with a huge smile. "Let's go to my office." She takes my arm, but I stop her.

"Hey, Teddy wait! Someone is looking for you".

"Who?"

"This woman". I said pointing with my hand to the elegant woman on the other side.

"Oh, Hi! Dr. Altman" Teddy greets her by giving the woman her hand and she takes it immediately. The completely opposite to how she acted with me. Even in her face a shy smile is drawn. "What can I do for you?"

"You do not know me, don't you?" The woman says with sadness.

Teddy looks at me confused. "Should I?"

 _ **TEDDY**_

I have no idea who this elegant woman front of me is. She looks at me sweetly, as if she knew me of a lifetime. She scans my face and body and smiles broadly when she sees my baby bump. I can see how she restrains the impulse to reach out her hand towards me and instead bring it to her chest clinging to her necklace. For my life I don't know who this woman is. Maybe some grateful patient. I've treated thousands of people throughout my career to remember each and every one of them.

"It's me, Teddy." She says in a hopeful voice.

"I'm so sorry. I don't remember you". I say politely. "Maybe if you remind me of your name and your case I—".

"I'm Natalie Altman. I'm your mom, Teddy".

I'm in shock.

My whole world stopped spinning. I feel a huge pressure in my head, it's almost blinding and deafening. This must be a joke. A _very_ bad joke. I can't find my voice. I don't have words I don't know what to say or what to do. I just stand there staring at her open-mouthed. She tries to approach me and I react.

"It's me, my love". She says, trying to touch me.

"DON'T!" I jerk my hand away. "I-I-I…". I can't say anything; my throat is completely closed. I'm so dizzy from the shock. She tries to come close again and I flinch away again with a slight stumble. Owen immediately takes me by the arm.

All I want to do is run. Run and hide.

"TEDDY!" Owen calls my name, but I'm already meters away.

 _ **OWEN**_

I'm almost as surprised as Teddy, she had told me the whole story of her mother, how she abandoned her and her father when she was only 6 years old, in all the difficulties she had to go through since then and how she blamed herself for her abandonment.

I'm worried for Teddy, she doesn't look good, all the color has left her face and she is speechless. I'm afraid that her pressure may rise up and she faints right here.

My heart skips a beat when the woman tries to get closer and she stumbles a little.

"Teddy!" I take her arm, but she turns around and runs away. "TEDDY!"

"Where is she going?" The woman asks me on the verge of tears and I feel my blood boiling. How dare she appear after a lifetime away? After everything Teddy suffered, everything she cried and blamed herself.

"I think you should leave, ma'am. This is not the best moment". I tell her firmly.

"I need to see her, I need to talk to her, explain her that—"

"She can't do that right now. She is very shocked and as you could see she's pregnant, she can't handle this kind of stress right now".

I turn around and leave the woman there. I need to find Teddy.

I walk through the corridors looking for her and asking if anyone has seen her until I finally find her locked in an on-call room. She is lying on bed a crying. I lock the door and I rush to her, taking her in my arms.

"I'm here, I'm here." I comfort her stroking her back and her hair and she clings to my scrub shirt. "Calm down, this doesn't do you good".

"I don't want to see her, Owen. I don't want to see her I don't want to hear her". She cries.

"I know, I know. And you won't if you don't want to".

"Why did she have to come back?"

She cries on my shoulder for a long time until her cries become slight hiccups. I lie with her on the bed and she sinks her face into my chest with her fist still clinging to my shirt.

"I don't want to see her, Owen… but I've so many questions... I want her to tell me why, why she did what she did".

"Then... you should talk to her Teddy". She immediately shakes her head. "I know it will be difficult and you don't want to see her, but you need to closure to this, Teddy. You don't have to welcome her back with a party, just listen to what she has to say, that will help you, that will take the blame away, blame that you put on you without deserving it".

She sits cross-legged on the bed and looks at the opposite wall thoughtfully then she sighs deeply.

"I don't know how". She tells me hopeless.

"Do you want me to go with you?"

"I don't know, I don't know... I don't know how to do this. I never thought that this would happen, nothing prepared me for this... she... she was dead for me, Owen!"

I sit next to her and take her hands between mine. "Look, this is what we'll do. I'll tell her that you want to talk to her, you'll talk here, in your office. You'll let her talk and then you'll tell her everything you feel... don't think about it, just tell her what is here". I say putting my hand over her heart.

She leans her head on the wall, running the ceiling with her eyes, thinking. "I'll do that".

"All right. Although now it doesn't seem like that, it'll help you." She smiles sadly at me.

"And what if she wants to have a relationship with me?"

"Do you want to have a relationship with her?"

"No, I don't". She answers sharply.

"Then you don't have to".

"Okay". She answers wiping away her tears and then she gasps making me freeze.

"What?! What happens?!"

"The baby!" She says in a sigh taking my hand hastily and placing it on her baby bump with a huge smile. "It's kicking, do you feel it?"

"Yes! Oh, my God. This is-is amazing!"

"It feels so weird. It's like a little fish or a feather". Without warning I shower her little bump with kisses.

"I love you, I love you so much sweet pea". I say against the fabric of her scrubs.

"I was starting to worry, I'm 18 weeks and it hadn't moved at all".

"Maybe it felt the need to do it now. To make Mommy feel better".

"I'm so happy that you're here to feel it". She tells me caressing my cheek. "I'm grateful you're here, _now_. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have you".

"You'll always have me, Teddy. I'm not going anywhere".

"I'm ready". She tells me sighing decidedly.

"Let's go then".

I get out of bed and help her stand up, then we go to look for her. For her mother…

* * *

 **Teddy's mom! * screams***

 **Did you expect that?**

 **What do you think will happen now?**

 **Do you think she and Teddy will have a good relationship? What would you do?**

 **Do you think this will bring Towen closer again?**


	18. Chapter 18

**_***ENGLISH ISN'T MY LANGUAGE***_**

 _ **It had been ages since I updated this fic too! But I promised you an update so here it is!**_

 _ **Unfortunately this Monday I go back to school, it'll be a little harder to keep writing, with the exception of a chapter from**_ _ **"Strong Bird, Wounded Wings"**_ _ **that I've already ready to post it's possible that it'll be more difficult for me to update the other fics. It all depends on my homework load. I hope you all stick with me!**_

 _ **Anyway, new chapter, hope you enjoy and if you like it let me know your**_ ** _thoughts!_**

* * *

 _Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt. Because of you I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me. Because of you I am afraid..._

* * *

 _ **OWEN**_

We leave the on-call room and Teddy goes to the bathroom to give herself a splash of water on her face while I go to look for her mother.

"Lucy!" I go to the nurse. "Did you see the woman who was here a few moments ago with me and Dr. Altman? Do you know if she left?"

"You mean that woman?" She answers, pointing to the waiting room.

"Yes! Thanks Lucy!"

I turn around and address the woman.

"Miss... should I say Altman?" I ask her and I can't help the annoyed tone in my voice.

"Now I go as Natalie McClain". The woman, who clearly has been crying, answers me.

"Teddy has decided to see you for a few minutes only". I tell her, dryly.

"Really?!"

"Yes. This is very hard for her and if it were up to me I'd prefer her not to see you again, hers and our baby's health can be put at risk with so much stress... but she wants to see you".

"You are the father of the baby? How is she? Is a boy or a girl?"

"Look, ma'am, I don't want to be rude, but I don't feel like sharing this with you. Teddy will see you in her office, come with me".

She gets up and follows me to Teddy's office, she hasn't arrived yet, I send her a message and she asks me to wait a few more minutes. She needs some time.

"Teddy will be here in a few minutes. Wait here for her". I update the woman and then left the office.

 _ **TEDDY**_

I look in the mirror trying to find the strength to go to her, to my mother. _Mother_. That word is too big for her, she only had to do with my birth, but she wasn't a mother. She was never there when I was sick, when I needed her. She is _not_ my mother.

I'm considering whether to go or not. I feel divided, trapped. I want answers, but I don't want to see her. My blood boils just from remembering my father and how much we suffered after she left, after she changed us for a penthouse in Manhattan because she decided that we were not enough. Her own daughter was not enough.

I take one last look in the mirror and I go to meet her, standing here in front of the mirror I won't get the answers that I long for.

I open the door slowly and she is sitting in the sofa of the living room typing something on her cell phone.

 _Don't show weakness_. I repeat myself again and again.

I straighten my back and with my head up I enter my office directing myself to my desk and sitting on the edge with my arms crossed over my chest. She gets up from her seat as soon as she sees me come in, but she doesn't approach me, she looks at me with a mixture of fear and sadness that strangely satisfies me.

"So, here I am. What did you want to tell me? I don't have much time, I have a hospital to run".

Her jaw trembles and she seems not to find the right words to begin with. "You... you're so beautiful". She tells me, softly with a shy smile.

"Hmmm... thanks".

"Is it a boy or a girl?" She asks, pointing to my bump.

"I don't know yet, but we're not here to talk about my child".

"No, I know". She answers me, looking at the floor. "So... you're a doctor, a surgeon. Hannah, your sister, she is in medical school and Justin, your brother, he went to law school, both at Harvard".

I can't help but laugh acidly. "Don't get confused, ma'am, I don't have siblings. And yes, I am a surgeon, graduated from a state school, I am a Major of the United States' Army, I have a bronze star for my service in Iraq, I was Chief of MedCom and all thanks to my father!"

"I-I... I'm sorry, I just wanted to—"

"Slap me with the wonderful lives of your children?" I interrupt. I'm so angry that seeing her so sad makes me feel so good. Images of me and my father living in that dark and cold basement come to my mind, the narrow circumstances, the hunger, my sick father. All that happened while she lived the life of a queen in some luxurious building in Manhattan. "Know that you don't dazzle me with that. I've enough money to buy a pent-house in New York or to go and empty Dior's boutique if I want to".

"No, that was not my intention". She answers me, with trembling voice.

"Ok, let's make this easier. Why did you leave?!" I ask, aggressively and straight to the point. "Tell me... Did you think of me every time you went, I don't know, to Chanel or Fendi's boutique to spend thousands of dollars? Did you think of me when your maids served you gourmet food at the table? When the driver opened the limousine door for you, when you went to those extravagant balls full of ridiculously rich people, when you were traveling around the world, tell me!"

She breaks into tears and lets herself fall on the sofa. If she thinks that with that she will touch me, she is completely wrong. "Things were not like that!" She cries.

"Then how were they?!"

"To this day there was not a single day when I didn't think of you, I just wanted a better life for you".

"Then why didn't you take me with you?! Why didn't you come back for me?!"

"Because I was deceived!"

She looks at me waiting for me to answer something, but I don't say anything, waiting for her to continue. I look at her with fire in my eyes.

"My-my... my husband, he... he lied to me. He told me he would welcome you and me but first I would've to go with him for a few months while he arranged the papers to get married and adopt you, but he lied to me. As soon as we got married he became possessive, he had me under surveillance, I couldn't go anywhere without him knowing. When I wanted to go back for you he... things got pretty ugly, lest just say he didn't want me to. It wasn't until a few months ago that he died that I was finally free and since then I started looking for you".

I laugh humorlessly. "Of course, it was easier to live in a golden cage than return for your daughter. While you lived a high life my father and I were rotting in that hole in Brooklyn, while we survived by day and we hardly got money to eat you went to the finest restaurants, while I struggled to get scholarships to go to college your children went to Harvard... how beautiful, isn't it?

She can't look me in the face.

"Have you ever seen a dog or a bear when someone tries to take away their puppies or their cubs? They fight to death with anyone who tries to harm their babies. It's magical, the power and depth of motherhood, it's wonderful to see what motherhood makes us do, to know that a helpless being depends on us... it turns us into wild beasts, ready to fight, to protect". I can't help stroking my baby bump while saying those words. My baby, I would _never_ leave her or him for anything or anyone. Over my dead body. "But you preferred the money than fight to death for your daughter".

"Teddy, you don't know what it was like to live with the mediocre of your father!"

"DON'T YOU DARE TO TALK ABOUT HIM LIKE THAT! Thanks to him I am who I am now, so if you don't have more to say, leave!" I yell at her and I go to the door to open it wide. "I would like to say that it was a pleasure to see you again, but it wasn't so, please leave".

She gets up and walks slowly towards me. "Can I... can I at least give you a hug? Please". She begs.

I want to be strong, I want to be tough, I want to be mean like her. But I can't, I don't have her cold heart. I nod softly and she hugs me so tightly that I find it suffocating. She cries on my shoulder and repeatedly apologizes. I just give her a couple of pats on the back.

I don't want to forgive her, she doesn't deserve my forgiveness, but again, I'm not like her, I'm better than her.

I take her by the shoulders and look her straight in the eyes. "I forgive you... I forgive you for everything you did to me and I know that my father also forgave you before dying, you can go knowing that you have my forgiveness, but please, don't come back to look for me".

She again throws herself into my arms crying and thanking me for my forgiveness.

"I won't bother you again if that's what you want, I just want you to be happy". Then she gives my bump a soft pat that freezes me and I can't react. "Goodbye, little one". She notices my discomfort and withdraws her hand, looks for something in her handbag, pulls out a card and gives it to me. "I won't bother you again if you don't want... but if one day you want to contact me I'd be more than happy".

I hesitate to take the card, but in the end I do it. "I don't think so, but thanks".

"Goodbye my girl, and congratulations, I'm sure you'll be a wonderful mom, the mother I wasn't for you".

"Goodbye". I answer, dryly watching as she leaves. As she leaves again.

I feel everything at once, I want to run and hug her again, I want to scream at her to leave and never come back, but more than anything I want to cry. I don't know what to do now with this information, I don't know what to do with her version, it's a strange feeling of fullness and emptiness, finally I had part of the answers I was looking for, but I also want to know more. I lost so much time making stories in my head, I don't know if I want to waste more time not knowing the rest of the story. I don't know if I want to spend the rest of my life with resentments, with doubts, with hatred in my heart.

I take my cell phone from the pocket of my white lab coat and write a message.

 _"Meet me next Saturday at the restaurant 'Six Seven' at 2:00 p.m. Teddy"._

I send it to the number on the card she gave me... my mother.

 _ **OWEN**_

The rest of the day Teddy stays in her office and then in surgery. Around 5:00 p.m. I receive a text from her asking if I can go to her apartment for dinner. Immediately I answer with a _Yes_.

I get to her place, expectant to know what happened with her mother. I knock on the door and seconds later she opens. She looks breathtakingly beautiful. It's the most casual outfit I've seen her wear, but she looks stunning. She wears a fitted white dress with black stripes that pronounces her baby bump in an adorable way, a denim jacket, black ballerinas and her hair in her characteristic curls.

"Wow!" I exclaim open-mouthed as soon as I see her. "I mean, hi!"

"Hi". She greets me with a tender smile. "Come in!"

I come in and immediately smell pasta and garlic bread, my mouth is watering. "It smells delicious here. Did you make dinner?"

"I hope I didn't abuse of the salt. My taste buds are not doing a good job lately". She answers, timidly.

"I would eat it anyway".

She laughs softly. "I know".

"So... are we going to dinner? I'm starving".

"Yes, yes, just... I want to talk to you, Owen, about something important".

"You're scaring me, is all right?"

"Yes, everything is fine, at least I think it's good. But come on, I'll tell you over dinner".

We both go to the kitchen and between us we serve the dishes and take them to the dining room, Teddy even put tablecloths, candles, flowers and bought red wine for me. I must say that it makes me feel a little more at ease about anything she has to tell me, she set up a whole mood, an intimate and romantic mood. This must be good.

We started talking about trivial things, I tease her with the wine, mocking the fact that she can't drink, we talk about some old good memories, some old friends, until Teddy clears her throat and takes my hand. I can feel her tremble.

"So Owen... about what I have to tell you... as you know today I spoke with my mother and it was... intense. I got some answers, not what I expected and certainly not enough, I don't know if in the future I can have a relationship with her, but I forgave her and I agreed to see her again so I don't know where that will lead... but the point is, Owen, while she was talking and telling me all those things, the only thing I could feel was hatred, an immense hatred and I... it made me feel so scared because I had never felt so much hate in my life". Her voice trembles more and more and tears are already running down her cheeks. I bring my hand to her face and clean one of her cheeks with my thumb. She smiles at me and takes my hand, holding it on her cheek, then kisses my wrist and proceeds.

"I had never felt so much hate and in the end, when she asked me for a hug I realized that I'm not that person full of hate, I couldn't deny her a hug and... it felt good, I felt good, while she hugged me and cried in my arms I couldn't feel hate, I felt sorry for her but not hate... my point is... I wasted years of my life feeling resentment towards my mother and now that I finally had her in front of me I realized that I don't want to continue resenting her, so all those years were wasted years... I don't want to keep wasting time, Owen. We have wasted too much time among bad timing, misunderstandings, fights... I don't want to waste more time without you, I want to try, I want to be with you... I'm scared, but only trying will make me stop feeling scared... I love you, I love our baby. I don't want our little family to waste more time being separated".

I'm speechless, I just look at her shocked.

"See I said something now you gotta say something, so..."

And there it was, I laugh out loud and take her face in my hands kissing her passionately.

If it wasn't because we needed to stop kissing for air, I would kiss her all night long, I lean my forehead against hers stroking her cheeks with my thumbs. "I love you so much, I don't want to waste more time without you, without you two". I say bringing a hand to her bump so that I can feel the still soft flutters of our baby.

"Just have me some patience, ok? Let's take this slowly and carefully. Please?"

"As you want". I answer and kiss her again.

"Wait, I've something for you". She says, cutting the kiss, she gets up from the chair and goes to her bedroom. She returns with a wooden box. "Here, it's for you. Well, it's for our child, but I want you to have it... maybe we can add more to the work I've done".

I open the box and inside are some photographs tied with a white ribbon and a USB. In the photographs, Teddy shows her baby bump in front of the mirror.

"In the back is the date, how many weeks I was and a small note of how I felt". She points.

I smile broadly and the tears start to prickle my eyes. "And this?" I ask, showing her the USB.

"You'll see. They're videos... but watch them when you're alone".

"Why don't we watch them now? You and me".

"No!"

"Why not?" I ask, confused but amused to see her reaction, her face is completely flushed and she can't meet my eyes.

"It gives me a little bit of shame". She answers biting her lip.

"You are too beautiful". I say, kissing her forehead. "But it's okay, I'll watch the when I'm alone".

I return to look at the photos and read everything that is written behind.

 _ **April 27**_

 _6 weeks_

 _Today I had my first ultrasound, you are so small, the size of a blueberry. I could see your tiny heart beating, but I couldn't hear it yet, it's too soon. I've a huge craving for roasted chicken and milkshake, tho it's snowing outside._

 _ **May 18**_

 _9 weeks_

 _Today I heard your heart for the first time. I cried like crazy. I left the hospital and went to buy dozens of clothes for you._

 _ **June 1**_

 _11 weeks_

 _Today we'll take a long trip, we'll go to America to see daddy, finally he'll know about you. I'm very anxious, a couple of weeks ago you gave me a big scare, I thought I'd lose you. But you are strong. I hope daddy is happy with the news, I'm sure he will._

I put the photo down and I look at Teddy with eyes full of tears. Knowing what she was going through during all those weeks in which she was completely alone on the other side of the world makes me want to kick myself.

"Teddy... I'm so, so sorry".

"Let's not go back to the past unless it's for good memories, let's just look to the future, please".

I smile and again I take the photographs. _13 weeks, 14 weeks, 15, 16 and 17._

"I haven't taken my 18-week photo. Do you want to join?" Teddy asks me, smiling.

I take her hand and together we go to the mirror in the living room standing sideways. I hug her from behind and cradle her bump while she takes the picture.

After she takes the picture I can't contain the urge to sink my face into her neck I inhale her sweet scent, I start to kiss her gently and she tilts her head to give me better access. I'm about to take off her denim jacket, but she stops me and turns in my arms facing me circling her arms around my neck.

"Remember, slowly".

"Yes, ma'am, though... I think I'll have to stay here tonight". She looks at me questioningly. "I can't drive back home, I've drunk too much alcohol. You had it all planned, didn't you?" She laughs.

"I can ask you for an Uber".

"I don't feel safe in an Uber".

"Oh, your poor helpless Rambo." I can't help laugh out loud. "I'll prepare the sofa for you". She says getting out of my arms and going to her bedroom, taking off her jacket and looking at me seductively before closing the door behind her.

I drop on the sofa laughing. I can't believe her. I feel in cloud nine, this is the beginning of the rest of our lives together. Now I only need for our child to be born.


	19. Chapter 19

**_***ENGLISH ISN'T MY LANGUAGE***_**

 _ **I would've sworn that I updated this fic the other day along with "Strong Bird Wounded Wings" but apparently I did't haha so here it is!**_

 _ **I was a bit** **hesitant** **about publishing this or not, maybe that's why I forgot it the other day. I don't know why but it's not my favorite chapter, still I hope there's something you like and let me know in the comments.**_ _ **Your kind words are what motivate me to write because I know that you like what you read, that**_ ** _I'm not writing to the void_** _ **and you don't read it just because.**_

 _ **By the way, this fic is near its end. 5 more chapters, maybe 4.**_

 _ **Anyway,**_ ** _no more whining from my part, enjoy!_**

* * *

 _I give you my love, I give you my life,_

 _despite the pain, it is you who inspires me._

 _We are not perfect, sometimes opposite poles,_

 _I love you with madness, I hate you at moments._

 _I'll give you the sun whenever you ask me,_

 _as long as it's with you, I'd always try…_

* * *

 _ **TEDDY**_

This morning I woke up with a start. Without looking at the clock, only based on the sun shining brightly outside my window I already knew it was late. I got out of my bed and jumped into the shower, it wasn't until I was getting dressed that I realized it was my day off.

I'm so stressed that I've lost count of the days. I thought that after talking with my mother everything would be better but I didn't count on my siblings.

 _Siblings_

I find it strange to say I have siblings. Until a few days ago the word " _sibling_ " wasn't in my vocabulary, just like cousin, uncle, aunt, nephew or _mother_. But now I have two siblings, a sister, Hannah, is 25 years old, soon to be a doctor. And Justin, he's 35, a lawyer, he has a small, but rising, law firm in Manhattan.

Justin and Hannah have been insisting on meeting me, they want to know me, they are angry with my, _our_ mother, and they want to see me, but the truth is that I don't know if I'm ready yet, it was a lot to see my mother after so many years. So now I'm torn between answering or not answering their texts.

I'm sitting cross-legged on the sofa, looking at the screen of my cell phone, messages of Justin and Hannah shine in the screen begging me to accept too meet them.

"What should I do, my love?" I mumble and rub my bump. Just then someone knocks on the door. I get up and look through the peephole, it's Owen. Without thinking I smile widely, I feel giddy every time I see him. Everything inside of me flutters, including my little bean, my legs shake, my heart leaps and my hands sweat. I'm like a teenager with a crush, but I can't help it, I love Owen so much, he has been my rock in these difficult days and basically in all the difficult days of my life since I've known him.

"Hey". He tells me sweetly as soon as I open the door.

I go closer to him and I welcome him with a soft kiss. "Good Morning". I take him by the hand and we go inside my apartment.

"I doubted whether to come or not. I thought you'd be asleep since is your day off".

"Oh, don't remind me... I couldn't sleep much last night and this morning I forgot that it was my day off". I say as I head to the kitchen to serve Owen a cup of coffee.

"All good? Is our little muffin giving you problems?" Owen asks, hugging me from behind. I love when he does that, he makes me feel small and protected between his huge arms. I lay my head on his chest and sigh deeply.

"My... siblings want to meet me".

"Oh... I didn't know you had siblings, but—"

"Me neither, and that's the point, they didn't know about me either and they want to know me, but I don't know…" I turn in his arms and hug him tightly, sinking my face into his chest.

"If I'm honest, I think you should meet them, it's not their fault what your mother did. Maybe that could be good for all of you".

I sigh. "You're right".

He kisses me on the head. "Hey, I have a surprise for you".

I look him in the eyes excited. "A surprise? What is it?"

From the pocket of his jacket he takes out a small envelope and hands it to me, inside is the picture we took the other day. "It is the photo of week 18, for the collection, I added a note on the back".

 _ **July 20th**_

 _18 weeks_

 _"Hey little muffin, this is your dad, this is the first picture I take with Mommy and you. Today was a big day for her and you were a champion. I saw the videos that mommy has recorded since she knew you were on the way, I can't explain how much I cried, I hope you don't hold any grudge for what I did in the past, I love you with all my heart, I love you since mom told me you were on the way and I love your mom just the same, I can't wait to know what you will be, much less to have you in my arms._

I wipe my tears while at the same time I laugh. "It's supposed to be a small note." I joke with Owen.

He takes me in his giant arms again and kisses me. "I love you".

"I also have a surprise for you." I say, smiling like a little girl. He raises an eyebrow questioningly. "The next week I've a medical appointment, it is the ultrasound for week 20, maybe we can know the sex of the baby".

"Yes, yes! Oh my God, I can't wait!" He exclaims enthusiastic hugging me and lifting me slightly off the floor.

He kisses me again, but now more passionately, he puts his hands inside my pajama shirt and I do the same. Feel the warm skin of his muscular back on the palm of my hands and his rough hands on the skin of my back send electric currents all over my body. I _want_ to go further, but I don't know if now is the right time especially considering that I asked him to take things slowly.

"Owen, no, wait!"

He smiles warmly and kisses my forehead with sweetness. I hug him tightly and we both stay that way for a few good minutes.

 _ **OWEN**_

I'm so anxious, I'm _so_ anxious I could pass out right here. I'm sitting on the fluffy couch of the waiting lounge of Teddy's OB, looking around waiting for her to arrive. My ankle crossed over my knee and shaking it nervously while my hands sweat.

The week 20, Teddy is practically halfway and chances are good that we'll get know the baby's sex today.

I imagine what it'll be like when the doctor tells us. I imagined myself with a boy, but also with a girl, a little girl with pinkish and chubby cheeks, with Teddy's huge green eyes. I smile to myself.

I take out my cell phone in case I've unread messages from Teddy. Nothing. There are 5 minutes left for the appointment time. I call her and just when I'm about to take the cell phone to my ear I see her leave the elevator, she's starting to waddle and I find it extremely charming, I can notice that she's short of breath too.

"Hey, sorry I'm late. Have they called us yet?" Teddy asks me, panting slightly and then drops on the couch next to me and gives me a quick kiss on the lips.

I chuckle and bring her to me with one arm placing my other hand on her rounded belly. My favorite spot. "No, not yet".

"My siblings, I couldn't cut them off and the traffic was horrible, I thought I wouldn't make it here!"

"How was it with them?"

She smiles broadly. "Good, great. They are incredible I must say. They are happy to have a sister and I... I think I am too. They are so excited for the baby, their first nephew or niece. Justin is very sweet, at first he was a bit shy, but now not so much, I think it was the shock of having a sister he didn't know about, now he even jokes with me and Hannah... she is quite a case, it's ridiculously smart. She reminds me of Lexie Grey a lot. Do you remember her?"

"Of course! Sweet girl, very smart!"

"Well, Hannah is just the same, she is about to finish her M.D. degree and is considering starting her surgical internship here in Seattle".

"Wow, that's amazing, isn't it?"

"Yeah... but, they're still upset with our mother, they don't talk to her and that... I don't know, I feel somewhat guilty".

I hold her more tightly. "Hey, none of guilt, okay?" She snuggles her head in my chest. "I love you". I say without hesitation and she raises her face, sees me and smiles this time with happiness and gives me a soft kiss on the lips.

"You're not angry that I haven't introduced you to my siblings yet, right?"

"Not! I'll wait until you feel comfortable".

"Well". She plays nervously with her hands. "I was thinking that we can organize something, something small in my place and you can meet them, I've talked to them a lot about you, maybe I already drove them crazy, but they really want to meet you, so?"

"Yes! I'd love to!"

She smiles at me again, her head resting on my chest letting out a long sigh and caressing her belly. "I'm so excited." I say.

"Me too".

"Mr. and Mrs. Altman?" The OB's assistant calls us.

"Mr. Altman?" I ask, raising an eyebrow, amused.

She laughs, gets up from the couch and takes me by the hand leading us to the consulting room.

The doctor checks on Teddy, weighs her, measures her, takes blood samples, everything is perfect, until the questions come. I can see the discomfort in Teddy's face and how she looks at me nervously, apparently she had omitted to tell me about her constant dizziness, headaches, cramps and insomnia.

I don't say anything in the moment, but it bothers me that Teddy didn't tell me anything, I want to know everything about her and the baby, I want to know that they are okay and if they are not I want to be there to help.

"Ok Teddy, now the ultrasound!" The doctor says and Teddy turns to see me with a huge smile and I return a shy one, her smile falls, she knows I'll tell her something for omitting that information.

"Hey, it's okay". I whisper, giving her a hand squeeze. "I'm not mad, we'll talk later". She nods slowly and quickly wipes a tear before it rolls down her cheek.

I help her up onto the bed and hold her hand giving it a kiss on the top. The doctor proceeds with the ultrasound, everything looks perfect, our little one is completely formed, its feet and hands move, its heart beats fast and steady, everything looks perfect.

"Do you want to know the—?

"Oh my god!" I exclaim, interrupting the doctor. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry... it's... it's a girl, isn't it?!"

"A girl?!" Teddy repeats, smiling widely and looking at the monitor. "Oh my God, it is!"

"We are having a baby girl". I say and hug her tightly.

"Well... I forgot that you are doctors". The doctor says and we laugh shyly.

The doctor leaves us alone for a moment and we have a little celebration for our little girl.

"Hey there, little one". I say, framing Teddy's baby bump with my hands while she is still lying on the bed. "I can't wait to have you here". I kiss her bump again and again she can't stop laughing.

"Owen, stop!" But I can't stop, I love to kiss, rub and pat her baby bum _so much_. "Stop or you'll make me pee!" She whispers and then I stop. She sits on the bed and I stand in front of her kissing her gently.

"I love you so much, thank you, thank you for our little girl".

"Thanks to you too". I give her one last kiss on the forehead before helping her out of bed. "Owen, about what I told the doctor about my health—"

"We'll talk about that later, okay? At home, just you and me. I'm not angry, I wish you had told me, but I'm not angry, I want you to be calm".

"Okay" She answers me, with trembling voice.

"And no tears".

"It's the freaking hormones!" She says, chuckling lightly. "By the way, I forgot to tell you, but my damn pregnant brain… tomorrow I've a birth class. It's an invitation the OB gave me, if you can't go I understand, I don't know if I'll go, but—"

I shut her with a kiss. "I'll be there".

 _ **TEDDY**_

Owen is late. All the couples are already in position in their mats, but I'm here alone in the entrance, waiting for him.

"Mrs..." The person in charge of giving the classes comes to me.

"Altman, Teddy Altman". I answer her, timidly.

"Teddy, we're about to start, we can give you five more minutes to wait for your husband to arrive, but no more". She tells me, sympathetically.

"Oh, it's okay, I don't know how much longer it's going to take, I think I better go".

She looks at me with condescension. "Pregnancy is a very important stage in a woman's life, since our little one is inside us we should start to bond, maybe for some people these classes are frivolous, but they are very important, you and your husband should know and have programmed your schedules".

I look at her incredulously. How dare she imply that my pregnancy is not important to Owen and me? I want to slap her. Just at that moment Owen comes in running.

"Where were you?!" I ask him.

"I'm sorry honey, huge emergency, massive car crash, I had to amputate one leg and remove the steering wheel from a woman's chest!" Owen answers panting. "Hi, Owen Hunt!" He greets the other woman who looks at him in amazement. "Oh, I'm a surgeon, we are, hence the amputations" He adds, chuckling.

"Hi! I'm Claire". The woman greets him with a shy smile and I can see a glimpse of flirting in her eyes. _Bitch_! "Shall we? We're about to start the class".

"Sure!" Owen takes me by the hand and leads us into the room, the woman in front of us.

"I don't like her!" I whisper to Owen so she won't listen.

"Who?" Owen asks me, confused.

"That woman, how she looked at you".

"Are you jealous?!" Owen asks, with a mischievous smile.

"I want to smash her face on the pavement!" I say, between clenched teeth.

"Hey mama bear, calm your hormones! This is a moment of relaxation, besides, I only love _you_ ". He tells me and kisses me on the temple.

 _ **OWEN**_

I never imagined that hormonal Teddy would be so funny and sometimes complicated. She can be a bucket of hearts and confetti a minute and the other a huge wrecking ball of rage and curses and apparently now is the later, I wonder what it'll be in a few hours.

We come into the room and settled on our mat, Teddy sitting between my legs and resting on my chest. The class is good and we all laugh, the instructor teaches us breathing techniques, massage, gives some advice to us fathers to deal with and understand our partners a bit and tells us a little about what to expect in childbirth.

I can't help noticing Teddy's occasional displays of affection, she kisses me or caresses me in the hand, chest or any part of my body that is within her reach, as well as the murderous looks she gives at the instructor every time she catches her watching us. The class ends and I help her get up off the floor.

"Should I make you jealous more often? You've never been so loving". I tell her, jokingly but when I see how her eyes fill with tears I regret it. "Love, love, I'm kidding!"

"Do you think I only did it because I'm jealous?!"

"No, love! I told you, I'm kidding!"

"I don't want to come back here!" She says to me, in an almost childlike voice.

"We won't come back if you don't want to". I answer, caressing her cheek softly. "Come here". I hug her. Soon a couple approaches us.

"Hi, are you two new?" A perky, short and very pregnant woman asks.

"It's your first time? I hadn't seen you before". The husband, of almost twice her wife height, adds.

Teddy turns around in my arms to face the couple and I hug her placing my hands on her bump. "Yes, it's our first time". Teddy says. "Debut and farewell".

"Teddy!" I scold her, chuckling.

"Why? Didn't you like the class?" The woman asks us.

"Don't listen to her". I tell them and kiss Teddy in the head. "Owen Hunt". I say, offering my hand to the couple to greet them.

"I'm Chloe Carson and this is my husband, Robert Carson".

"Nice to meet you, Chloe, Robert".

"I'm sorry about what I said". Teddy says apologizing to the couple. "My head is elsewhere. I'm Teddy, Teddy Altman".

"Nice to meet you, Teddy." Says the woman taking her hand and pulling her to kiss her on the cheek. "And don't apologize, believe me I understand, but tell me how far along are you? Do you know if it'll be a boy or a girl?" The woman asks, enthusiastically.

"Chloe!" Her husband says in an amusing-warning tone. "Whenever she meets a pregnant woman she asks the same questions!" We all laugh

"It's okay". Teddy answers. "Sometimes it's good to have someone to talk to about these things. I'm 20 weeks along, almost 21 and we're having a baby girl". Teddy says, looking at me with a huge smile when she says it will be a girl.

Since the day we found out we've been in cloud nine, deep down we both wanted a little girl. The idea of a mini Teddy makes my heart swells with love, she keeps saying she expects she looks like me and I keep saying that I hope she looks like her. According to her, she doesn't want to dress her all girly with ribbons and all in pink, but she always forgets it whenever she sees a new item like headbands, dresses, onesies, shoes and yes, all in pink.

"A girl?! That's amazing!" Chloe exclaims. "I'm 30 weeks along, a boy, Robert Jr. Like his father, do you already have a name?!"

"Oh, we don't—" I start, but Teddy interrupts me.

"Yes, she'll be named Allison!"

"Allison is a beautiful name!" Richard exclaims.

I look at Teddy confused and she immediately notices my confusion. I didn't know that she already had a name, not that it bothers me, at all. I know what the name and the person that that name belonged to mean to Teddy, so I would never have opposed to name our daughter like that, but again, she hides things from me and _that's_ what I don't like.

"It is. Well, if you excuse us, we have to leave". I say and I take Teddy's hand. "We've to go back to work. We work at the Grey Sloan Hospital, if one day you need something, which I hope you don't, don't hesitate to come to us".

"Thank you! We'll have it in mind!" Chloe says.

Teddy and I walk hand in hand and in silence all the way to her car. We both feel the tension and we know we _have_ to talk, but apparently neither of us dares to say the first word.

"So, I didn't know you've to go back to work, but I've the rest of the day off. See you later?" Teddy asks me once we get to her car, clearly trying to evade the subject.

"I also have the rest of the day off. Why don't we go for dinner? I think we have many things to talk about". There, I said it, if I don't say it, I probably she won't say it, I know her.

She sighs. "Owen, I don't want us to fight".

"Me neither. This is not a fight I just want us to talk!"

"See you in my apartment?"

"Ok, I'm behind you". I give her a quick kiss and I go to my car to follow her to her apartment.

Once there, Teddy and I get distracted making dinner, everything is laughter and games until we sit down to eat.

"Owen... about this afternoon... it wasn't my intention, I mean, ever since I knew we would've a girl the name of _Allison_ was the first one that came to my mind and yes, I wanted to talk to you first and ask you what you thought but... I don't know, I don't know what happened to me, to see that woman so excited to talk about her son's name, that just... it made me feel excited too! I just wanted to share my enthusiasm but I swear it was not my intention to exclude you from that... it's not definitive yet, we can still choose another name that you like too—"

"Teddy". I interrupt her. "I love that name, I know how much it means to you and I understand, I understand that you felt excited and maybe at that precise moment you didn't think, believe me I understand, love, but... it's not just the name".

I take her hand in mine and wipe a tear with my thumb. "I had to find out in the medical checkup that you haven't been feeling well, Teddy, since that day I'm not at peace when I'm not near you, fearing something might happen to you, please understand that too, put yourself in my place, I love you, you and our daughter are everything for me, I want to be involved in absolutely everything that has to do with you and with her, even if it's just heartburn I want to know, I want to be involved in _everything_ ".

"I know, I know you want to know everything and I want to share everything with you too". She answers me, whimpering softly. "And this is not an excuse, but... you understand me too, since I came back to Seattle everything has been a damn roller coaster, when I thought that my life would finally start to go better, my mother comes, then my siblings and everything about the baby... it's-it's too much for me and I've been stressed, I can't sleep, I can't focus, but I swear to you that none of that is to hurt you, I just don't want to add more drama to all this!"

"Teddy, listen to me. I am with you, we are together, maybe not living under the same roof, but we are together, I love you, you love me... that's what couples are for, to support each other, to be there when the other needs it, let me be with you, I want to be with you".

She nods, hugs me by the neck and I let her cry all she needs.

"Do you feel better?" I ask, after a few moments, when she is calmer.

"Yeah, thanks, I needed a good cry". He answers me chuckling slightly and wiping her nose.

"Even when you cry you're beautiful, but I don't want to see you beautiful crying, I want to see you beautiful laughing".

"I love so much".

"I love you more".

Teddy takes my face in her hands and kisses me deeply. Then she starts unbuttoning my shirt and running her soft hands all over my chest, I want to do the same with her, strip her of her dress, but I don't want to speed things up, I want everything to be at her pace.

"Owen". She says my name as if it were a sacred word and looks into my eyes with her huge green eyes and her dilated pupils. "I want to be with you, in _every_ way".

"Are you sure?" She nods decisively.

We got up from the table and go to her room kissing and stumbling. And I get rid of her dress, leaving her just in her sexy black lace underwear. Once in her room we both surrender to each other in the purest form of love. I let her make me hers in her own force and will; soft and delicate, but at the same time rough and hot.

Moments later we both lie naked in bed, our bodies tangled in each other's and in the white sheets, Teddy with her head resting on my chest, drawing random patterns on my chest with her fingers. I caress her side and giving special attention to her baby bump, pressing with the tip of my fingers at the spots where our daughter moves and kicks making us laugh.

"I can't believe I spent almost 20 weeks without you". I sigh and she laughs and then we both fall into a comfortable silence, only the rain and thunders can be heard.

"Owen?" She says after a while propping up on her elbow and looking me in the eyes. "Move in with me".

I'm speechless.

"What? Are you sure?!"

"I know I said I want to take this slow, but... this feels good, at least I feel good, you and I, our daughter... it feels good, I feel good, you make me feel good, have you here with me by my side in my bed it makes me feel good, so... Would you move in with me?"

"YES!" I answer and kiss her. "Yes, yes, yes!" I repeat again and again between kisses, until a certain little human joins the celebration kicking and fluttering. "Did you hear that, baby girl?" I say speaking to Teddy's bump. "Daddy will move in here with you and mommy, are you happy?" Our little girl gives a flutter that we take as a " _Yes"_.

"I can't wait for our family to be complete". Teddy tells me caressing my face and then straddles me. "I love so much". Just one of her soft and arousing kisses is all it takes for me to surrender before her and I would do it for rest of my life if she asked me to…


	20. Chapter 20

**_***ENGLISH ISN'T MY LANGUAGE***_**

 _ **New chapter, yay!**_

 ** _This story is also coming to an end, 3 or 4 more chapters_**

 _ **Enjoy and leave me your comments!**_

 _ **:D**_

* * *

 _ **It took us a while**_ _ **,**_

 _ **w**_ _ **ith every breath a new day**_ _ **.**_

 _ **With love on the line**_ _ **,**_

 _ **w**_ _ **e've had our share of mistakes**_ _ **.**_

 _ **But all your flaws and scars are mine**_ _ **,**_

 _ **s**_ _ **till falling for you…**_

* * *

 _ **TEDDY**_

"I should cancel!" I blurt out, squeezing Owen's hand nervously as we walk hand in hand through the shopping mall, buying stuff for tonight's dinner and visiting some baby stores.

"What?! No! Why?" Owen questions me.

"I don't want a civil war in my living room! My siblings are furious with my mother and I... I can't take sides, I like my siblings, but also my mother."

"Teddy, your mom's already invited, maybe this is the perfect occasion for the four of you to finally make peace."

"I don't have the energy to make them make peace. If you think I'm stubborn, try with them!"

"Well, you're related."

I just huff and roll my eyes. Just then I receive a text from my mother and _just_ seconds later one from Hannah and _then_ one from Justin. I feel that I'm being assaulted by all possible sides.

I shudder exasperated and put my cell phone back on my bag without answering any messages.

"You've to answer back at some point." Owen warns me. "They'll come tonight at our house."

"I need to go to the bathroom." I say, to avoid talking about my siblings and my mother.

Owen smiles at me shaking his head. "You're impossible."

We continue walking through the mall in search of toilets when someone calls Owen's name.

" _Owen?!_ "

I don't know Owen, but my heart falls to my feet and my little one gives a somersault.

"Beth!" We both say at the same time, nervous and surprised, tightening our grip on our hands.

Her gaze goes from Owen to me and from me to Owen, then to my bump and keeps it there. I start to feel _really_ uncomfortable, I shudder, my little Allison kicks and moves feeling my anxiety, I rub my side in an attempt to calm her down. When I do that, I can see the pain in Beth's eyes and withdraw my hand immediately.

She chuckles incredulously, shaking her head slowly. "You two together, why am I not surprised?"

"Beth, it's not what you think, we never—"

"For god's sake, Owen! I'm not stupid, I always knew that you had feelings for Teddy!"

"Beth, that was years ago, plus Owen and I never had anything until recently."

"And apparently you didn't waste time."

What was Beth's point? She and Owen had ended years ago, what did she expect? That he remained single for the rest of his life?

"What Owen and I've done _years_ after you is just our business, we never did anything to hurt you."

"Oh, then Owen never told you how he broke up with me? An email! A damn three-line e-mail."

People start to look at us curiously. Beth is raising her voice and Owen and I stand still in front of her. Uncomfortable. I have to get us out of this awkward situation.

"Look Beth... I think this is not the place to talk about that—"

"You didn't want children." Beth interrupts me with a shaky sigh. "You didn't want children with me and now..."

I can feel the palm of Owen's hand sweat in mine. "Owen." I say. "I... I'm not feeling well." I lie, but I give Owen a knowing look that he catches immediately. "Can we?"

"Yeah, yeah! Beth, I'm sorry, we—"

"Yes, I get it".

"Goodbye, Beth." I say, and walk away from Beth taking Owen's hand.

We walk a few meters in silence until we reach a Starbucks and took a seat in one of the small armchairs.

"What the hell was that?" I ask, still surprised.

"I don't know". Owen replies, dropping heavily on the sofa, letting his head fall back, pressing the bridge of his nose with his fingers.

"Owen... Is it true that—?"

"The email? It's true". Owen answers and I can notice the embarrassment in his voice. I don't say anything, I look to the other side, distracting myself looking at the people who walk relaxed through the mall. "Teddy I... I was going through some very difficult times, first what happened with Daniel and my whole unit, then Megan... I don't even remember much of the things I did in that period of time... my PTSD was out of control." He sighs tremblingly.

"Owen, it's okay, I understand. Can we... not talk about this anymore?"

He smiles at me and brings me to him with his arm, I lean on his chest and he places his other hand on my rounded bump. "I love you both". Then he gives me a kiss on the head.

After that awkward moment we go back home, Owen helps me prepare everything, then we take a shower that goes on longer than necessary, but it's just that lately it's so hard to resist him, the sex drive of the second trimester is hitting me hard and it's increasingly difficult to control it.

Owen has me against the wall, my legs around his hips, he thrusts against me, hard and precise, making me shiver and bounce, I'm about to come and I've nothing to hold onto. The water, now cold, falls over us creating rivers in the grooves and curves of our bodies. I hold on tightly to Owen's neck and I sink my face into his neck, I want to tighten my grip around his hips, but my legs are getting weaker, I can feel my orgasm building up in my core, so big it weakens and melts everything in me. After a few more thrusts I come, followed by Owen who holds me against the wall, steady, but careful not to crush me. We both pant heavily.

"That was—"

"Wet". Owen says and I laugh at his pun.

"I love you." I kiss him on the lips, then we are interrupted by the doorbell.

 _ **OWEN**_

 _Damn!_ Just when Teddy and I were enjoying our little moment of intimacy, someone had to come and interrupt us. I hurry to get out of the shower, put on a bathrobe and go see who it is.

I open the door and on the other side is Natalie, Teddy's mother, with her elegant self. She brings a box with what looks like an exquisite dessert and a pink gift bag with an equally pink star balloon that I suppose is a gift for Allison.

"Hey, Natalie! You're early." I greet her and open the door for her to come in.

"Yes, I know, and I'm sorry! It's just that I was so nervous in my hotel room, I went out to distract myself and buy this for dinner and for the baby to make some time." She gives me the gift and the dessert. "But I needed to come here. Where's Teddy?"

"Oh, she... she's finishing getting ready, in a moment she'll be here."

"Ok, I'll wait here then."

"Would you like something to drink? Water, coffee, tea?"

"Don't you have something stronger?" She asks me with a look of anguish, she's clearly nervous, she knows that her other two children will be here at any moment.

"Hmmm... I don't know, let me see. I stopped drinking in solidarity with Teddy, but let me see if there is something in the kitchen."

"No, no, it's fine, it's fine! A glass of water is fine."

"Okay."

I go and bring her the glass of water that she takes to the bottom in one long gulp. I can see how her hands tremble and her forehead and nose shine with a thin layer of sweat.

"Ma'am? Are you ok?"

"Yes!" She answers with fake cheerfulness, then her smile falls away. "No, I'm a nervous wreck, I fear that Justin and Hannah are going to cause a fight here, I don't want that for Teddy."

I take the seat next to her and take her hand, at first she tenses and looks at me surprised, apparently she's not used to this kind of gestures. "Don't worry, trusts me, Teddy won't let that happen, she'd kick them out of this place before letting that happen... she has quite the temper."

"Yeah, I know." She answers, smiling shyly. At that moment Teddy appears in the living room.

"Hey, Mom? What are you doing here so early?"

"Sorry, sorry if I'm being inconvenient, but I, I—"

"Mom, it's okay. You just took us a little by surprise, that's all."

"You look so beautiful". Natalie says getting up from the sofa and going to Teddy, taking her hands and turning her in front of her to see her outfit. "Let me see, let me see!" Teddy laughs shyly and I smile at seeing her so relaxed in front of her mother. "You're glowing, my love." Then she gives her a tight hug.

"Oh, it's just a dress." Teddy says carelessly. Smoothing the skirt of her burgundy maternity dress, with a twist on the front, sleeveless and with a fall just above her knees, she had bought that morning at the mall, just for this occasion.

"But you make it look gorgeous."

"Well, since you are here I'll go to finish getting ready." I say and go back to the bedroom to get dressed.

 _ **TEDDY**_

Owen goes back to the bedroom and my mother and I stay in the living room, we both fall into a comfortable conversation. I tell her about my work, about the baby, about Owen, hoe I've felt the last weeks; She tells me of her days in Seattle, of the places she has visited, she recommends some books and films, then Owen joins us and she talks about us visiting New York, but once Allison is born.

"I'd love to! It's been years since the last time I was in New York, in fact, two great friends of mine live there, Arizona and Callie."

"Well, one more excuse to visit me in New York, but until the baby is born, I don't want you up and down in planes, taxis and trains in your condition."

I chuckle. "As you wish." Then a knock on the door. We both turn to see each other, we know it's Justin and Hannah, we are not waiting for anyone else. "Everything will be fine, trust me." I say to my mother giving her a gentle hand squeeze and Owen places his hand on her shoulder giving her a kind smile.

Before I open the door I can hear Hannah and Justin talking to each other.

 _"That's so tasteless Hannah!"_

 _"What? Of course not! It's a dinner."_

"Hey!" I greet them cheerfully when I open the door.

"Hey, sis!" Hannah greets me equally cheerfully giving me a tight hug. "Here, I brought this for dinner." She hands me two bottles of red wine.

"I told her it's tasteless to bring alcohol to a house where people don't drink." Justin adds, giving me a hug too.

"Oh, trust me, you're going to need it!" I reply, in a mocking voice. "But come in, come in!"

They come in and stop as soon as they see our mother. She gets up from the sofa and looks at them with watery eyes.

"What is she doing here?" Hannah asks, with an acid voice.

"I invited her." I answer, as a matter of fact.

"Why?!"

"Because it's my house and it's my mother?" Hannah turns to see Justin raising her eyebrows in disbelief.

"Why are you doing this, Teddy?" Justin asks me, though calmly clearly annoyed.

"Because I don't know about you two, but I've had enough drama in my life for a lifetime. I've lost people and time and I'm not willing to keep losing it and if there's someone in this room who should hate her that's me, not you! If you want to keep behaving like spoiled brats from the Upper East Side that's your problem, the door is quite wide if you want to leave, but I'm not going to kick out my mother."

"I'm done with hate and drama in my life, I've no place for that, so if you are not willing to leave hatred behind then I don't think there can be a relationship between us... I organized this dinner to make peace, so that you could meet the love of my life and he could meet you all, but if you're going to ruin everything then it would be better for you to leave!"

At the end of my rant Owen looks at me with a proud smile. Justin and Hannah look at the floor and at each other ashamed, like scolded children and my mother just looks expectant at the three of us.

 _ **OWEN**_

Teddy, her mother and her siblings have been talking on the terrace for almost an hour, I'm putting the last details to the dinner and watching them from the kitchen, although I don't know if there is going to be a dinner considering the heated of their talk.

They talk and move their hands exasperated. For a moment Natalie cries, then Teddy, then she looks furious, everyone tries to calm her down. Then they all seem to calm down, they're sitting on the same sofa, their voices are so low that I can't hear what they say. Then everyone comes together in a hug, crying for several minutes, then they laugh and hug each other again, Natalie kisses each of her children on the forehead and pats Teddy's baby bump; Hannah and Justin join their hands there and everyone laughs and cries at the same time.

I'm _so_ happy to see that at last all this mama-drama seems to have been left behind for Teddy, all this was keeping her awake at night, stressed, distracted, sad. Now with all this behind we can both focus on what is really important, the birth of our baby girl.

Once all that drama ended the time went by like a sigh. Allison grew healthy and strong every day and with that Teddy's belly. Like every future mom, there were good days and bad days. There were days that she was insatiable, we could spend all day in bed making love, other days she didn't want to get out of bed, but because of how tired and emotional as she was, other days she was a bolt of energy, going from one side to another, working, planning the nursery, taking me for walks in the park and my favorite, when her instinct to nest hit her.

It was beautiful and funny to see her put everything in order in the baby's room, making sure everything was securely placed, that all the sheets, quilts and stuffed animals were perfectly clean, that the A/C worked perfectly, even thinking about buying an air purifier, folding and unfolding the baby's tiny clothes, checking the seams, making sure they were soft enough not to hurt our daughter's skin, making sure the apartment was absolutely clean and baby-proofed.

With so much preparation when we realize there is a month left for Allison's birth. We've lived in a bubble that we didn't realize when time went by. Our relationship was stronger and more intimate than ever. Preparations for parenthood changed us and joined us in ways we didn't think possible, if before we were best friends now it was a completely different level, everything was different but a thousand times better, there were no boundaries to speak, we said everything directly and bluntly, both the things we liked and the ones we didn't. We were no longer just friends, we were partners, accomplices, lovers, _parents_.

"I can't believe she'll be here in a month. Where did the time go?!" I say, as Teddy and I take an evening stroll in the park holding hands. The night is cold, but Teddy insisted on taking a walk.

"You say that because you're not the one carrying our daughter, but for me time seems to have stopped, and I still have a month left!"

I bring her to me kissing her head and she leans on my shoulder. We are both walking this time holding each other. "But you're being so strong, I'm so proud of you. You are the strongest woman I know."

"It's not like I have a choice."

"Don't diminish yourself, you're incredibly strong, you run a hospital while pregnant, that's incredible!"

She smiles sweetly and hugs me more strongly. "Can we sit for a moment? My hips are starting to hurt."

We look for a bench and Teddy sits moaning heavily. "Do you want us to go back home? We can take a taxi if you want."

She laughs. "It's only four blocks to the apartment, Owen! Just give me a few minutes to rest. Besides, walking is good during pregnancy, it helps keep me in shape, to induce labor and for labor."

"Do you know what else helps induce labor?" Owen whispers in my ear. I look at him questioningly. "Sex." He answers, twitching his eyebrows at me, playfully. Two old women sitting on the same bench turn to us shaking their heads.

"Stop it!" I say, laughing and covering his mouth with my hand.

"Oxytocin is an excellent pain relief."

"Owen!" I say his name warningly, but with a smile.

"The offer is open for when you want to take it."

"Shut up! Better tell me what we'll take for Thanksgiving dinner to your mom's house."

"Don't worry about it. Megan is in charge of the whole dinner."

"We can't leave all the work to Megan."

"Do you really want to argue with Megan about that?"

"Ok, you have a point."

"Are you excited? It'll be a big dinner."

"Yes, I am. I think it'll be the first thanksgiving dinner I've had since I went to Germany, to think in all the people who will be there… Megan, Nathan, Farouk, your mom, my mom, my siblings, us." Then the baby kicks against my hand.

"Oh, someone is upset she wasn't mentioned."

"I'm so happy, Owen. So, so, so happy!" She tells me, in a quivering voice.

"And what lies ahead…"

"I cannot wait!"

She takes my face in her hands and kisses me gently, little by little she increases the intensity, takes the lapel of my coat to bring me closer to her.

"Ok, let's go home, I'll take your offer!" Teddy says panting against my lips.

" _Indecent! Immoral!_ "The old women sitting next to us tell us.

"With all due respect, you don't think that this baby or any of the children running in the playground were conceived by a holy pigeon, don't you? Good evening, ladies!" Teddy answers, taking me by the hand and taking me to our home, happy to take my offer.


	21. Chapter 21

**_***ENGLISH ISN'T MY LANGUAGE***_**

 _ **Does anyone still read this? Hahaha**_

 _ **Fluffy-hot Towen before the end.**_

 _ **Rated M due to mature content**_

 _ **Reviews are always welcome :)**_

* * *

 _When I give my heart, it will be completely_

 _or I'll never give my heart._

 _And the moment I can feel that you feel that way too_

 _is when I fall in love with you…_

* * *

 _ **TEDDY**_

"I told you to sit down! Dammit, Theodora!" Megan scolds me for the thousandth time that day because for the thousandth time I wanted to help her with the preparations for the Thanksgiving dinner. "Out, out, out of my kitchen, bye, don't come back soon. Eeyore, come and take your woman out of my kitchen!"

"Ok, I'm leaving!" I defend myself. "I just wanted to help you with the sweet potato puree, you always fail with the consistency."

"I'm following Martha Stewart's recipe, okay? Martha never fails. Now, out, out!"

"Did someone call me?" Owen asks, coming to the kitchen.

"Yes, me. Take Teddy out before I put her in the oven along with the turkey. What part of _'I'll make dinner_ ' don't you understand?!"

"Ok, calm down!" Owen laughs. "She just wants to help, isn't that right, love?" He says, approaching me and hugging me from behind giving me a soft kiss on the cheek. "A dinner for so many people is a lot of work."

"And I thank you, but I don't need help, I'm handling everything perfectly by myself. Everything is almost ready."

"If you say so." I say.

Owen takes me by the hand and together we go to the living room where my mother and Evelyn talk enthusiastically, the same Justin, Hannah and Nathan, meanwhile Farouk plays in the yard. It seems unreal to see all these people gathered in the same place, all having a nice moment. I can't help letting out a trembling sigh.

"Everything okay?" Owen asks me.

"Excellent. I'm just a little bit emotional, all the people I love are gathered for Thanksgiving dinner."

"And wait for Christmas, maybe our princess will already be born by then." Owen places his hands on my belly, running them up and down.

"Days will be so long, I can't wait for her to be here."

"Well, practically you can go into labor at any time."

"Don't say that!" I laugh and put my hand over his mouth. "What if my water breaks tonight?"

"Then we'll have one more thing to be thankful for."

I sigh again, my emotions are out of control. I am so, so emotional, so happy and full of gratitude that I don't know how to handle it other than crying. "I love so much."

Megan exceeded all my expectations that night. The table was impeccably decorated with Evelyn's best dinnerware, all the seats were occupied, the dinner was delicious, there were so many things to be thankful that I couldn't help crying more than once. It came to my mind how my thanksgiving was only a year ago. I came home at night, all the lights were off, there was no one at home, obviously, I just took a beer from the fridge and toasted for myself, I didn't have much to thank beyond my health and my work. But this year everything is different, I am grateful for my baby girl, for Owen, for my mom, for my siblings, for my in laws, for my work and for my health. I had never had so many things to be thankful for.

A couple of days later Owen and I go to a huge Christmas tree farm. The fact that it was his idea makes me feel warm inside. He knows how much Christmas means to me and wants to make this, our first Christmas together, the best of all.

There are so many beautiful trees. I choose one not too high or too short, but very, very, very leafy and green. As soon as we put it in the living room the whole house is flooded with an exquisite smell of fresh pine. If I close my eyes, I can imagine that I am in the middle of a forest and that brings me such peace.

Owen and I decorate the tree together and once we finish it helps me get on a step to put a beautiful crystal star that my mother gave us on the top of the tree. Owen turns off the lights in the apartment and I turn on the lights of the tree. It's breathtaking.

"Goddess!" I sigh. "It's beautiful, Owen!"

"We did a great job, didn't we?"

"It's perfect. I love it, I love it, I love it!" I kiss him fervently.

"And guess what."

"What?"

"Since we are already full on with the Christmas spirit, I have your first gift."

I look at him, frowning but with a smile, I'm so confused. He goes to the baby's room and comes back with a huge box and puts it on the coffee table.

"I had to hide it for a few days."

"What is it?!" I ask, excited like a little girl. This is why I love Christmas.

"Open it for you to find out."

I open the box and at first I don't understand what it is, at first glance it seems to be just a briefcase. Owen notices my confusion and takes it out of the box.

Apparently is a wooden briefcase. It has beautiful vintage touches on the corners as well as on the golden handle. Owen opens it and I gasp in amazement. No, he didn't! I look at him with a huge smile.

"A turntable!" I'm amazed.

"I noticed that certain device didn't arrive in your move with the things that you brought from Germany. I know how much you loved it and I know you missed it, so I figured it would be the perfect Christmas gift."

"Perfect? Owen, this is... MORE THAN PERFECT!"

I kneel down in front of the coffee table to admire each and every one of the little details of my new turntable.

"Look in the box, there's more." Owen tells me.

Inside the box there are at least a dozen vinyls with all my favorite classics. _Earth, Wind and Fire. Nat King Cole. Duran, Duran. The Beatles. The Police. ABBA. The Rolling Stones. Gloria Gaynor. Cher._ Among many others.

Owen takes a vinyl from the collection and places it on the plate, then the arm with the needle and a cheerful and lively melody starts to sound. He dances in front of me and offers me his hand to join him. I can't help laughing hysterically.

"I'm not going to dance _Boogie Wonderland_! Do you want me to go into labor right now?!"

"You're already full term." Owen replies, nonchalantly and without stopping dancing.

Oh, my God, I love him _so_ much. I love him more when he does this kind of crazy things. When he's with me the Owen he isn't with anyone. When he is uninhibited, when he forgets his worries, when he is like a child happy to live life, when he laughs, when he dances, when he sings.

I feel a huge lump in my throat and my little Allison kicks against my ribs. He intends to kill me with so much love.

"Come on, Teddy!" He encourages me to get up and join him to dance. "Ok, you don't like this one?" He takes off the vinyl and takes another one out of the collection and puts it on the turntable. A soft melody plays and my eyes floods with tears. "What about his one?" He asks me with a soft voice and offers me his hand to get up.

Without hesitation I take it and join him and together we dance to the gentle rhythm of _L-O-V-E_ by Nat King Cole. He is gentle, he guides me with precision, but at my pace, he twirls me gently from time to time and I giggle every time he does that.

We keep moving in harmonious synchrony through _Unforgettable_ , _Smile_ , _When I Fall In Love_ and _You Are My Everything_. I hug him by the waist and I lay my head on his chest, closing my eyes and letting myself be carried by him. He leans his chin on the top of my head and runs his hands up and down my back. Allison stirs softly inside me.

"Teddy." Owen whispers my name.

"Hmm?" I hum in response.

"Do I… do I say ' _I love you'_ enough?"

His question takes me by surprise. Of course he tells me enough that he loves me. Each and every day since we are together. From the moment I open my eyes in the morning to before I fall asleep at night. Sometimes not only with words, but also with actions. All the time he shows me how much he loves me and how much he loves our daughter, so I don't understand the reason behind his question.

I look at him in the eyes, surprised. "Love, you do it all the time. Why that question?"

He slips off my arms, running his fingers through his hair and exhaling. He goes and sits on the couch by the window and loses his gaze on the Seattle landscape. I tentatively approach him but stay a few steps away.

"Owen, is everything okay? What's all this about? You are scaring me."

He turns to look at me with the sweetest of smiles and offers me his hand. I take it and he brings me to him and sits me in his lap, caressing and kissing my baby bump gently, then he looks into my eyes. His eyes look watery, as if he wanted to cry. "Sometimes I feel that a simple _I love you_ is not enough. Sometimes I feel that my words are not enough to describe everything I feel for you. To describe how much I love you and how much I love our daughter, although she hasn't been born yet. I don't know how to describe this feeling inside of me, this... it's like, I don't know, I don't know and I don't know how to explain it to you. You are like a rainy day in Seattle after months in Iraq's desert."

I laugh and cry at the same time and he wipes my tears with his thumb. "You make me feel alive, you make me feel like reborn."

I hug him and I sink my face into his neck crying. After he let me cry for a while on his shoulder we cuddle in the couch by the window to look at the landscape. This time it is not snowing. The tall buildings stand in front of us and the Space Needle rises in the far distance. The sky is pitch black and cloudless, the stars twinkle and the waning moon shines high.

Owen caresses my arm gently up and down, I tilt up my head and give him soft sloppy kisses all over his jawline. His hand goes from my arms to my thighs, caressing them from the outside in and drawing small circles, then goes higher, stopping his hand just centimeters from my crotch. Our breathing becomes deep and heavy. His jaw is no longer enough, I _need_ his lips, his lips on my lips and all over me.

I turn around and I kneel in front of him between his legs. Taking his face in my hands and deepening my kiss. His hands run my side from my waist to my thighs, up and down, I can feel the warmth of his hands through my clothes.

I take the hem of his shirt and help him get rid of it. He takes my sweater and does the same. He sinks his face between my full breasts, inhaling my scent and kissing me there, then he gets rid of my bra and cups my breasts with both hands squeezing them slightly making me moan and turning me on completely.

"Are you sure of this?" He pants against the skin of my chest.

"Shut up, once I give birth we won't have any of this for at least 6 weeks!"

He doesn't say anything else and keeps kissing me. With his index fingers he takes the waistband of my leggings and slowly lowers them. I raise my knees a little to help him get rid of them completely until he leaves me just in my black panties. "You are so beautiful."

I unbuckle his belt and I help him get rid of his jeans and trusses. Leaving him completely naked. Again with his fingers he takes off my panties and while he kisses my breast without warning me he brings his hand to my crotch, taking me by surprise and making me scream with pleasure.

I hug him by the neck, sinking my face into his shoulder and letting him do whatever he wants with me. He plays with my damp folds thrusting his fingers in and out of me, I ride them instinctively and squeeze my thighs around his hand. I bury my nails on his back and he kisses my neck, my breasts and my bump while trusting in me. I'm _so_ close. A drop of sweat runs behind my ears. Owen's back and chest glows with his own perspiration and the glass of the window next to us starts to fog.

With a final twist of his thumb around my clitoris I come undone in his hand and scream my orgasm in his ear falling heavily against his chest. He brings me close to him as much as my bump allows. I pant deeply and he rubs my back and my hair while he kisses me on the temple.

When I finally managed to catch my breath I straddle his legs and kiss him from the lips to his chest. He places his hands on my bottom and brings me closer to him, when he is ready I sink him into me. He lets out a hoarse, deep groan, squeezing the skin of my buttocks.

Again, like a couple of hours ago, we move in perfect synchrony. Again everything is at my pace. He caresses me gently, but in a way that only fuels the fire in me. His hands go from my bottom to my hips, to my bump, to my breasts, to my face. We don't stop telling us how much we love each other until we both come together at the same time.

We stay like that for a few minutes. Silent. I lay my head on his chest listening to the beating of his heart that a few minutes ago beat at full speed but now is calm and at the same time fills me with peace.

With the tips of his fingers he draws random patterns on my back and gives me occasional kisses on the head. When I begin to feel numb Owen helps me get up and takes me to bed. Not exactly to sleep.

That night we make love until the crack of dawn, it seems that we can't have enough of each other. It seems that we are taking very seriously that of _'there will be none of this for 6 weeks_ '. So we are doing the best of this couple of weeks that we have left.

Owen jokes that this will help me induce labor and I go along with him. Right now that's the last thing in our mind, we just want to have as much as possible of each other. Feel as much as possible of each other. We don't know what can happen tomorrow...

* * *

 _ **What could happen tomorrow?**_

 _ **Thoughts?**_


	22. Chapter 22

_*****ENGLISH ISN'T MY LANGUAGE*****_

 _ **You asked for "tomorrow" so here it is...**_

 _ **Just a little thing, don't hate me at the end, please!**_

 _ **Enjoy the ride...**_

* * *

 _Hello my only one, remember who you are, you're not perfect but you're not your mistakes. The good outweighs the bad even on your worst day, and you're still my chosen one._

 _So hear me out, I won't go, no goodbyes. And next time when I look in your eyes, we'll have wings and we'll fly…_

* * *

 _ **TEDDY**_

 _Everything_ hurts. From the top of my head to the tip of my toes my whole body hurts. I'm so tired, swollen and sore that I can't even get out of bed, not to mention the constant Braxton Hicks. I've barely left my bed in the past week. The appointment with the OB last week crashed my spirits a bit. Unfortunately, Allison didn't turn in the last weeks as we expected and she in a transverse position.

The OB scheduled me for a C-section for December 20th. I cried all that day, I wanted a birth as natural as possible, I know that a birth is _always_ unpredictable but I couldn't help it. My emotions have been out of control for a couple of months now. That's part of the reason why I haven't left my bed in the last week, plus the burden of pregnancy. I feel that my knees and ankles can't take me more than a few steps. I just want my baby girl to be here.

My mom and Evelyn have been very helpful these weeks. They, along with Owen, have me _so_ spoiled. And he, he is being such a trouper. Sometimes I feel guilty when I wreak all my frustration and anger on him, but he is so understanding, he accepts _everything_ I throw at him. Every time I try to apologize, he assures me that everything is fine, that it's the least he can take since I'll give him the most precious gift of all.

I toss and turn in bed trying to find a comfortable position to rest when I hear Owen come home. He had been outside making the last purchases to stock the pantry so we don't lack anything when we come back home from the hospital after Allison's birth.

Owen opens our room's door and gives me a huge smile, mine reflecting his.

"Why did you take so long? I missed you!"

"I was out only for two hours."

"Yeah, but I still missed you."

He laughs and lies on the bed propping up on his elbow next to me, he hugs and kisses my baby bump everywhere, making me laugh. "I missed my girls too." Then he tilts up his head and kisses me. "Ready for tonight?"

"Tonight? What is tonight?" I ask, for my life I don't remember.

"Dinner with our mothers."

 _Crap_. I forgot it like an idiot. I groan and cover my eyes with my arm.

"You don't have to go if you don't want to, they'll understand." He places his hand on my bump, rubbing it softly. "They understand how hard these days have been. I'll call them to cancel, don't worry."

"No, don't!" I puff in resignation. "It's okay, it's just a dinner, two hours and we're back, plus I need some air, I haven't left this bed in a week. I must look and smell awful, isn't it?"

"You're the most beautiful." Owen answers and gives me a kiss on the top of my hand.

"Stay here for a moment. We still have a few hours before dinner."

We cuddle together in bed and sleep for a couple of hours. Once we have got some rest we get ready and go to the restaurant where my mom and Owen's are waiting for us to have dinner.

"Can you stop, soldier?! Unless you're settling in the perfect position to come out, stay still!"

On the way to dinner Allison is kicking up a storm inside me and I scold her playfully.

"She wants to come out!" Owen exclaims, patting me on the belly.

"In three days, can you believe it?!" I say and my voice breaks. Thinking in retrospect from the moment our little girl was conceived, in everything that has happened since then and where we are now makes me feel emotional. I don't want to be arrogant, but in one way or another it's something we've deserved and we've earned. _Nothing_ can go wrong at this point.

We arrive at the restaurant and my mom and Evelyn are already waiting for us. I'm glad to see that they've become very close and good friends over this pregnancy. My mom lives a very lonely life in New York, and she needed a friend.

Even without being born Allison has achieved what seemed impossible, she got me close to Owen when everything seemed lost and now we're together, she got me close to her granny and she made her two grannies become best friends.

"My baby, look at you!" My mother exclaims as soon as she sees me and gets up from her seat to hug me tightly. I hold the hug for a few more seconds. Suddenly I feel the imperative need of stay with her, embraced, I feel the need for her to protect me. I've had this strange feeling all day and I can't place the reason. It's probably hormones and my impending motherhood that makes me feel so drawn to my mother's love and protection.

"My love, what's wrong?" She asks me sweetly when she sees the tears running down my cheeks. I laugh and wipe my face.

"Nothing, nothing! I'm sorry, I've been a bunch of emotions these days. I needed a hug from you so much."

"Oh my baby, come here." She hugs me again and rubs my back whispering sweet words in my ear.

"I love you so much, mom." I sob.

After a few minutes we all sit down to eat, the conversation flows harmoniously, the food is delicious and I am _so_ happy.

"So tell us, what plans do you have after Allison comes?" Evelyn asks.

"The truth is that not much." Owen replies. "I just plan on enjoying my girls as long as I can before go back to work." Then he kisses me on the temple.

"I plan to be at home with her for at least 3 months, not less. I couldn't leave her so little at daycare. I don't even know if I'll be able to leave her at 3 months!"

"Teddy, the daycare staff is the most qualified, you know you have nothing to worry about."

"It's a baby, our baby, how come you're not worried?!"

"Oh, believe me honey, he is!" Evelyn points, laughing softly.

"And... Have you thought about marriage?" My mother asks and my cheeks blush, then Owen lets out a loud laugh and my heart stops.

"Oh, God, _no_!"

Evelyn, my mother and I fall into an uncomfortable silence and I avoid looking into their eyes. I feel my whole body burn with shame, my heart beats in my throat and I feel suffocated, but above all very, very, very humiliated. I had talked on more than one occasion with my mother and Evelyn about how I'd love to marry Owen in the future, so his reaction made me look like a complete stupid in front of them.

 _ **OWEN**_

After my unfortunate response, the three women remain in stupefied silence. I didn't make the best choice of words. Of course I want to marry Teddy, that would be my dream come true, we married and with our little one, as a family. But now is not the best time, to think about everything that is coming, how Teddy has been so tired now that the baby hasn't even been born yet, how it will be once she's born… organize or even think about a wedding only would add more chaos and more stress.

I shouldn't have expressed it that way, I shouldn't have laughed. I'm a stupid. But I feel so happy, I'm on the horns of the moon that I even laugh when I'm upset, I'm a laugh machine. But clearly Teddy doesn't see it that way.

I can see the pain and discomfort in her eyes, in her body language.

"I mean, of course I want to! But—"

"Can we ask for the bill?" Teddy asks with a stern voice. "Suddenly I feel exhausted."

We say goodbye and Teddy and I go home. All the way back nobody says a single word. I focus on driving carefully while at the same time my mind is working at full speed trying to think how I'll explain to Teddy that it was just an unfortunate choice of words. That I love her, that all I want is to spend the rest of my life by her side and our daughter's.

Teddy stirs in her seat and groans softly, pressing on her lower belly.

"Are you okay?" I ask, worried.

"Do you even care?" She spits back.

"Teddy, please—"

"Just drive, ok?!"

I turn on the flashing lights and I pull over on the side road. Teddy crosses her arms over her chest and looks out the window.

"Look, Teddy, what I said was stupid and thoughtless, it was unfortunate... and I know that now you are very emotional and hormonal—"

"So now I'm a stupid?!"

"I never said you're a stupid! Listen to my words, you said it yourself, you've been very emotional and it's normal and I understand it, but—"

"What if it had been Amelia? Oh, sorry, I forgot that you accepted to marry her when she asked you, after having known her for two weeks!"

"What does Amelia have to do with all this?!"

"You made me look like a stupid, Owen. At least you could've disguised your disgust."

I'm trying to be patience, I really am. I know her emotions are out of her hands, I know she will hate me for a couple of days no matter how much I explain the truth behind my reaction. But it hurts, it hurts that after everything that we have been through she doubts me, I try to repeat to myself that she isn't herself right now, but even so, it hurts. Because I _love_ her, I love her and I would give my life for her and for our daughter.

"Teddy, just listen to me, please!"

"I don't want to talk now, just drive again."

I huff in defeat, at least she said ' _now'_ , maybe tomorrow she wants to do it. I turn the car on again to take the road but everything happens too fast. One moment we are arguing and the next everything spins around me. Teddy screams and my first instinct is to pounce to protect her from the impact, but my seatbelt stops me and keeps me in my place. We keep turning and turning, it feels like an eternity. Then I can't hear Teddy. When everything stops we are upside down. The adrenaline makes my heart beat fast, I turn my head to look at Teddy and a sharp pain runs through my spine.

To beat full speed, I feel like my heart fails when I look at Teddy. She is unconscious and her face is completely soaked in blood.

"TEDDY, TEDDY!" I scream her name. I reach out my hand to bring my fingers to her neck and check her pulse. At first I can't find it, then I felt it weakly. Then I put my hand to her bump to feel some movement from the baby, but I can't feel anything. She is trapped with the seatbelt, I can see how it presses against her chest and belly.

Minutes later Teddy starts to react. She moans weakly and tries to move her head. A person comes to my side and informs me that help is on the way.

"Teddy, Teddy, can you hear me? Don't move, love, don't move! Help is on the way, please, resist!"

"Allison". She moans.

"She's fine, you will be fine, we will be fine. Please, resist!"

Minutes later the ambulance arrives, the paramedics help me out and they insist on taking me in an ambulance, but I refuse. I've no major injuries or open wounds, I only agree to have a collar and I rush to where they have Teddy.

A group of paramedics surround her and give her first aid, she is already half conscious and cries in pain.

" _She's in labor, her water broke!_ " I hear one of the paramedics say.

I walk as fast as I can towards her. She has a collar and an IV is placed on her arm. The paramedics check that everything is fine with the baby. Luckily they are known paramedics, so they allow me to be there with her at all time.

"How is she?! How is the baby?!"

"Dr. Hunt, she has cranial contusion, fracture in the right shoulder and her BP is low. Her water broke when we took her out of the car, the seatbelt made lacerations in her lower belly and shoulder, we are working on controlling the bleeding, her contractions are regular and the baby is in distress."

They take Teddy to the ambulance and don't stop working for a second on her, to keep her and our daughter alive.

"Dr. Hunt, was she in labor?" One of the paramedics asks me.

"No! We were going home after dinner, she was scheduled for a C-section within 3 days. She, she... her pain threshold is quite wide. Why?!"

"She is completely dilated and not only that, she's presenting umbilical cord prolapse... the baby's foot is pushing the cord out. We have to get this baby out right now or maybe they both will die."

I'm taken aback by the harsh words of the paramedic, but that's the medical world, we say things straight. Only now that I'm on this other side I think about how words can affect, especially the word _death_.

"Owen." Teddy moans and takes my hand. "Choose her. Save her." Her voice is low, almost a whisper, a sigh of imploring. A mother imploring for her daughter's life.

"What?! No, I don't have to choose, you two will be fine!" I cry.

"It's what you would want."

"No! I want you, I want you two, you will be fine, just resist, we are almost there!"

"It's okay, Owen... it's okay to choose."

"No, no, no!" I refuse to listen to her. I kiss her on the forehead, on the lips, on the cheeks. I stroke her bloodied hair. I can't lose her, she can't leave me.

"Promise me Owen, promise me you'll choose her, and you will lover her, and—"

"NO!" I scream. "You can't leave me, do you hear me?! I love you, you can't leave me. You will be fine, our daughter will be fine and we will be happy and we will go home to spend Christmas and play in the snow, and we will dance and then we will adopt a dog and, and, and... You can't leave me!" I can't stop crying, I'm terrified, I had never felt so much fear in my life.

"I'm cold… I… I'm bleeding out… I'm in the triad of death, Owen."

"No, no, no, you are not!" I'm in denial.

"Tell our daughter how much I loved her." Her breathing is starting to fail.

"No, baby, please, don't do this to me, don't leave me!"

"O-Owen... I… I love you. Forgive me."

"She's in V-fib!" Reports one of the paramedics. In that instant Teddy loses consciousness and her grip around my hand goes limp.

"NO, TEDDY, PLEASE SATAY HERE!"

"Baby's BP is falling, she needs a C-section now!" Another paramedic adds.

A few minutes later we arrive at the hospital. Teddy is received by the OB, Neuro, General and Trauma team and she is rushed to the OR immediately.

"Save them, please." I mutter as I watch her get carried away.

They don't allow me to go with her. I'm waiting like any family member in the waiting lounge. Friends come and go to check on me, but their words fall into a void. I'm completely blocked and numb. The only thing I can feel is fear, a fear that runs through my entire body paralyzing me. I can't conceive life without Teddy, I prefer to die too before I live without her.

I can't help replaying everything that happened in my mind over and over again. If I hadn't said that, I hadn't laughed at the comment about the marriage she wouldn't have got angry, we wouldn't have left and we wouldn't have been banged by that damn drunk who hit us. If I hadn't…

Hours later Carina Deluca and Miranda leave the OR and go towards me. I get up from my seat as soon as I see them.

"What happened?! How is Teddy?! How is my daughter?! SPEAK!"

Miranda gives me a slight squeeze on the shoulder and then rubs my arm gently. Carina looks at the floor with her hands behind her back. Miranda looks me in the eye and bites her lips, I can swear she wants to cry. "Owen, Teddy... she..."

* * *

 _ **THE END**_

* * *

 _ **The next chapter is the epilogue and it is the end-end.**_

 _ **I feel worse than Shonda... please, don't hate me! :(**_


	23. Chapter 23

_*****ENGLISH ISN'T MY LANGUAGE*****_

 _ **Do you still hate me?**_

 ** _If you hate spoilers and you're up for a surprise keep reading._**

 ** _If you don't mind the spoilers you can go to the final part for the AN and then return to the story._**

 ** _My advice, read first the story, but is up to you :)_**

* * *

 _ **EPILOGUE**_

* * *

 _ **OWEN**_

I'm awakened with the soft sensation of a tap on my nose and a squeeze on my chest. I open my eyes and meet the huge green eyes of my princess, Allison. She is on my chest and smiles at me with her toothless smile. Her blonde hair tousled around her small face, her cheeks still flushed and swollen from sleep. She is Teddy's living portrait.

"Daddy, wake up!"

In a soft movement I take her and trap her underneath me kissing all, all her face and tickling her ribs making her laugh out loud.

"No, Daddy, no!" She shrieks, out of breath.

"Why did you wake the monster up?!" I growl playfully.

"Because I'm hungry!" She screams.

I stop kissing her and tickling her and I put my most serious face. "Oh, the princess is hungry, and what does my baby princess wants for breakfast?"

"I'm not a baby anymore, I'll be 6 very soon!"

Six years, I cannot believe that soon it'll be six years from _that_ day.

"You'll always be my baby." I tickle her belly and she laughs. "So? What do you want for breakfast?"

She thinks about it for a few seconds. "I want a milkshake!"

I can't help laughing "Baby, milkshakes are not for breakfast!"

"But I want a milkshake. Please, Daddy!"

"No, young lady, how about sunny side up eggs?"

"No!" She answers, with a pout.

"Hmmm... French toast?"

"No!"

"Waffles with condensed milk and strawberries?"

She smiles "Yes!"

"Ok, let's go make those waffles for the princess!" I sit on the bed and Allison climbs on my back wrapping her little arms around my neck. "Hold on tight that this plane is about to take off!" And I run to the kitchen and around the house with my little one on my back. She doesn't stop laughing, her laugh is like medicine for the soul, it has been from the first moment. She is the only thing that keeps me afloat. The _only_ reason I get up every day.

Once in the kitchen I make breakfast and my girl and I sit down to eat.

"Daddy, tell me the story again!"

"Again?!"

"Yes! I love that story, it's my favorite story!"

"Well... Once upon a time a beautiful warrior queen, she was the most beautiful in the whole kingdom. Her long blonde hair, her green eyes and her bright smile, but she wasn't only beautiful, she was the bravest and most selfless of all, she loved to help people... "

And so I proceed to tell Allison the story of _the_ _warrior queen_.

"But Daddy, why did the queen have to leave? She had to stay with the king and the little princess."

A lump forms in my throat. I had created this whole story about Teddy to tell Allison, it was a kind of fairy tale of a warrior queen who did everything to help the most vulnerable, but one day she had to leave and leave her king and her little princess because a lot of people needed her in another kingdom.

At first Allison took the story as it was. Maybe because of her age she didn't ask many questions, but as the years went by she began to ask more and more about Teddy and recently began to ask me why the queen chose to leave instead of staying with the king and the princess?

"Because she had to do it, my love. Many, many, many people needed her."

"But surely the king the princess missed her... as you and I miss Mommy."

"Surely they did it." I answer, solemnly.

"Daddy... How did my mommy die?"

A chill runs down my back. I _hate_ to talk about that day, I _hate_ to remember that day. I haven't talked about that day in almost six years, since I took therapy, however, I remember it each and every day.

There are better days than others, there are days when I remember Teddy with a smile and I tell Allison how incredibly brave and intelligent her mother was. But there are other days in which I can't see my daughter without feeling the need to cry, remembering that day and the following days and years, making me feel so miserable. I still remember it as if it had been yesterday.

 _"Owen..." Miranda looked at me with compassion. "I am so sorry."_

 _"No! No, no, no. Miranda, please tell me this isn't true!"_

 _It was enough to see the tears streaming down Miranda's eyes to lose it completely. I fell on my knees to the ground crying my heart out. Miranda knelt in front of me and hugged me tightly._

 _"Tell me it's not true, Miranda. Please tell me!"_

 _"I'm so sorry." She also cried with me._

 _Then Carina put her hand on my shoulder. "But we saved the baby."_

 _I couldn't feel happiness at it. My baby, only minutes of being born and already an orphan. After Miranda left me vent on her for a few minutes, she and Carina took me to the nursery. Allison cried at the top of her lungs, her tiny swollen face was red from crying. Carina took her and put her in my arms and as soon as I took her she stopped crying and minutes later she fell asleep._

 _I cried while I watched her sleep. My sweet girl, we had so many plans for after her birth, we were waiting for her with so much love, we spent days getting her nursery ready... now I don't know what I will do._

 _As if she could read my thoughts or something, as soon as I questioned what I would do, she started crying again. "Shhh, shhh, shhh, my love. I'm here, Daddy is here. You are not alone, you will never be alone. Now you and I are a team, and you will make this loneliness that Daddy feels go away and never come back." She fell asleep again._

And so, since that day we've been a team, a well-oiled machine, although it wasn't always like that. At first it was very difficult, I cried every time she did it, it was frustrating. The hardest part was returning home after Teddy's funeral, which I don't remember most of. I just remember holding my little girl all the time, the rest is a sequence of blurry moments. I remember people approaching me, talking to me, taking me from one place to another as if I were a puppet, I never left my little girl go from my arms.

Teddy's mother and her siblings were devastated. The same my mother and Megan. But even with the great pain they were in, they were of immense help to me. They carried me when I was lost. Once at home I didn't have time to mourn, my new born baby needed me, Teddy asked me to take care of her and love her and that's what I've been doing, I wouldn't have it any other way, even if she hadn't asked for it I'd have done it. She's my daughter, my baby, I couldn't have turned my back on her.

Soon we all fell into a routine, my mother moved in with me and Teddy's mother moved to Seattle for a while too. They took care of Allison while I worked, but soon I felt something was missing, I felt that I couldn't find my place in that city, I didn't know how to live in Seattle without Teddy.

One day I made the decision. I would leave Seattle. I took my girl and moved to Canada. I bought a beautiful house in the woods by the lake. It was comforting to wake up with the calmness of the area, only the singing birds and nothing else. No car horns, no hustle and bustle, the only bustle was that of my little girl's laughs. Again I had to get used to a new routine, but soon we did it and it was getting better as the years went by and Allison was growing. And so we continue to this day, a well-oiled machine, a team. Although I still can't talk about Teddy's death with our daughter. But I have to do it at some point.

"Your mom... she..."

"She died because I was born."

"No, my love! She didn't die _because_ you were born." I sigh deeply. "The day you were born mommy and I had a car accident... you were still inside her belly… she… was taken to a hospital, but the doctors couldn't do anything for her, but they managed to save you."

"Do you miss her?"

"Each and every day. But you made me stop being so sad, you were and are my strength to go on since mommy passed away. You saved me again, you saved me when mommy told me you were coming and again the day you were born, and you keep doing it every day."

"I wish I could have known her." Allison tells me with the saddest voice and eyes I've seen in her. Suddenly I've an idea.

"Wait here, my love!"

I run to my room and from the back of my closet I take out a box. The box containing all the pictures and videos Teddy had taken when she was pregnant with Allison, she worked on that until the last day. I go back to the kitchen and give the box to my daughter.

"Mommy did this a few years ago, when she was pregnant with you. She documented all her pregnancy, how she felt, what she was thinking, what she was doing then. We were hoping to give it to you one day and I think that day has come."

We spent the whole morning watching the videos that Teddy recorded. Allison had many questions after seeing the firsts ones, when Teddy and I were not together, I answered the best I could and without going into details. Then we laugh with the rest, when she included me in her videos, also her mother, my mother, her siblings, our whole family.

When we finish seeing all the material that covers almost 4 hours of video and almost 200 photographs I feel a great relief inside me. I hadn't opened that box since it was closed by Teddy the last time, I didn't dare. I was afraid that seeing her would end up destroying me and my daughter needed me. But doing it with Allison gave it a new meaning, it still hurts, but now I don't want to run to hide and cry, on the contrary, I want to continue doing it, keep talking about her with our daughter, how wonderful she was, as long as her memory lives in us she will not die entirely.

"Daddy, is it true that mommy can see me from heaven?"

"Your mommy is always looking at you, even from heaven she will always be here, holding you up."

"Then I can talk to her?"

"Of course you can! You can talk to her and know that she listens to you, that when the wind blows it will be like a hug from her, when the rain or snow falls on your face, it will be like kisses and in each bird that sings she will be singing a song for you."

"She was so pretty, wasn't she, Daddy?" Allison says, stroking one of the pictures with her finger.

"She was." I take one of the photographs and get up from the sofa, going to the fireplace. I take one of the pictures off of its frame and place Teddy's picture instead, then I smile. "She was the most beautiful of all."

* * *

 _ **A/N:**_

 ** _Yeah, probably some of you hate me by now._**

 ** _But I felt the need to do this. I'm not a writer, I don't consider myself good at all, but writing is something that relaxes me and I like it, and I love to know that some of you also like what I write even if it is not the best so I_** ** _was scared to publish something like this._**

 _ **So I decided to leave my comfort zone and write something that I had never done but had thought many times. I thought about doing it with "Strong Bird, Wounded Wings",**_ ** _but I felt that there was already TOO MUCH drama (as if there wasn't any in this hehe)_**

 _ **So I put it in this one. I felt good writing something different to the same happy ending of always BUT... I LOVE HAPPY ENDINGS!**_

 _ **I couldn't leave you all without a happy ending after having read my nonsense for 22 chapters! So... this is just ONE of TWO endings for this story.**_

 _ **Without saying more, wait for the second epilogue in the following days and tell me what you thought of this epilogue with how sad it was and everything.**_

 _ **It would mean the world to me to know what you think about this piece a little different from everything I had written before.**_


	24. Chapter 24

_**EPILOGUE**_

* * *

 _ **OWEN**_

Driving back home through the busy streets of Seattle I struggle to keep my eyes open, I'm so tired, it was a day of hell at the hospital I just want to get home to rest, to have my girl welcoming me with her shrill laugh.

Just when I'm thinking of my little girl, I turn a corner and pass right by _that_ place. I shudder to remember what happened there. The crash, the screams, the blood... Teddy. Almost 3 years have passed and there is no day that I don't shudder every time I remember it.

Without wanting my mind to go back there, I step on the speed and head home. As soon as I open the door my little one yells and runs to my arms, Ruffus, our dog runs after her barking.

"Daddy!"

I scoop her up in my arms and kiss her little face. Then I get her down in her feet and I kneel to pet little Ruffus who lies down on his back for me to rub his belly.

"Hey, bro!" Hannah greets me coming out of the kitchen. "It's good that you're here, I had to study for my internship exam and this girl seems to never get tired!"

"Did she give you a lot of trouble?"

"The usual." She answers, shrugging.

I laugh because I know which is Allison's _usual_ , but she loves her auntie Hannah so much and Hannah loves her niece so much too that she gives her a free pass for all her mischiefs, although we've told her more than once that she should reprimand her when she does wrong, but I think that's the aunts' role, spoiling their nieces, Megan is just the same.

"Daddy, look!"

"What, my baby?"

"Auntie bought me a coloring book and crayons."

"More crayons?"

"They are glitter crayons, nor even I could've resisted." Hannah replies justifying the purchase.

I shake my head chuckling. "And where is Teddy?"

"Sleeping, she has slept almost all day."

"Night shifts always crush her."

"Yeah, luckily tomorrow she has the day off."

"I'll go see how she is doing and I'll come back to relieve you with this little monster."

"Oh don't worry. I'll give this little cub a bath and I'll take her to bed, you go and be with Teddy."

"OK, thanks."

I go to the room and open the door slowly, it's dark, the curtains are closed and only the nightstand lamp is turned on, Teddy sleeps deeply, hugging a pillow. Carefully I lie next to her facing her and I look at her for a few seconds.

A thin scar is visible on her temple, the same on her upper lip. I can hardly believe everything she has gone through, a traumatic accident and delivery, a painful recovery and even then she never complained about anything and never stopped smiling. Always optimistic, always strong in the face of adversity.

I get closer and kiss her on the forehead. "Wake up, it's almost 8 o'clock at night."

She stirs softly and her eyes flutter open, she smiles as soon as she sees me.

"Wake up, you need to eat something, you've slept all day."

"And I'll keep doing it until tomorrow." She answers, burying her face into the pillow.

"Come on, you have to eat. I'll make you something for dinner and while you're eating I'll prepare the tub so you can have a hot bath and relax. What do you say?"

She raises her face from the pillow just enough to look at me with one eye. "Dinner _in_ the tub."

I laugh. "As you wish, dinner in the tub."

"Cheese sandwich."

"And bacon."

"Deal!"

I laugh again and hug her bringing her to my chest. "How did my girl behave today?"

"Bad, she's a very, very naughty soldier."

"But you are too soft with that soldier, Major Altman."

She chuckles and turns around lying on her back. "Oh, you know how this is, sometimes we have a soft spot for a certain subordinate in particular."

I laugh loudly. "Oh yes, I know about that!" Then I kiss her deeply. "I love so much."

"I love you more."

Then she looks me in the eyes, holding the look, in seconds her eyes get watery. "What? What happens?"

She shrugs. "Nothing." She answers with a soft voice. "I'm just so grateful for you, for our little girl, for our family."

"And it's all thanks to you."

"Thanks to you too, my love. You are the best father and the best partner. I love you so much and I will repeat it to you until the day of my death and—"

"Don't talk about death!" I interrupt her, sounding a little harsher than I would've liked. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry... it's just that every time I hear that word I can't help thinking about that day. I thought I would lose you, I was so scared, I had never felt so scared in my whole life like that night, never."

"I was scared too. Terrified, but for you and our daughter I didn't give up. And now here we are, the 3 of us, can you believe it?!"

"The 3, or rather, the five. Don't forget Hannah and Ruffus."

We both laugh and then we lay in bed embraced.

"Owen... I want to talk to you about something I've been thinking lately."

She sits on the bed cross legged in front of me, I sit too leaning against the headboard, giving her my full attention.

"I don't know how to say it, but... first, I think we should move to a house. I love this place and it has so many memories, but with Hannah, Allison and us and Ruffus on top, I don't know, it feels a bit crowded. Besides, I want a house with a garden so that Allison can go out and play, run and scream, Ruffus would also love a garden. So, what do you think? We can leave this apartment to Hannah."

"I agree, I totally agree. Allison and Hannah sleeping in the same room is becoming a problem." We both laugh.

"I know! Hannah gives Allison so many free passes sometimes. But it's because she loves her."

"Yes, although if we move surely she will miss her."

"She will, I'm sure of that, and that's what brings me to the next thing I want to tell you." She takes my hand and looks me in the eyes. "I've been watching the relationship between Hannah and Allison, she loves her auntie, but also since Hannah and Justin are in my life I see everything in another way, I can't imagine my life without my siblings... I grew up being such a lonely girl and... I don't want the same for Allison, so... Owen... I want us to try to have another baby."

"I... What?!" It's the only thing I can answer.

"I know maybe it's not the best time and maybe I even can't after how Allison's birth was, not to mention that I'm 46 years old, but... I want to try to have another baby, and if I can't I want us to adopt or surrogacy, but I want another baby... not only so that Allison isn't alone but because I want a big family... I want crowded and boisterous Christmases, wake up with 2 or 3 children jumping in bed, laughs, fights, a big family."

I don't answer anything, instead I kiss her gently while I lay her on the bed caressing her slender body and she laughs under my touch. "Should I take that as a yes?" She asks me between kisses.

"What do you think?"

"I thought you were going to make diner to me."

"You want a baby or a sandwich, you choose."

She laughs loudly and hugs me by the neck bringing me to her, capturing my lips again.

In the following weeks we prepare everything to move. Hannah was sad and at the same time happy about our decision, on the one hand she didn't want to be away from us, but she was also happy to have her own space.

Teddy, Allison and I visited different properties until finally we decided on a beautiful house by the lake with modern design on the outskirts of Seattle that contrasted with the wooded area. It was perfect, living room, dining room, kitchen, study, 4 bedrooms, the main one with a beautiful terrace perfect for spending free afternoons.

"Well, this was the last box in the truck." I come into the house carrying the last of the move while Teddy rests on the sofa with Allison lying on her lap taking her nap and Ruffus on the floor next to them. She makes a signal with her finger to lower the volume of my voice.

"She put up a fight to take her nap." She whispers. I give her a soft kiss in the forehead and sit next to my girls.

"Insubordinate?"

"A lot! She wanted to go see the ducks on the lake."

"She will love this place."

"Me too. It's perfect, Owen." Her voice shakes and she looks around the house.

"Come here." I say, getting up from the sofa and offering my hand. Carefully she puts Allison's head on a pillow and takes my hand. I take her to the huge wall window overlooking the lake and I take her in my arms, resting my jaw on her shoulder.

"I know you miss the old apartment, but this place will be ours forever, this place, here will be our sanctuary, our home. Here we will create new memories."

She turns in my arms and hugs me by the neck. "I can't wait to create new memories in this place."

"Well, I think I have the first one."

"Oh yes?" She looks at me questioningly. "Because I also have one."

"Really? Tell me."

"No, you first."

I release her hug and I kneel in front of her pulling out a small red box from the pocket of my pants. She gasps as soon as I open the box showing her a diamond ring. "Teddy, would you make this stupid ginger the happiest man in the world by marrying him?"

She laughs and cries and kneels in front of me taking my face in her hands, kissing me fervently. "Yes, yes, yes, yes!" She repeats again and again against my lips.

I take her hand and place the ring on her delicate finger, then I kiss the top of her hand. The diamond shines as much as her huge green eyes with the evening sunlight filtering through the windows. "I love so much. I don't want to spend more time without being your husband."

She hugs me crying softly. "Do you like our first memory for this house?" I ask her as I rub her back sweetly.

She pulls back and looks me in the eyes. "It's perfect."

"Now your turn. Surprise me Major!"

She laughs shyly. "Well." She takes my hands and places it on her belly. "We are gonna have a baby."

* * *

 _ **THE END**_


End file.
